4 JUL 05: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EE.UU.
"El Enlace Latino" is a phone directory that's truly one of a kind. For one thing, it's almost entirely in Spanish. For another thing, it serves "Alabama and Columbus, Georgia" - thus continuing the stereotype that Columbus is little more than the "Gateway to Alabama."
I found this free directory recently at Millie's Corner on South Lumpkin Road, and took one to review. This book has addresses and phone numbers for seemingly every public school in Alabama, as well as Columbus. Now there's no excuse for Russell County and Columbus High not to schedule a baseball game with each other.
But the thing which struck me the most about El Enlace Latino is the section which helps Hispanic immigrants with their U.S. rights. A cut-out card can be shown to "recipients of federal funding" revealing you know limited English, and need an interpreter. I'm not sure how well that will go over during basic training at Fort Benning....
Four pages in El Enlace Latino offer 104 possible questions you could be asked on your citizenship exam. On this Independence Day, let's see how well YOU would do. We'll take actual questions from the directory, and make them multiple choice:
1. What is the supreme law of the land?
A. The Constitution.
B. The Ten Commandments -- just ask Roy Moore.
C. Whatever Rush Limbaugh says it is.
2. Who makes the laws in the United States?
A. Congress.
B. The Supreme Court -- especially when you don't agree with its decisions.
C. I'd rather have none of the above.
3. What are the duties of Congress?
A. To make laws.
B. To rubber-stamp everything President Bush wants.
C. To hold hearings on all sorts of topics, with big-name celebrity guests.
4. Who has the power to declare war?
A. Congress.
B. Fox News Channel.
C. Tom Cruise.
5. On what date do we celebrate our nation's birthday?
A. July 4th.
B. January 1st -- since the country becomes a year older. (A CNN copy editor actually told me that years ago.)
C. On one designated Monday holiday, almost every month.
6. Who elects the President of the United States today?
A. The Electoral College.
B. The U.S. Supreme Court, by hook or by crook.
C. TV network news reporters, based on how they maneuver their faces.
7. Why did the Pilgrims come to America?
A. Seeking freedom of religion.
B. To play football games on Thanksgiving Day.
C. To begin the Kennedy family dynasty in Massachusetts.
8. Where does freedom of speech come from?
A. The Bill of Rights and the First Amendment.
B. The blogosphere.
C. Trick question - we really don't have that anymore.
9. What is the head executive of a city government called?
A. Mayor.
B. In Columbus, Uncle Bob.
C. Do you actually want me to repeat what some police officers call him??
10. Where does Congress meet?
A. In the Capitol in Washington.
B. On C-SPAN channels.
C. At $1,000-per-plate fundraisers across the country.
11. Name one purpose of the United Nations.
A. For countries to discuss and try to resolve world problems.
B. To obey the U.S. government, because we were here first.
C. It really doesn't have one.
12. What is the most important right granted to United States citizens?
A. The right to vote.
B. The right to move out of town, if city officials want to build a shopping center on your land.
C. The right to call radio talk shows and declare people idiots.
E-MAIL UPDATE: Sunday's entry brought what was titled a "Blog Blast" - and no, it's not a frozen treat you can buy at Sonic:
Dear Blogger;
Perhaps your words in the following quote are somewhat insensitive considering that Sister Fogarty suffered a gruesome dismemberment. Can you not respect the faith of others, with their incomparably divinely inspired mercy?
+ Adrian Hamilton pleaded guilty to murdering his relatives and kidnapping two nuns in Harris County. District Attorney Grey Conger said he accepted life without parole because the Catholic Church opposes the death penalty. If this denomination is so against it, you'd think parishes would hold mass less often -- and avoid "celebrating the Lord's death."
Some things are not funny. Personally, I think that Bobby Peters did a great sentencing. I am not catholic, and though my personal choices would be to go for the legal jugular, I do respect the goodness in the Catholic position. The beheading of a selfless loving person who did more good than all the do-gooders in three surrounding counties combined, is not funny. Her death is not funny. The catholic position on capital punishment is not funny. The death of the Saviour, is not funny. You owe the faithful survivors and the Catholic Church an apology.
