22 JUL 05: WHAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOU

Is it just me, or has the rainy weather produced a bumper crop of blogs? This note reached us this week:

While I would never admit that your blog inspired me to get in on the game, I have included a link from mine to yours. Keep up the great work.

That's the nice thing about blogs, you know - no admission is required.

This note came from Harris County, where a former TV journalist has launched a blog called "Hoppin' Thoughts." Sonja Heinze went from WRBL to the public relations area of Columbus Regional Medical Center. She left there a few months ago -- making me wonder if we should predict a departure date for Amy Giuliano at St. Francis.

Don't let the name Hoppin' Thoughts fool you. Sonja Heinze has a big drawing of a bunny on her blog, but it's not about rabbits. Her few entries so far consist of jumping around to various topics - sort of like a Chinese buffet, only everything is spelled correctly.

Sonja Heinze reveals her recent work history on her blog -- and about her current effort to find work in Amarillo, Texas. I'm not sure why she's so attracted to Amarillo. Given what that word means in Spanish, everyone in that city is "yellow."

(Besides, Amarillo sits in the "Texas panhandle" - and who would want to be around more panhandlers, after living in Columbus?)

"Moody, sarcastic" is how Sonja Heinze describes herself on her blog - and it certainly describes her most recent post on Tuesday. In it, she lists eight "reasons I hate Columbus." Maybe her next P.R. job should be in LaGrange....

What, you say your mouse isn't working today?! I'll be glad to share some of Sonja Heinze's reasons why she hates Columbus:

+ "Poorly designed roads." Aw, c'mon! We beat Atlanta - since in most parts of Columbus, you actually can drive around the block.

+ "Pathetically low level of education." At least Warehouse Transmission corrected its commercial, after spelling its address "Martin LUTHOR King Boulevard" for several days.

+ "Inability of town to rally around and support a sports team." If we're not careful, Shaw High School might threaten to move its home football games to Valdosta.

+ "Absurd women who shop at Bradley Park Publix who think they're better than everyone else." What do you want them to do - shop with the cheapskates up the road at Winn-Dixie?

But wait, there's more! Sonja Heinze goes on to complain, "Southern hospitality is a myth." Well, she should talk! I appreciate her link to my blog - but she hasn't invited me by for sweet tea yet..

While waiting for a job to open in Texas, Sonja Heinze is working for the Harris County Journal. That's meant covering what her blog calls "the intellectually-challenged Harris County Board of Commissioners." Maybe the University of Phoenix should have put its office in Hamilton....

Here's hoping Sonja Heinze finds that long-awaited job in Amarillo -- though I suspect some people reading this will be more than happy to roll the moving van up to her door this weekend.

And as we head toward that weekend, let's check other interesting things from Thursday:

+ The Columbus Catfish issued a news release denying rumors the team might move to Jackson, Tennessee. Well, that's a refreshing change -- after those posters of Pigeon Forge were on the Golden Park box-office window throughout last off-season. [True!]

(The news release reveals the Catfish are close to signing a three-year contract with the city, to play at Golden Park. Hopefully the team won't demand anything unnecessary and silly - like more grandstand seats.)

+ Executives from BellSouth's Atlanta office visited the Columbus Museum, to examine a new exhibit honoring local businesses. No doubt they were amazed - because they can't even get mentioned at Atlanta's High Museum without paying some money.

(Hey, that gives me an idea! Let's put a wonderful alternative to the Transformation sculpture in front of the Public Library -- something that's a historic relic, yet potentially quite functional. It's called a phone booth.)

+ The Eufaula Tribune reported someone posted notes on the doors of three major churches, warning: "I am going to destroy and wipe out the white nation." So far, Bill Madison has NOT been declared a "person of interest" in this case....

+ The Alabama House and Senate approved bills to stop the use of "eminent domain" by local governments. We mention this only for one reason -- because other bloggers consider you strange if you don't mention this topic.

(Meanwhile, the Alabama House voted for mandatory castration of convicted sex offenders whose victims are younger than 12. Or as Home Box Office might call it, "The REAL Sopranos....")

+ University of Alabama President Robert Witt confirmed his wife Anne has moved out, and the couple will divorce. Shame on all of you who are wondering if Mike DuBose called, and asked for her new address.

+ Instant Message to William Calley, wherever in Columbus you are: Did you shed a tear over the funeral of General William Westmoreland Thursday? Or do you plan to track down his grave in South Carolina, and stomp on it a few times?

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