22 DEC 05: DEARLY DEPARTED

Let's send out some introductory greetings right away. To the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer - THANK YOU for mentioning me and this blog on the front page Wednesday! Does this put me in the running for a Page One Award?

And to all new readers we might have as a result of the front-page mention - welcome! You're visiting a blog which dares to take on the critical issues of the Columbus area. And one of these days, I'll get to that in-depth comparison of scrambled dogs....

It was quite a surprise to see my name on the front page of the Wednesday Ledger-Enquirer, as well as the Local section. A newspaper reporter apparently took one of our comments as a challenge - but no, Kaffie Sledge is not writing a humor column now.

Reporter Mark Rice investigated a question we asked: "Where have you gone, Irvin Zyskind?" [4 Nov] Let the record show he DID quote the blog correctly. Sometimes journalists actually do that....

We asked about Irvin Zyskind because he was the last name listed in the Columbus phone book - until the current edition. We didn't know it at the time, but Zyskind's name was last for 29 years. That's probably even longer than Jordan High School's football team has been last in its region.

Mark Rice of the Ledger-Enquirer obviously had time to track down the answer -- because it was in Wednesday's paper seven weeks after we asked the question. He has a great future investigating spying at The New York Times.

But the news was sobering about Irvin Zyskind. As we somewhat feared, he died in April 2003 -- and no, we will NOT stoop into the gutter here and say he finished dead last....

Mark Rice called this a "monumental matter" (HIS bad death joke, perhaps) -- and reported Irvin Zyskind's widow now lives with her son in Montgomery. I hope they're doing well, but this raises one obvious question. Does Mrs. Zyskind plan to vote for Don Siegelman as Alabama Governor, to bring in a lottery?

Mark Rice didn't stop there, and went on to check on the new final name in the Columbus phone book. He's Frank Zylstra, who works at a local salon. He's been in the business four decades -- long enough to remember when they were called "hairdressers," and not stylists.

While we're thinking in terms of memorials: our condolences to the family of Emilio Masciovecchio. We learned of his death Wednesday - the Columbus man known around the country as "Mac the Mechanic." With a last name like that, can you really blame him for taking a TV and radio nickname?

Mac the Mechanic made his home in Columbus, but used Atlanta media as his springboard to national fame. He used to have a weekend show on WGST Radio (not WSB, as the Ledger-Enquirer claims) - and he probably paved the way for the "Car Talk" guys, only his humor was actually about cars.

Mac the Mechanic used to bring in all sorts of curious-looking items, for TV interviews. They related to cars in some way - and this was long enough ago that you knew he couldn't have found those things shopping at eBay.

The phone book lists a "Masciovecchio Car Care Center" on Buena Vista Road - which surprised me, because I've driven for years past a small shop on Warm Springs Road with Emilio's name on it. This should teach Councilor Nathan Suber a lesson: some businesses actually DO move south in Columbus.

The funeral for Mac the Mechanic is planned for 4:00 p.m. today. Wouldn't it be amazing if the man who coined the car repair phrase "five o'clock surprise" offered one more of his own - and sat up in the casket?

The Ledger-Enquirer reports Mac the Mechanic will be buried in his signature bright-red work shirt. We wish his family well - and we wish we knew the secret of how they got the oil and grease stains off those shirts.

Now for items from Wednesday's news, which might get this blog mentioned in even more newspapers:

+ The first group of Third Brigade soldiers returned home to Fort Benning from Iraq. We're certainly glad to have them back - and we hope they were told to stay away from the banks of the Chattahoochee River. They're dangerous, you know....

+ The manager of the Cannon Brew Pub told the late news his business has NOT gone down, since smoking was banned in Georgia restaurants in July. In fact, I suspect it might have increased - since addicted smokers eat and run faster between cigarettes.

+ A man told Columbus Police someone broke into his home near Forest Road, and stole $20,000 in hidden lottery winnings. The TV detective in me finds something strange about this. Why would you have $20,000 in cash - and hide it around your house? Was he planning THAT big a shopping spree at Family Dollar?

(And don't you suspect someone entered this house, who KNEW the man had won a big lottery prize? If I ever win a sweepstakes prize, I plan to tell as few people as possible - at least until the moving truck comes, to take me to Green Island Hills.)

+ A survey by the political web site Stateline found Alabama's Governor mentions the "risen Christ" and Christmas in his year-end greeting card, while Georgia's Governor does not. Is this really a surprise? Bob Riley's running against Roy Moore next year, while Sonny Perdue isn't....

+ Speaking of which: Alabama Governor Bob Riley revealed Roy Moore wanted the National Guard called in 2003, to guard the Ten Commandments monument in Montgomery and block its removal. Aha - this explains it! God didn't send down lightning on the moving crew because Judge Moore lacked faith He could do it.

+ A Stockbridge, Georgia doctor was indicted on charges of treating cancer patients with weed killer. Hopefully no one let this doctor near the man who drank the cleaning fluid at a Waffle House....

(This raises a thought-provoking question, though - if the doctor had used weed killer on marijuana addicts, would it have worked?)

2005 IN REVIEW CONTINUED: April began with talk of a Riverfest boycott, and 30,000 people attending a civil rights march in downtown Columbus. It ended with no boycott, no march, no "days of abstinence" - and did Riverfest even have 30,000 visitors?

Attorney Joseph Wiley called for a "cooling-off period" in Columbus, as the civil rights boycott was called off. That approach has worked so well, the Kenneth Walker case only resurfaced for a chilly Sunday afternoon memorial service in December.

Phenix City Councilman Arthur Sumbry was charged in April with writing hot checks. Well, at least he didn't act like Ronnie Reed - and keep it quiet for 30 years.

There was bad economic news in April, as Tom's Foods filed for bankruptcy. Lance Foods bought out the company in the fall - thus beating the same-sex union of Elton John by several weeks.

But AFLAC still was doing well in April - well enough to donate on million dollars to Millard Fuller's new charity. Mr. Amos, I'm not asking for that much of a donation to this blog - I mean, $1,000 would be nice....

The Columbus Cottonmouths brought home a hockey title in early April. In case you haven't heard, they ARE playing in town again this season. Based on their radio broadcasts, you might think they're playing at Beard-Eaves Coliseum in Auburn.

The Columbus Riverdragons also did well, winning the N.B.D.L. regular season title and reaching the final round. April included "Paint the Town Orange Week" in their honor. Too bad no one realized orange is a color on U-Haul trucks.

Northside High School also had a winner in April, as its rifle team won a Georgia state championship. I should hire these sharpshooters to go hunt me down some deer meat for the winter.

A reenactment of the Civil War "Battle of Columbus" occurred during April at Port Columbus. The organizers even threw in a bogus battle which the South won - which shows political correctness was out of hand long before December.

Oxbow Meadows made several improvements throughout the year - including a new swamp in April, complete with its own alligator. For some reasons, the Florida alumni club did NOT watch football games there during the fall.

April ended with Home Box Office showing an award-winning movie "Warm Springs," about the Georgia home of President Franklin Roosevelt. By comparison, the movie "2,001 Maniacs" shot at Westville two years ago still has NOT come out - so maybe historians have disproved that one.

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