Respectful Standards, Richard. Some things, like the unchanging character of God, are sacred, though you consider them to be capricious and you act in specious emulation.
Deborah Owens
Thanks for your comments, Deborah - and I did weigh carefully how to comment on the sentencing. Some would argue the authorities were too good to Adrian Hamilton, simply by giving him glasses to wear to Harris County Court.
No, I don't consider the beheading of nun Philomena Fogarty by Adrian Hamilton funny. I don't consider the death of Jesus funny. But I do believe the Roman Catholic position on capital punishment is inconsistent with its overall theology. For instance, this denomination claims to follow the Bible -- yet often prays to Mary more than the God who made her.
Lest we forget: justice can be as "divinely inspired" as mercy. For instance, the Old Testament of the Bible called for stoning children who disobeyed their parents. These days, people hear "stoned children" and think they're smoking marijuana.
Mercy indeed is a good thing. But the Adrian Hamilton case is a classic debate of mercy versus justice. The majority in Georgia seems to prefer mercy - since Dave Justice didn't play baseball in Atlanta all that long.
Of course, all denominations have some inconsistent teachings. At the church I attend, we saw a video message over the weekend in which the preacher said he's "not trying to develop a list of dos and don'ts" - then proceeded to criticize people who wear polyester slacks to funerals.
By the way: where in Sunday's blog did I declare the "unchanging character of God" capricious? If anything, the capricious one in the Adrian Hamilton case is District Attorney Grey Conger. He was the one who accepted life without parole -- making me wonder if he's really fully converted from Democrat to Republican yet.
(I didn't realize until this e-mail that Judge Bobby Peters handled the sentencing of Adrian Hamilton. He's certainly been out of the spotlight since taking office. Isn't he taking any good-looking women out to dinner anymore?)
To sum this up: as we mark Independence Day, we think of our country's "freedom of religion" and "freedom of speech." Put them together, and we even should have the freedom to speak against someone else's religion if we consider it in error. Otherwise, you know what you have - Afghanistan under the Taliban.
And speaking of free speech, here comes someone else to blast the blogger. This time, it's about our Friday Instant Message mentioning "Wanda the Bang-Bang Lady" from Fireworks Outlet:
First of all ... I "did" find this funny .... but then I had to feel VERY bad afterwards. I know this lady and although she isnt the Russell Co Entrant for Miss Alabama .... she is a fine woman. She has raised (ok i cant remember how many she really has) several (more than 4) children to be great adults. Been a grandmother to countless others whether related or not.
She is a christian woman that I went to church with for many years and although she could be a little hard to be around at times. She was one of the most purely sweet women on the planet for you to know. She has a great heart and probably has touched anyone that has come in contact with her with her kindness & generosity.
Other than that ... love the BLOG ... but hey ... arent you the guy soooo concerned that someone called you a FAT LAZY BLOGGER that you ran your own poll and even asked the public what they THOUGHT ABOUT YOU? Lets try to keep critisizing others down ... or the controversy may continue ....
karma is a [b**ch] ..... cant throw stones in glass houses .... all that good stuff
l8ter
Thank you for coming to Wanda's defense -- but remember, she has a legal stockpile of fireworks in Russell County for defending herself. Inside the Columbus city limits, I'm not allowed to have such things.
If I recall correctly, the Fireworks Outlet on U.S. 431 used to have hot-looking ladies appear in its twice-a-year commercials. That's what makes the change to Wanda Lamb stand out so much. Maybe it's a subtle message that fireworks should be used only under adult supervision.
Remember Clara Peller, the older woman who gained national attention by asking, "Where's the beef?" Wanda "The Bang-Bang Lady" seems to have gained it on a local level this summer. If she goes on to major stardom from this, more power to her. But if she appears in an ad for the Night Moves lingerie shop....
By the way, I see no harm in asking the public what they think about me. At least I'm choosing to ask. Politicians only do it every few years because the law requires it.
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