26 MAR 08: WEARING OF THE GREEN

"I probably shouldn't ask this...." I said quietly to the woman in front of me in line at a grocery store Tuesday evening. Before you jump to conclusions -- no, I wasn't shopping for dates at the supermarket.

"What?" the woman in front of me asked.

"Why do you have five-dollar bills pinned to your shirt?"

I couldn't make this up -- the woman really had several dollar bills pinned to her shirt, in plain sight of anyone. The top bill was a five. To borrow from Tuesday's e-mail, the "big bills" might have been right below it.

"They're from work," the woman said. That seemed to rule out the Alzheimer's theory.

But this led to another question - why were people pinning dollar bills on this woman's shirt at work? We were in a downtown-area grocery store - a good distance from the men's clubs on Victory Drive.

"It's my birthday," the woman explained. Aha! So she was NOT reenacting that TV commercial for investment plans, where someone wears money all over the place.

I didn't ask where this woman works -- but apparently her office has some sort of custom of pinning money on people celebrating their birthdays. Somehow I doubt this woman works at a loan office.

"Be careful where you walk, with that on," I advised the woman. She probably didn't have a lot of money on her shirt, but she was in a riskier situation as this week's lottery millionaire with the giant-sized check.

"I'm going straight home," she assured me. You don't think she would play tunes by "50 Cent" in her car, do you?

The woman's turn in the checkout line finally came - and the woman at the register showed remarkable poise. She didn't ask about the five-dollar bills on the customer's shirt. And she didn't presume to pull off any, to pay for the groceries.

The woman in front of me wound up with about $3.60 in change. But then things became even more puzzling. She put the three dollar bills in her billfold.

"You're not putting those on?" I asked her.

"They're separate," she answered. Maybe she worked at a tax office -- and she set the gifts apart, to count for next year's return.

Before you consider this woman bizarre, stop and think for a minute. You might be wearing a lot of money in public today, without even realizing it. Do you wear fancy jewelry? Put on a top-dollar suit? And have you learned to cover up the logos on those late-model Nike sneakers?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Speaking of big money on public display....

Is it wise for taxpayers to foot the bill for the entire Muscogee County School Board (sans Messrs. Whiteside and Wells), its outgoing Superintendent and a guest and its outgoing Asst. Superintendent and a guest to travel to Orlando, Florida to live it up at a NCSB meeting while we cannot find the money to build desparately needed new schools? Perhaps y'all could ask the good Doctor about that before they leave Thursday.

Regards,

The Federalist

I'm told the national school board convention is an annual event. I think board members have traveled to it for years -- but it's not clear if the entire school board will travel to Orlando this year. When you've seen one Mickey Mouse, you've seen them all.

But let's not jump to conclusions here. The cost for attending this school board convention might not take away from the budget for new schools. The school board might simply be spending that Baker High School money.

Here's one more message, about new arrivals in local broadcasting:

Hey Richard;

While I can't provide more information until the station goes on-the-air. You might find information on the FCC website regarding a new FM station that will be put on the air soon in Columbus.

WBOJ-FM

103.7

Licensed to Cusseta, GA

Owned by River City Broadcasting, LLC

Our web-wide searching Tuesday night didn't find much - but with a name like River City Broadcasting, you'd think the owners would live outside Columbus. We're River-TOWN, after all....

But it turns out the main owner's name on WBOJ-FM is H. Lynn Page, a retired executive with Synovus. His wife is on the Brookstone School Board of Trustees - so perhaps those call numbers stand for: "We're Brookstone, Overpowering Jordan."

Now let's scan the dials, for items which made news on Tuesday:

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington held his final public forum on the proposed one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax proposal. The mayor admitted to WRBL the turnout has NOT been strong for the forums. Blame it on "March Madness" - as in mad voters, who have already decided to vote no.

+ WRBL reported a Fort Benning "battle lab" wants to close Front Avenue for a day, to conduct training involving tanks. These soldiers simply need to be patient - because God Bless Fort Benning is coming again downtown in November.

+ Fort Benning Rangers began four days of unusual overnight drills, at the LaGrange-Callaway Airport. You never know when North Korean spies will sneak their way onto one of Kia's private planes.

+ Midland Middle School Principal Richard Green assured parents in the wake of the "slap boxing" suspensions, the school's restrooms are now regulated. This should be a relief - because I'd certainly want a student to wash his hands, before slapping my child across the face.

+ Kendrick High School announced plans for a parade to celebrate the state champion ladies' basketball team. It won't be held until April 19 -- as if they expect the baseball team to be dominant for the next few weeks.

+ Instant Message to my niece Heather: Yes, I received it - the card announcing your wedding in Kansas in late May. But when did couples start sending "save the date" cards, before wedding invitations came out? Did you hire some big public relations firm in Kansas City to handle this?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $3.13 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... milk for $2.99 a gallon at Circle K.... Aflac's Dan Amos co-hosting CNBC's Squawk Box in the 8:00 a.m. ET hour (so will it be renamed Quack Box?)....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 681 (+ 11, 1.6%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAY 24: 1.5 hours spring cleaning. Total: 81.95 miles run, 11 walked

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.