BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet months ago, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
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28 JUL 03: WE'LL MEET IN CHAMBERS
Sunday marked the first time in perhaps 30 years that I played badminton - and I beat a man about half my age 21-16. Yes, it looks like this will be a VERY good week....
The badminton game was part of our church congregation's annual picnic, which an Elder hosted at his country home in Chambers County. I had to go back home to pick up the map he prepared to find his house, because I forgot it - leaving me wondering if Abraham's wandering in the wilderness happened the same way.
This local Elder has a VERY nice house about six miles outside LaFayette. He has satellite TV, with a big-screen set. He has an outdoor swimming pool. And my Pastor especially raved about his outdoor sink -- which beats the pool for cleaning your hands, after eating barbecued chicken.
Grilled chicken was the main course at our church picnic this year - and there was so much chicken, a giant trailer-sized grill was borrowed from "Farmers and Merchants Bank." Is this what banks do now, instead of giving customers toasters?
A short while after we enjoyed the grilled half-chickens, out came four pails of homemade ice cream. The "Center for Science in the Public Interest" would have faced a tough decision: either head for the car, or play badminton until dark to work off all the calories.
Between the main course and the ice cream, something strange happened. A rain shower developed at the house - and young people in the swimming pool got out and ran for cover. Huh?! They were wet from the pool already....
It was your typical church picnic in many ways - but one thing happened which made it memorable. A man went to his car, and brought out to display his brand-new, still-in-the-box shotgun. For a minute, I thought we were going to have to shoot dinner ourselves.
After the first man pulled out his shotgun, another man went to his car and grabbed what someone described as a ".41-caliber pistol." Is this a Southern thing -- showing off weapons at a picnic? At most picnics I've attended, the most lethal weapon was a horseshoe.
All in all, it was a wonderful old-fashioned Sunday in the country. You would have felt right at home with our group - and you wouldn't even have heard any preaching from the Pastor.
(REMINDER: our church congregation is having an open house next weekend -- and blog readers can join us. Please write me for the time and location.)
Away from the picnic grounds, here are other things I discovered on a Sunday drive in the countryside:
+ The scaffolding is finally gone, outside the Chambers County Courthouse in LaFayette. Too bad it hasn't been moved down the street -- because some downtown brick buildings look so empty, you could house half of Columbus's homeless people inside them.
+ The basketball goals outside Chambers Academy are noticeably rusty. I thought these "academies" were for wealthy white families, trying to escape declining public schools.
+ A sign outside the Salem Volunteer Fire Department urges you to "number your house for 911." That sounds like a good idea - but if everyone in the neighborhood believes his house is number one, who's going to settle it?
+ Since memos are SO old-fashioned -- Instant Message to the Opelika Kroger store: Why do you insist on playing sound of cackling chickens in your egg section? The mooing cows at the milk case were bad enough. What's next - tapes of people speaking Spanish at the taco shell shelves?
(A Kroger employee admitted to me she's annoyed by those cackling chickens erupting every two minutes or so. The sooner "KRGR-Kroger Radio" buys Norah Jones's album, the happier everyone will be.)
PAIN-O-RAMA: I told a couple of people at the church picnic about the pain survey I'm doing. They seemed puzzled - perhaps because I've now blown away their claim that they don't know anybody who gets asked poll questions.
My total pain count was three for Saturday, and four for Sunday. Thankfully, the jaw pain seems to be almost gone - perhaps because I can't talk back to the radio when good music is playing.
SONG OF THE DAY: Speaking of road trips, now that WRBL has taken us to a giant dollhouse in the middle of a Lanett cemetery, it seems time to give this weekly feature a theme song. To the tune of "My Darling Clementine" (add your own banjo):
Brian's Backroads, Brian's Backroads,
Brian Sharpe will take a trip.
He'll see spots so unfamiliar
You'll ask why you give a flip.
He'll go all around the valley,
Searching high and searching low.
He might find historic potholes
On the backroads he will go.
Brian Sharpe might go to Griffin
Or to Westville or Lanett.
But we're hard-pressed to remember
All the people he has met.
Brian's Backroads, Brian's Backroads,
He makes trips so far away
That he ought to check the restaurants
And get more work done that way!
© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.