23 DEC 05: OVER THE WAL- AND OUT
The surprise sat there at the end of an aisle, as if it was nothing unusual -- but to me, it certainly was. Thursday night I found a store already selling Valentine's Day items! Well, it does have one thing in common with Christmas -- the color red.
Believe it or not, the Phenix City Wal-Mart SuperCenter had Valentine items on sale Thursday night -- three days BEFORE Christmas! Who knows how many shoppers are getting things mixed up, and hanging paper hearts instead of mistletoe?
Assuming you're planning ahead, the Phenix City Wal-Mart had boxes of Harry Potter Valentines on sale. I suppose if you turn him down, you'll turn into a goblet of fire or something....
I've become used to stores putting out Valentine's Day items on December 26, the day after Christmas. But c'mon -- three days BEFORE?! If this trend continues, soon someone will have a baby Jesus breaking out of an Easter egg.
But hold on, you may be asking - what was I doing in a Wal-Mart SuperCenter Thursday night? Why would this "Christian who doesn't keep Christmas" [11 Dec] be in such a store so close to the big day? The answer is simple, and what critics in Midland tend to forget - low-priced groceries.
It was time for my biweekly grocery trip, and it was Wal-Mart's turn for my shopping dollars. But when on this busy weekend should I go, to avoid massive crowds? Friends told me to go Thursday night, instead of Friday afternoon - perhaps realizing Columbus libraries would be closed today.
Before I left to shop, I heard the latest complaints about Wal-Mart. WRBL reported the Lee County District Attorney will lose $45,000, because Wal-Mart will start using a private company to handle bad checks. Well, at least the company is concerned about our overcrowded jails....
Lee County District Attorney Nick Abbott says his office earns about $100 for each bad check it handles. That computes to about 450 bad checks a year at Wal-Mart - making you wonder why SuperCenters bother to have bank branches in them.
District Attorney Nick Abbott plans to make up for the lost $45,000 by NOT replacing an assistant D.A. who recently resigned. So much for the theory that no one with a government job is irreplaceable....
Wal-Mart explains it switched to using TeleCheck to handle all bad checks nationwide, in a move to streamline its accounting. For one thing, there's more time to write checks for all the lawsuits Wal-Mart may lose -- like the $172 million it was ordered to pay California employees Thursday.
This is a difficult question -- should Wal-Mart privatize how it goes after hot check writers, if it leaves local governments less money for handling other crimes? Will Nick Abbott's prediction be right, that more customers will write rubber checks? Or could county government start writing some, too?
Armed with all this knowledge, I went to Wal-Mart anyway -- and the SuperCenter parking lot was crowded at about 7:00 p.m., but not completely full. I didn't even bother looking for a parking space near the door. If all those New Yorkers could walk several miles to work....
The SuperCenter made sure things at least felt more crowded than usual, by filling its usually empty aisle next to the checkout lanes with all sorts of sale items. But at least it was Wal-Mart and not Kmart - with no blue light specials leading to five-minute stampedes.
I stuck to the "supermarket" side of the SuperCenter, and it really wasn't that overcrowded. There were a few couples and families having cross words with each other about what to buy and how to do holiday things -- making "The George Lopez Show" look almost true-to-life.
My big mistake came when I crossed over to the other side of the SuperCenter - because for some reason, personal care items such as toothbrushes are at the opposite end of the store. And the sporting goods department is hidden in the back, so you can't be reminded of all the exercise you're getting.
After picking up a toothbrush (for only 21 cents with my coupon!), I rolled my cart past the electronics aisles. I should have realized that would be the most crowded part of the store. Remember, children: your parents might want some toys this weekend, too.
All in all, the Wal-Mart grocery trip turned out to be peaceful and uneventful -- and took about as long as usual. As so many TV reporters have said lately, I "packed my patience." And thankfully, I didn't have to stop at Blimpie for dinner while waiting for the crowds to leave.
BIG PREDICTION: Whoo-hoo! My Kansas Jayhawks are in a football bowl game! I predict they'll beat Houston tonight in the Fort Worth Bowl - assuming they didn't get confused and fly to Houston, to play Texas Christian of Fort Worth.
While our heart bleeds true for the Crimson and the Blue, let's check other local notes from Thursday:
+ The Census Bureau reported Columbus's population is now almost 189,000 people. Enough transferring soldiers to Fort Benning could push the total to 200,000. So NOW can we stop calling this a "River-TOWN?"
+ Shane Cummings of LaGrange was presented a $500,000 check, for winning the Georgia Lottery "King Kong" game. Hey Shane! Just a suggestion - do NOT take the money in cash, and hide it around your house.
(With a name like "King Kong," you'd think the Georgia Lottery would provide something extra besides cash. For instance, a date with Naomi Watts....)
+ The Columbus Cottonmouths won 6-3 at home over "Pee Dee." Shame on all of you who see the visitors' name, and think of a newscaster in a restroom....
+ Atlanta Falcons cornerback D'Angelo Hall told ESPN Radio's "The Herd" he wore short sleeves during last Sunday night's game in ice-cold Chicago - and late in the game wondered why he did it. Perhaps his brain was frozen, even in the locker room.
(D'Angelo Hall also said watching Michael Vick in practice reminds him of Wayne Gretzky. This is a remarkable comment - that a pro football player in the South actually knows the name of a famous hockey player.)
+ Instant Message to residents of the Hilton Heights neighborhood: Are you kidding - some of you leave your front doors unlocked during the day? People on 30th Avenue ought to pay you a visit and give you some burglary advice, because even they have more sense than that.
2005 YEAR IN REVIEW: May began with a change at some Columbus restaurants, as all Burger Kings went smoke-free. Two months later, all Georgia restaurants did so by law - and at year's end, I'm a bit surprised Smokey Bones Barbecue hasn't changed its name.
May brought news of a big change at Fort Benning, as military base realignment will bring thousands more soldiers to our area. Hopefully the returning Third Brigade soldiers won't mind the extra G.I.'s sleeping on their living room floor....
May also brought the arrest of two current and former Russell County commissioners. Ronnie Reed was arrested for violating election rules - and apparently he knew his "right to remain silent," because the violation about a felony conviction didn't surface until months later.
Not even the library was safe from scandal during May - as former Phenix City librarian Irma Duke was sentenced to prison for stealing library money. In Columbus, they tried a more creative way to do this several weeks later. But the Albert Paley sculpture was stopped in time....
The police blotter in May shows someone stole seven tons of cottonseed from a store in Americus. The suspects didn't get far - because attempting to sell crude-looking underwear from the back of a van will give you away every time.
Columbus Police Chief Rick/Ricky Boren announced in May his officers would start using stun guns. They worked immediately -- as local civil rights leaders who complained about Gwinnett County's Taser policy didn't say a thing.
A Spencer High School student caused a national stir in May. He was suspended because his mother serving in Iraq called him on his cell phone during school. Imagine if she had called during a world geography quiz....
Vice President Cheney visited the area in May, delivering a commencement speech at Auburn University. Who knows how many of his aides were outside the arena, looking for people to spy on.
The most stunning departure for some people in May was the disappearance of Amy Giuliano from the morning TV news. She's now in public relations AND has a different last name! This must mean she's married - because you normally would change a name like Giuliano to stay in television.
May was a winning month for many teams in our area. Russell County and Glenwood both won Alabama state baseball titles -- so now we know which members of the 1999 Phenix City little League team had money, and which ones didn't.
COMING THIS WEEKEND: For the first time, we have a special guest blogger.... a name you probably know....
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