18 NOV 05: THE COST OF NOTHING

Today's blog entry is all about nothing - but please don't get ahead of me. This is NOT about the upcoming release of old Seinfeld episodes on DVD.

It's about my monthly water bill, and something I didn't notice until I was waiting in line to pay the bill Thursday afternoon. The Columbus Water Works meter reading showed I used NO water in October! I honestly thought I showered more often than once a week....

There's a zero in the usage column of my water bill - meaning I did not use 100 cubic feet of water during October. Based on my figuring, one cubic foot is about the size of two Big Gulps. And let's face it, October wasn't THAT oppressively hot.

My two-sided kitchen sink can hold a combined 3.25 cubic feet of water. Yes, I measured it especially for the blog. I'll let someone else figure out how many Sonic Extra-Long Cheese Coneys could fit inside....

October was the month of my vacation, so the water didn't run for more than nine days. That explains why my usage was so low -- but I think my neighbor who watered my plant made up for that. I came home to find the front porch with a big water spot, which I don't think was a scattered shower.

The Columbus Water Works bill explains 100 cubic feet of water is the same as 748 gallons. A leaky bathtub faucet at the start of the year had me using 900 cubic feet a month or more - so if I could have made arrangements, I could have filled every swimming pool in town for the summer.

After wasting so much water and money for months, a zero in the usage column felt very good. Yet I still had to stand in line Thursday and pay Columbus Water Works $18.84. Fort Benning soldiers love to say the price of freedom is not free -- and in Columbus, the price of "nothing" is not nothing.

The bulk of the water bill is not really for water. It's the $14 garbage fee, tacked on by Columbus city government. Considering I usually only take out one bag a month, that's a rather pricy bag -- although I suppose it's still less than Parisian's price.

The water bill had a "current water residential" charge of $3.04, even though my usage was recorded as zero. I asked the Columbus Water Works teller about that, and she guessed it was the price of simply being connected. It's sort of like a property tax - only in this case, the property is a faucet.

(There's also a line on my water bill for "C.S.O. Treatment." Why I'm paying the Columbus Symphony Orchestra with my water bill, I have no idea....)

There was refreshing news about another local utility Thursday night. Atmos Energy announced it's reducing the amount of its proposed natural gas rate increase by about 90 percent! Maybe that will prevent executives from getting a Congressional subpoena.

Natural gas prices apparently don't have to go up so much because pipelines and wells made it through this year's hurricanes without much damage. That's nice to know - but I'm still thinking about cooking frozen dinners without preheating the oven.

The news from Atmos Energy was on the late news, not long after I lit my gas heater for the winter. Sometimes this can be a challenging task, and this year was one of those cases. When it takes 15 minutes for you to figure out your lighter's at the wrong part of the heater, that's not a good sign.

BLOG UPDATE: Preparations continued Thursday for this weekend's big events. Fences went up at one entrance to Fort Benning. Tents went up at South Commons. And smoke went up around the Auburn football stadium, from early tailgaters.

The fences are for this weekend's SOA Watch protest. Fort Benning plans to close two entrances to traffic for the weekend, because of the demonstrators. Someday these protesters will discover other gates onto post remain wide open.

A few SOA Watch protesters already were in Columbus Thursday. They joined reporters at the main gate, as an Army National Guard member declared she's a conscientious objector who will refuse to fight in Iraq. This should please the Chamber of Commerce - that even if SOA Watch achieves its goal, protesters may keep coming anyway.

The tents went up for Saturday's "God Bless Fort Benning" event. It was interesting to learn Fort Benning soldiers were the ones putting up the tents. Oprah Winfrey gets other people to set up her own self-glorifying parties....

The Budweiser Clydesdales will appear at God Bless Fort Benning. They actually arrived in town Thursday, and appeared at Columbus Park Crossing. But which TV newscaster actually said on the air the horses had "a little fur?"

And as for the smoke: tickets for Saturday's Alabama-Auburn football game are being scalped for as much as $1,200. We have a special message for the people paying that much money - L.S.U. beat Alabama last weekend.

Auburn police are concerned counterfeit tickets might be sold for the "Iron Bowl" game. WRBL showed how you can spot a real ticket - for one thing, by ripping it a bit to find it's pink inside. At the tailgating row, this only means the barbecue is medium-rare.

Plenty of other stuff was happening Thursday as well....

+ The evening news revealed Russell County Commissioner Ronnie Reed was convicted of felony burglary in Columbus 30 years ago. Under Alabama law, that means he's barred from holding elective office. If Reed shows up at the courthouse today, Probate Judge Al Howard might make a citizen's arrest.

(Ronnie Reed is declining to talk with reporters about his old burglary conviction. Maybe he's hiring Leeann Horne-Jordan's attorney, to file a harassment suit of his own.)

+ The Washington Post reported four out of five Justice Department review panel members opposed Georgia's new "Vote ID" law - yet the person in charge approved it, anyway. Is anyone really surprised by this? Republicans don't believe in "majority rules" - because then Al Gore would be President.

+ AFLAC continued its 50th anniversary celebration, by unveiling a new wall of history at its headquarters building. At last employees can see baby pictures of the duck....

+ A cattle truck somehow opened and cattle ran loose around Columbus Park Crossing - as the truck drivers were dining at Hooters! What sort of "fresh meat" were THEY focused on?

(The timing of this cattle roundup could have been better. It occurred around 10:00 p.m. -- and the Texas Roadhouse restaurant might have been closed already.)

+ The Columbus RiverCenter presented a performance by an Asian acrobatic troupe called "Chi." If you're male and dressed up for this event, I guess you wore a Tie Chi....

(Talk about confusing! The troupe's name "Chi" is pronounced CHEE as in Chi-Chi Rodriguez, not as in China -- so I really expected to see this show at an El Vaquero restaurant.)

+ Georgia Tech was placed on NCAA probation for the first time in history, for allowing 11 football players to play with low grades. Leave it to chemical engineering majors to find a way to cook the academic books.

(Georgia Tech was placed on two years' probation in several sports - not only football, but women's swimming and track. As if people CARE about track and field at Georgia Tech, as opposed to L.S.U. or Arkansas?)

+ The Peach Belt Conference admitted Georgia Southwestern State University in Americus as a new member. That should provide a nice rivalry for Columbus State - and if the C.S.U. baseball team ever gets rained out there, the players can use the free time to build a Habitat for Humanity house.

+ Instant Message to Publix: Huh?! Your packages of "Premium Brown and Serve Rolls" suggest they be refrigerated before heating -- yet they're sold in the bread aisle, where there's NO refrigeration? Someone's brain needs defrosting here....

SCHEDULED SATURDAY: Eighteen strides and a dozen roses (approximate numbers)....

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