BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as
well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
5 JUL 03: LESS THAN PERFECT
The other night, Dr. Phil McGraw's topic was perfectionism - and he strongly suggested it was a bad trait to have. While I respect his opinion, he should realize something. If everyone did things perfectly, life would go a lot more smoothly.
I bring this up because of several incidents this weekend. A caller to "TalkLine" on Independence Day actually said this: "If Francis Scott Key were alive today, he'd be thrilled at what's become of his masterpiece.... It's the WORDS that make it so great! 'And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.'" Only one thing's imperfect about that. That line's from "America the Beautiful" - which Francis Scott Key DIDN'T write.
I heard this misstatement in my car, while driving up Veterans Parkway, and was a bit surprised when TalkLine host Russ Hollenbeck did NOT correct the caller. But my thinking was imperfect here. WRCG is talk radio - where the hosts never play any music, so they don't know any better.
I was driving toward 7490 Veterans Parkway, where my postcard from the American Red Cross said a holiday blood drive was underway. But the card was imperfect - because there's no business marked 7490, much less the Red Cross. I eventually turned around at B.Merrell's, since I doubted they'd give free chicken wings to all blood donors.
It turns out the Red Cross blood drive was at the longtime Columbus office on Rosemont Drive. I showed the staff the postcard, and was told wet weather has delayed their move to 7490 Veterans Parkway until late August. It WAS great weather, though, for all those Red Cross rubber ducks.
(So even the Red Cross is moving north of J.R. Allen Parkway. Don't these people realize most of the need for blood comes from crime on the south side of town?)
I joined the crowd at "Thunder on the Hooch" during the afternoon and -- gasp! -- spotted more imperfection. A booth selling popcorn had a sign, saying it cost "one DOLLER." What makes this more embarrassing is that the man selling the food didn't look like an immigrant at all.
At least the stage at the Phenix City Amphitheater was dry, so the musical acts at Thunder on the Hooch could go on. If the flooding returns next year, maybe they can set up an "All-American Mud Run" there.
At dark, the fireworks came - only they suddenly stopped for a couple of minutes after the first burst. A man confirmed for me today it was NOT a matter of television not being ready. So maybe this was a new kind of two-minute warning.
Saturday dawned with a promise of perfection once again, only I blew it. I drove to church, sat down for the first message of the day - and discovered I'd left both my ink pens at home, instead of putting them in my shirt pocket. I suppose I could have sat through the service without taking notes, like 90 percent of U.S. churchgoers....
But no, I didn't do that. Thankfully, an usher came by where I was sitting and provided me a spare pen for taking notes. As he explained later, "In the insurance business, you always have two or three pens on hand." The better for signing those dotted lines, you know.
The snack table at church also had something that looked imperfect. Have you seen the "Backwards Oreos" they're making now - with dark chocolate filling surrounded by vanilla cookies? I guess this is what critics can call Eminem or Justin Timberlake.
A Saturday night newscast also fell short of perfection. Blaine Stewart admitted as much on WRBL's 11:00 p.m. news when he announced: "We have a little extra time tonight -- so if you like news music, you're in for a treat!" [True!] At least he could have gotten up and sung to it, to get me ready for "Showtime at the Apollo."
Alas, we should look on the bright side. WNCF-TV, the ABC station in Montgomery, stopped doing local news Friday night. The management's idea of July 4th freedom was telling the staff it was free to go.
(Maybe this station should have brought back its old call letters for this occasion - and told the news department to "WHOA.")
COMING SUNDAY: A job opportunity which could be just what you've been waiting for....