23 MAR 08: HOMELY WITH IN-TENT-CITY

"We're homely.... homely people." So a stranger told me in a Columbus parking lot the other day.

"I think you mean homeless," I told him. But then again, have you ever seen a homeless man who was a hunk?

BLOGGER BEGGARS 3 & 4: In response to a reader's suggestion, we're trying to combine our encounters with Columbus beggars. On Friday, we met #4 - and it all started as I walked down the sidewalk at the Oakland Park Shopping Center.

"There's a store here," a man in a bright yellow shirt said as I approached Millie's Market. They simply don't install overhead signs in the strip malls, like they did 30 years ago.

I had stopped to turn around in mid-sidewalk, to get something from my car -- except I didn't quite grasp what the stranger said, and thought he might be the lost one. So I went back for clarification. "Yes, I know there's a store there."

"Oh, I thought you might be looking for a store." I should have told him there are others south of Millie's, that he can promote as well.

"Are you good?" the man asked me. What a loaded question. He might as well have been a Baptist evangelist, by the way that sort of question forces a Christian like me into a logic corner.

"I try to keep the Ten Commandments," I said in a confessional response. "I try not to sin, if that's what you mean."

That may have been exactly the information he needed. "Can you give me some change, please?" Who knows -- if I had said I'm not good, he might have run away in fear.

"What do you need it for?"

"I'm trying to get something to eat at Church's" - a restaurant about two blocks away.

"Not from Millie's?"

"No, at Church's." I should have asked why not Millie's. Shouldn't you beg for money outside the place where you really want to eat?

"I have clothing in the dryer, sir," - which was true, since it was my coin laundry day at Oakland Park. "Can you wait? Is this a now-or-never situation?" Some beggars over the years have left the impression that if they move off the spot where they're standing, they'll keel over and die.

"Yeah, I can wait." The stranger in the yellow shirt wandered around for a while, then came into the coin laundry a few minutes later as I was folding some clothing. "How are you doing, sir?"

"I still have some clothes left to dry. It'll be a few minutes, then I can help you." I can't help wondering if that reply surprised the man - and if he forgot I was the one who offered to help him in the first place.

The beggar was willing to wait on my remaining wet clothes in the drier. "I've got all day," he said. I had a 12:45 luncheon to attend, then spring cleaning to do at home. Beggars are only "on the clock" until sundown - and maybe a bit later on weekends.

But the beggar actually did me a favor, as I finished the laundry chore. He found a stray blue sock in a washer, that I missed while moving the clothes to the drier. I might have concluded it was hiding in my bedding - and I'd wind up merely with one extra pot holder.

(The stray blue sock was dry by the time I'd finished lunch. The back of a car on a sunny day beats line-drying anytime.)

The man in the yellow shirt was quite talkative, as we hopped in the car. "Piggly Wiggly...."

"No," I said stopping him. "You said Church's, so we're going to Church's." If he wanted change for a refrigerator full of food, he should have said so up front.

It was during the short drive to Church's that the beggar revealed quite a bit of information. Not only had he been "homely" about a year, but he's part of a group of homeless people. "About 12 of us.... we're in a tent city."

"Where?"

"Behind the Winn-Dixie" - about a mile farther up South Lumpkin Road. So he IS working a little bit. That's a long walk to the Oakland Park Shopping Center to beg.

"So that explains all the beggars I've seen around here," I told the man. Like the man who said "Dollar" in January, and wound up with a 15-dollar lunch. And the man two years ago in the Winn-Dixie parking lot, who wanted gas money for a mystery car he wouldn't show me. And a host of others - which seem to total a lot more than 12.

As we pulled into the Church's parking lot, the man in the yellow shirt started haggling. "They have a nine-piece for $6.99."

"No, I'm only buying you lunch." But he was rather large around the waist - so nine pieces might have been lunch to him.

Inside Church's, the beggar made his order. "Gimme a four-piece." Only problem: the menu had an offer of four chicken tenders - not four whole pieces of chicken. And I should note it cost more than the spare change he wanted in the first place.

Stymied in his attempt to get four pieces of chicken, the beggar asked me again about the nine-piece offer for $6.99. I still said no -- and the man wound up settling on a chicken tender combo for $5.59. He said something to me about not being able to fill him up. Well, almost. "Can I have a couple of pieces with that?" he asked a woman behind the counter -- as if this was a flea market, not a restaurant.

One big question remained as I drove away toward my regularly scheduled lunch. What about that tent city? Friday evening I drove back to South Lumpkin Road - and while I didn't see any tents, I found plenty of evidence in the woods behind Winn-Dixie that homeless people live there. At least they're not hindering traffic around downtown bridges anymore....

The man in the yellow shirt told me churches in the neighborhood provide the homeless camp with food from time to time. He did NOT say any of them provide jobs, or help in finding one. Perhaps this group should start walking over to Baker Village, and offer to help tear down building walls.

Lest we forget: beggar #3 was much more run-of-the-mill. It was a man who walked past me a few Saturdays ago, as I strolled on the Chattahoochee Promenade near the Space Science Center. "Sir," he said twice after passing me - then finally he had the courage to ask for money for something to eat. Strangely, I didn't even have a wallet sticking out.

"I live a few blocks from here," I told the man. "Come to my house, and I'll make you something to eat." The man agreed, and the walk picked up some pace. The less time he had to think of other things to demand, the better.

During the walk of about five blocks, I went through all the "outs" the beggar might have. No, he wasn't limited in what he could eat - unlike one man on Veterans Parkway years ago, who made it sound like he was on a "chicken-or-death" diet.

We passed a house on Broadway where two people were doing some loading or unloading. "I'll have to go back there, and see if I can work for them," the beggar said. I tried to tell him he shouldn't be working on Saturday. But then again, I don't say that to any restaurant workers when I dine out after church.

The man took a seat on my front porch, and I heated a frozen burrito for him in the microwave. Why DO the burrito instructions tell you to turn the plate once, when the machine has a spinning plate already installed?

I gave the man his burrito on a plate with a cup of water -- but he couldn't stay long. "I've got to see about that work," he said carrying a late lunch away. Somehow, I doubt those two people needed to hire a begging stranger. The law offices down Broadway probably would warn them about the liability risk.

BLOG UPDATE: We didn't realize it until the last couple of days, but Hurtsboro's favorite (well, only) Constable Robert Schweiger confirms to your blog he's running for Russell County Commissioner. If Hurtsboro's going out of business, he's going to have to find some bigger corruption to attack.

The Ledger-Enquirer reports Robert Schweiger is challenging Russell County Commissioner J.D. Upshaw. But a bigger surprise may be a third name in the race. School principal Larry Screws was arrested and acquitted two years ago, after he was accused of not promptly reporting a sex crime allegation. Combine that with Schweiger's contempt of court conviction, and Upshaw may not have to campaign at all.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: A check of Columbus's newest TV station....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 679 (+ 15, 2.3%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAY 21: 3.65 miles run, 1.95 miles walked. Total: 69.15 miles run, 10.8 walked

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