28 JUL 05: OF GREAT CONCERN
Turn north at Macon Road and University Drive, and you'll see one. Drive east on Milgen Road from the post office to Cooper Creek Park and you'll see another one. They're billboards with nothing but a phone number - and after calling it, I'm pleased to report it is NOT a kinky sex line.
The billboards have a "GREAT" sign below the phone number - and that led to some curious speculation the other day. A man suggested to me the last four digits 6661 combined with "GREAT" could be a sign of the Biblical "mark of the beast." Maybe they threw in that extra one as a Satanic delusion....
I hadn't seen these billboards until this man mentioned them. While I'm familiar with the 666 symbolism and "Babylon the Great" in the book of Revelation, I was skeptical about this suggestion. Take that sign near Cooper Creek Park. Three 6's can win you a five-set tennis match.
Always anxious to stop the rumors and get to the truth of the matter, your blog called the phone number on the GREAT billboards Wednesday. It's a number for suburban Atlanta - where people think they're great compared with Columbus, just because they have Kohl's and Fuddrucker's.
"Great Outdoor Advertising," said a young woman who answered the phone. Religious cults always prey on the young, you know....
I presented the speculation I'd heard about the mark of the beast -- and the woman's answer was: "Of course not." Denial is often the first step in the overcoming process.
Your blog pressed the issue: "Where did Great Outdoor Advertising get its name?" The woman answering the phone didn't know -- so maybe the founder was a big fan of Tony the Tiger.
So there you have it - Great Outdoor Advertising denies it's involved with the end-time Babylon the Great, which some say will rise in Europe and conquer the U.S. But as my pastor would point out, do you expect the devil to come up to you and admit he's the devil?
Yet upon further review, there are good reasons to reject the speculation about Great Outdoor Advertising being the mark of the beast:
+ The phone number on the billboards actually has five 6's in a row, not three. The only time that seems to have deep meaning is when you're playing Yahtzee.
+ The book of Revelation talks about the mark of the beast appearing on hands and foreheads. One of these billboards would have to fall on you, to make this happen literally.
+ I've heard other theories from local people about what the mark of the beast is. Someone in Seale told me a couple of years ago about a letter-for-number formula, which made New York equal 666 [29 Aug 03]. But come to think of it, so does "cherry pied" - so there's a dessert for Christians to avoid.
E-MAIL UPDATE: Wednesday's Instant Message about cooling shelters brought this response - and read it all carefully, or you'll miss something:
Hi Richard (or do you prefer Mr. Burkard?),
You mean to tell me that there are actually people here in Columbus that DON'T use the new library as a cooling shelter in the sweltering summer heat? That sounds kind of fishy to me, because every time I've been in there, which I have to admit is pretty frequently, the library has been full of people socializing in the popular materials room and the check out line rivals that of the DMV! But who am I to complain, where else can you get free entertainment, stay cool and pay outrageous prices for a snack?
A long time blog reader,
Jennifer M.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Maybe I should include Jennifer's disclaimer in everything I post. I try to avoid harming animals with this blog - and even use my mouse as little as necessary.
Library officials have kept count, and they say circulation is up since the new library opened on Macon Road. And as cool as it is inside, the air circulation is way up as well.
One crowd at the Columbus Public Library Wednesday was invited by the Literary Alliance. Volunteers put labels on new dictionaries, which will be given to third-graders entering school. So why did they need labels? Because one of the words inside is "evolution?"
The free entertainment at the Columbus Public Library includes several series of movies. For instance, tonight there's "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" - a movie in the "teen classics" series. Who could have guessed the words "Bill and Ted" would ever appear with the word "classic" in the same sentence?
(And those "outrageous prices" for snacks - well, look on the bright side. The popcorn special for 75 cents a bag probably beats paying three or four dollars for a Carmike Cinema cup.)
OVERHEARD OVER HERE: Speaking of libraries, a young man used a phone at a branch library Wednesday - apparently to talk to a parent:
"Guess what?.... I owe 67 dollars, 83 cents.... Well, I could return the Malcolm X book...."
(To which the librarian may have muttered under her breath: "By any means necessary....")
Now for some other items from the last couple of days....
+ Which Columbus TV station apparently is about to make an anchor switch? The staff openly is talking about it online - so either those people are in line for promotions, or they're looking for any job tip you can give them.
+ Former East Alabama TV reporter Amanda Croker surfaced on WCGT TV-16. She was a fill-in anchor on the small Atlanta-based "American News Network." You'd think this network would want an anchor named Ann....
+ A Fort Benning parachute team jumped into Benning Park, at a special day for children at the nearby Baker Village Apartments. Hopefully the youngsters won't get wrong ideas from this - and "jump" total strangers after dark.
+ The heat index in Columbus soared above 100 degrees F. again. I knew it was bad when I opened my refrigerator door, and cockroaches rushed to get inside. [True!]
(WRBL reported the Columbus air quality level still registers as "good," despite all the recent haze. The station can expect a phone call today from the attorneys for Continental Carbon.)
+ The Alabama legislature finished a special session, by giving Governor Riley practically everything he wanted. Why lawmakers didn't vote to override next year's election and extend his term four more years, I have no idea....
(With tougher rules on sex offenders approved, Attorney General Troy King took off his electronic ankle bracelet Wednesday. I wonder if there's any way to measure how much stinkier his left foot is - since that bracelet in a bracelet could be dangerous.)
+ Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama appeared on public television's "Tavis Smiley Show." He defended Supreme Court nominee John Roberts, calling him several times someone who will "use restraint." If it's one thing we don't need, it's a Supreme Court justice who won't buckle his seat belt.
+ Instant Message to whomever cleans off the Riverwalk: It hasn't rained much in the last few days. I think you can remove those two big sand piles at 11th Street - or is a beach volleyball tournament coming to town?
LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: This week wasn't the first time we noticed funny things at the Columbus Department of Motor Vehicles office. Here's some of what we wrote about our last visit, in the LaughLine of 6 Aug 01:
The driver's license office in town is a high-tech place. You take a number up-front - then three numbers are displayed electronically on a board, with a computer "voice" calling them out. We almost expected to walk out of there with a couple of suitcases from a flight....
After our number was called, the woman at the counter asked us a quick series of questions. Did we want to remain an organ donor? (Yes, we did.) Did we want to donate a dollar to research blindness? (No, we didn't.) It left us wondering if she expected us to crash before we got home.
Then came the moment of truth: the driver's license photo! As we stood in line, we became a bit annoyed - because the office didn't put any mirrors in the hallway, to make sure you look good. These pictures must be a sick inside joke....
Before the photo was taken, we had to put our name on an electronic sheet so our signature would appear on the license. But our hand somehow kept touching the sheet, which crushed our name on the screen! People who drink and drive should note this - because this gives you one more thing to forget, and give you away.
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