13 DEC 05: ANYONE CAN GRIPE

The caller wanted only three minutes of my time, to talk about the weather. "I want to know why we never have super-cold temperatures, and never have any snow." Should I tell this man everything I remember from my one college meteorology class?

Naaah, I didn't do that. The caller was too busy spilling his heart out. "I can't live without really cold weather in the winter." Maybe he can't - but after growing up in Kansas City, where they've already had snow and zero-degree cold, I've found a way to overcome such addictions.

"They get snow in Atlanta," the caller continued, "but we never have any here." Well, yes we do - and I still have a snowball in my freezer from the last time it happened. In my sealable bowl, that snowball hasn't yellowed in nearly two years.

"There's no other place that never gets any super-cold weather or snow," the caller lamented. I tried to point out the state of Florida at this point - but he somehow didn't seem to think it counted.

You'll be pleased to know this man hopes to leave Columbus, and go back to his home area of Cleveland. The way he talked, I was tempted to think he was an Inuit Eskimo who's missing the Northwest Territories of Canada.

After a 61-degree F. day like Columbus had Monday, it seems a bit strange to hear people complaining about a lack of bitterly cold weather. Maybe if Buck Ice offered daily tours....

That's not the only thing concerning Columbus I've heard people complain about lately. Take the woman who told me she called the Government Center and asked for a street light on Matthews Street - but the city refused to give her one. What's she supposed to do, shop for them at Home Depot?

The woman explained there's one street light at the bottom of a hill at the end of Matthews Street, but none the rest of the block. She wants one. City officials said no. So if you see holiday lights on all the houses in the middle of February, this could be why.

This woman apparently thinks all you have to do is call City Hall, and you'll get what you want. But the city budget is tight - and let's be honest. This is Columbus city government, not Domino's Pizza.

I could make a similar complaint, about the lamps along the stairway from Golden Park to the Riverwalk. They've been off for months - but I'm coping without them. At least until I find a tall enough ladder at the hardware store to replace the bulbs myself.

Not even the Columbus bus system is safe from complaints these days. I heard the other day from a man who opposed METRA reenacting the Rosa Parks arrest of 1955, and even more opposed TV stations covering the event. If you ignore history, it simply will go away....

"It happened there. Leave it there," the man complained. So this reenactment would have been OK in Montgomery, but not Columbus. Hopefully this man also has called the Springer Opera House and Columbus State University, to stop historical dramas.

The man was concerned that a reenactment of the Rosa Parks arrest might stir up racial tension in Columbus. But so far, I've seen no sign of that - because no one at the Kenneth Walker memorial service called for a bus boycott.

Now that we've heard the gripes of others, let's see if Monday's news offered anything to grumble about:

+ WRBL reported the manager of the Uptown Tap was arrested Friday night, after a bartender handed out a free drink. It happened to be handed to an undercover police officer - and we all know he wouldn't make enough money to buy many drinks on his own.

(I didn't realize until Monday night that the Columbus liquor law bans men's nights and ladies' nights. Yet clubs such as Ritmo Latino have allowed women to get in free on some nights - so is that a violation? Or are those women not really ladies?)

+ Columbus city officials asked the contractor on the Streetscape project to suspend all work on Broadway until January 3. What's the reason for this? Are SafetyCab drivers going to have trouble on the winding street, too?

+ A Lee County Commissioner accused the commission's chair of breaking into the courthouse five years ago to steal mileage records. Yet the Sheriff's Office reports a break-in never happened! Maybe this commissioner should consult a doctor, about alarm bells ringing in his ears.

+ The Leroy Jenkins telecast on WLGA showed a "miracle night" tent service in Montgomery. A woman was carried to Jenkins, and left on her feet. A man showed up in crutches, and wound up walking. Yet Jenkins somehow was unable to put the Ten Commandments monument back in the state judicial building.

+ The Atlanta Falcons flew past New Orleans 36-17. A group of displaced New Orleans residents staged a protest outside the Georgia Dome, opposing plans to hold Mardi Gras there next February. When they're not protesting a possible move of the Saints to San Antonio or Los Angeles, this team has problems.

(The Falcons' Michael Vick was awarded a touchdown at the corner pylon, after a challenge. The ABC sports team declared it the correct call, while New Orleans broadcaster Hokie Gajan on WWL-AM declared it a bad call. There's a reason why John Madden is a network announcer, while Gajan isn't....)

+ Atlanta's new shortstop Edgar Renteria was introduced to the news media - and when someone tried to ask him a question in Spanish, he didn't understand it. That's what happens when you mix Spanish with a Southern drawl.

SONG OF THE DAY: Here's a follow-up to our Sunday discussion of the holiday "name game." It's time the Christian militants had their own carol - perhaps one based on "Away in a Manger":

What say you in greeting?

We really must know.

If you don't say Christmas,

You won't get our dough!

A holiday happy

We can't stand to see.

You'd better say Christmas

Or God might zap thee!

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