8 NOV 05: A TOUCH TOO MUCH

"It's coming," a woman said recently as she showed me a web site. This is a Christian woman, who was talking about the "end of the world" - but no, she was NOT showing me a clip from that "Category Seven" disaster movie.

The web site she had called up was promoting a new way to purchase items at the store. It's called "Pay by Touch," and lets you buy things by scanning your fingerprint. This could give a whole new meaning to C.S.I. - Checkout Stand Index-fingers.

Once your finger is scanned, the Pay by Touch system automatically calls up your accounts with a business. If you're hopelessly behind in your payments, I suppose the result might be a different kind of finger - a thumb, as a manager tells you to leave.

Pay by Touch declares its fingerprint method is "fast, easy, secure and always free." People who see the Biblical "mark of the beast" in this approach long for the good old days - when times were at least slow and hard....

(I'd like to ask the suspicious Christians one thing. If Pay by Touch is the "mark of the beast," it's on your hand - but what about the forehead option which the Bible also talks about? Can you take an ink blotter, rub your fingers on your forehead and use it as a "speed pass?")

The Pay by Touch web site notes Piggly Wiggly is among the first U.S. businesses to try this sort of payment. In a way, this made sense - but in my house, Mom played "this little piggy" with my toes instead of my fingers.

We checked the Pay by Touch web site the other day - but found the system has NOT come yet to Piggly Wiggly stores in the Columbus area. When it comes, will someone people stage a protest? Will they hold up (ahem) something other than their index fingers at the checkout?

The Pay by Touch system actually might have come in handy at a Piggly Wiggly store I visited the other night. I knew something was up when two dogs were sitting near the front door - and this was downtown Phenix City, not someplace in Stewart County.

I'm still not sure if the two dogs were connected to the loud man I found inside. He was hamming it up with the Piggly Wiggly staff and - hey, wait a minute! What better place for a "ham" than a supermarket with that name?

After buying a few items, I went to the shortest checkout line - right behind that loud man. All he was buying was a big bottle of Colt 45 malt liquor. But the way he was acting, it could have been his fourth of the day.

The man wanted to pay for his malt liquor with a blue plastic card. Asked to type in his PIN number, he proceeded to say it out loud - as well as his Social Security number. Identity thieves could never have it so easy. But would they really want THIS man's identity?

"Credit card or debit card?" asked the woman at the checkout - but that question seemed to puzzle the man, who decided to keep talking about nothing in particular. And they say males have difficulty expressing themselves....

"Would you like cash back?" the woman asked.

"I want all the money I can get!" the man replied. If he held a gun in his hand, police would have been at the scene by now.

Finally I tried to intervene and help move things along. "Yes or no: do you want cash back on your card?"

"Yes." But of course, he couldn't end the sentence with that. "God is showing me you're a Christian man." I appreciate that - but did God tell him to buy that big bottle of Colt 45, too?

"Would you like the maximum of 50 dollars?" I asked further. Watching those courtroom shows helps you ask pinpoint, you-can't-Piggly-Wiggle-out-of-this-one questions.

The man did want 50 dollars back on his plastic card. "I'm going to put it in the plate at church tomorrow," he said on this Saturday night. That's generous of him -- but I wondered if he'd have enough sense not to bring malt liquor to the next church supper.

The talkative man revealed to me he's 74 years old - then God inspired him to talk more about religion. "The Bible says you can pray anywhere you want to," he said in a loud voice. And if he said the prayer, hardly anyone would need a public address system to hear it.

The 74-year-old man was so outlandish and entertaining, I overlooked the Piggly Wiggly cashier checking me out a time or two. This man could be the foundation for an entertainment district in downtown Phenix City - and I say it's time we had comedy at a club more than one night a week.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: The jokes for today are concluded, but you're welcome to read on for an update on the serious story we broke here Sunday afternoon.)

BLOG UPDATE: More details emerged Monday about the weekend death of a man in Harris County. TV news reports suggested someone may have slipped the "date rape drug" GHB into the man's alcoholic beverage during the day on Saturday. Toxicology tests in Atlanta on the body will be required to confirm that.

Harris County officials indicated they're not sure when the lethal drug was added to the drink -- whether at the Callaway Gardens Steeplechase, a party afterward, or some other point. Sheriff Mike Jolley told reporters NO charges have been filed at this point. The Harris County Coroner still has not returned a call from your blog, requesting information on this case.

The person who originally e-mailed the blog about this story now has made clear to us they do NOT believe Callaway Gardens was responsible for what happened Saturday. We'll say nothing beyond that, as the blog now faces threats of legal action over this case.

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