27 MAR 08: DAY OF THE DUCK

Wednesday was a big day for one of Columbus's biggest companies. The C.E.O. of Aflac co-hosted an hour-long discussion near Wall Street. Then company officials held an important meeting with employees who are young parents. Only one event was on TV -- and it probably was NOT the one most people preferred to see.

Aflac chief executive Dan Amos appeared for an hour on CNBC's "Squawk Box." I didn't see and hear all of it -- but he seemed to say the upcoming shareholder vote on his salary was NOT binding. So if people don't give the right "say for pay," the board could throw all the ballots away.

Dan Amos attempted to justify his proposed compensation of more than $13 million. He said Aflac's "market cap" had increased enormously since he became C.E.O. Does it take someone with a big head, to wear a cap that size?

Dan Amos added the value of Aflac to shareholders has increased more than 3,500 percent during his tenure. If that's true, forget about keeping him in Columbus as C.E.O. -- let's put him in Washington, running the Federal Reserve Bank.

Dan Amos says even though the U.S. economy is slumping, he expects Aflac revenues to grow 13 to 15 percent this year. I think that's because Aflac does a lot of business in Japan. If the dollar's value keeps dropping, all those yen will go much farther in Columbus.

It was surprising to hear Dan Amos say Aflac does most of its corporate investing in securities based in the Japanese currency. It's a wonder Jim Rhodes hasn't organized a protest march around the Aflac tower....

(Aflac employees who come here from Japan must be surprised as well. You'll find three hamburger restaurants within walking distance of Aflac tower - while you have to drive downtown to eat at Sumo-to-Go-Go.)

Another surprise came at the end of the hour on CNBC, when Dan Amos said Aflac uses a different voice for its famous duck in Japan. Apparently Gilbert Gottfried's "Aflac!" is considered too loud there -- which also may explain why sumo wrestling is bigger in Japan than the WWE.

I doubt the Squawk Box team asked Dan Amos about the biggest Aflac issue of the moment -- its day care contract. A late-afternoon meeting with parents concerned whether to continue using the Growing Room. In recent weeks, things have been more like Growing Pains....

First there was the Growing Room staff member accused of pulling children around by their ears. Then came speculation that the Growing Room almost sent a child home with the wrong adult. If two errors were enough to result in a disqualification, the Democratic nominee for President might be settled by now.

Some Aflac parents said they actually like keeping their children at the Growing Room and Imagination Station. Consider the alternative for a moment. Some women might face the scary thought of working from home....

Aflac executives insist nothing has changed for now, in its day care deal with the Growing Room. But an annual contract comes up for renewal and review in June -- so this could be a golden opportunity for Chuck E. Cheese to expand its operations.

Aflac probably wanted more attention paid to another announcement involving children Wednesday. It's providing $16,000 for a second year, to sponsor the summer reading program in Columbus-area public libraries. Mary had a little duck, its feathers white as snow....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Speaking of someone with a lot of money, remember the woman we described on Wednesday?

Richard...the wearing of the green known as b'day money is a long tradition..I don't know if it covers the world ,but certainly it is practiced here in Cols...Watch the school kids who have b'days...Sure does help with that shopping for b'day presents.. I really enjoy reading your blog in the morning..I think the Ledger must read your headlines when getting ready for the next day's edition...keep up the good work...

Uh-oh - I have to be careful, when it comes to watching school children. As a longtime single guy, one wrong look anymore can get your name checked in a sex offender registry.

No one pinned money on me, when I was a boy. Among my friends, it was even dangerous to play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."

But enough about politics - let's move on to other Wednesday news:

+ TSYS Chairman Phil Tomlinson appeared on CNBC during the "Dan Amos Hour." Tomlinson noted his company obtained a credit card contract this week with Standard Bank of South Africa. In that country, of course, everyone knows it's the gold Standard....

(Phil Tomlinson added consumers still seem to be using their credit cards as much these days - but they're buying less with them. When diesel fuel prices hit four dollars a gallon, there's not much left in the convenience store budget for beef jerky.)

+ Fife Whiteside told WXTX "News at Ten" he will NOT seek another term on the Muscogee County School Board. I'm not sure this is the man school board critics want to see quit - but they might help him prepare a resume to apply for Superintendent.

(Remember the last school board campaign, and the signs Mr. Whiteside placed around his district? They said "Fife for Five." Now people campaigning for his seat might refer to the current board as the "Fife and Dumb Corps.")

+ WRBL reported a 63-year-old man was arrested for operating a house of prostitution on Third Avenue, near Manchester Expressway. Some parts of Columbus have the "House of Heroes." This neighborhood (ahem) reportedly had the "House of H**o's."

+ A Fort Benning employee told the LaGrange Daily News his family bought Easter baskets at Publix - only to find messages in them supporting Saudi Arabia. Obviously, there was a mix-up here. Saudi Arabia's government bars sales of ham, at any time of year. [True!]

+ Spence McCracken announced he'll retire as Opelika High School's head football coach after the coming season. His successor will have a tough act to follow - but he should have an easy time convincing the school board to change that misspelling of "Dawgs" on the team helmets.

+ Instant Message to Pastors Vince Allen and Chris Mitchell: That's a pretty bold move you made - merging your congregations to form "The Bridge Church" on Second Avenue. But if you don't mind, I'm waiting for The Poker Church. You know, worshiping the "King of Kings...."

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 691 (+ 10, 1.5%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAY 25: 3.5 miles run, 1.4 walked. Total: 85.45 miles run, 12.4 walked

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