5 MAR 08: DASH TO THE AIRPORT

CLASSIC BLOG, 3 MAR 05: The late Atlanta preacher Mays Jackson told a story about a conversation with his wife about funeral plans. "When you die," his wife asked, "do you want to be buried with your parents or with my parents?"

"Neither one. I want to be buried in that little green spot of land, in front of the Wal-Mart store."

Jackson's wife understandably was stunned by this. "Why do you want to be buried in front of the Wal-Mart store?"

"That way, I know you'll come to see me at least twice a week."

Somehow I doubt Mays Jackson got his wish - but at least the city of Columbus tried to oblige him. There's greenspace and young trees in front of the latest Wal-Mart SuperCenter, which opens today on Airport Thruway. All that's lacking now are the gas-guzzling cars to fill the parking lot, and choke the trees of their oxygen.

Some people are predicting traffic will be a mess, on opening day of the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter. After all, it's located along Interstate 185 at Airport Thruway. But at least there's one bit of good news - the airport down the road is likely to be as quiet as usual.

But opening day might not be the biggest traffic problem. Thunder in the Valley is March 15-16, and the air show historically has used the parking lot of the Airport Thruway Wal-Mart to handle traffic. That church in the old Circuit City store next door might be able to pay for a lot of mission trips, at five bucks a car.

Yet aren't these concerned people forgetting something? Airport Thruway was about eight lanes wide already, back when the store east of I-185 was an old-fashioned Wal-Mart. In fact, the new SuperCenter could reveal the roads at Columbus Park Crossing were the right width after all.

The old-fashioned Airport Thruway Wal-Mart closed 14 months ago, to be renovated into a SuperCenter. The new store incorporates the old Sam's Club. The federal government might have stepped in, had Wal-Mart expanded farther back and swallowed up Home Depot.

The preparations for the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter continued right up to Tuesday's last minute. The store was NOT open yet, despite a billboard with a giant strawberry claiming it was. You'd think the sign company could have painted it a green shade for a few days....

Did you see WRBL's videotape from inside the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter? Someone appeared to have crawled inside one of the drink shelves - and all you could see was his feet! Sometimes I've felt like doing that at a grocery store, to find the milk with the latest expiration date.

The new improved Wal-Mart can't come soon enough for nearby merchants. The SuperCenter opens at 7:00 a.m. - but the first big line of the day may form at 6:00. It'll be for the Shoney's breakfast buffet on Airport Thruway.

WLTZ revealed the real reason why the other new Wal-Mart SuperCenter delayed its grand opening until next Wednesday. The Midland store doesn't have all its roads ready yet. So?! The better to sell those tires with warranty plans....

But really now - what does it say about Columbus when the opening of a new Wal-Mart SuperCenter gets this much attention? Doesn't it say we're still a "big town," and not really a city? Or does it say Peachtree Mall needs to have more one-day sales?

Before you race out the door to check the specials on baked goods, please take a moment to consider other Tuesday news:

+ A morning storm dropped more than an inch of rain on Columbus. We've had so much rain this winter that local shoe stores actually are thinking about stocking galoshes again.

+ Local NAACP President Bill Madison told Columbus Council he opposes the proposed one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax. Madison warned it would hurt families facing foreclosure -- although it's hard to imagine four dollars a month at the supermarket pushing you over the edge, when homes cost tens of thousands.

+ Georgia House Speaker Glenn Richardson surrendered his campaign for "consumption taxes" on groceries and other items. How bizarre is this -- a powerful Republican now is more in line with Bill Madison than Democratic mayor is?!

+ Phenix City Council members Arthur Sumbry and Gail Brantley confirmed they'll run for re-election. It happened as the council approved higher city water rates. So voters will have to decide not only if the current council is all wet, but whether they can afford to make them that way.

+ An Alabama state board visited Auburn University, to check a site for a possible state aquarium. There's only one problem with putting a giant tank of water there. The swimming teams will want to use it for practice every day.

+ WLTZ's evening newscast presented a local chef, showing the difference between slicing and chopping celery. And this is "the most powerful news source in the Chattahoochee Valley"?! The knife wasn't even an electric....

+ Atlanta's baseball team signed outfielder Jeff Francoeur to a 2008 contract. He'll earn about $450,000 this season - which in this day and age means those "Francoeur's Franks" in the stands might be all he can afford to eat.

(Jeff Francoeur drove in more than 100 runs last year, so this contract makes Atlanta looks like cheapskates. Is the baseball team trying to bail out Grady Hospital?)

+ Instant Message to 80-year-old Pedro Sanchez: Congratulations on your wedding last weekend at Magnolia Manor! I guess there's still hope for me - if I wind up in a nursing home, and annoy the right woman day after day with requests to marry her.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 756 (+ 25, 3.4%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAY 2: Racquetball practice, 30 minutes. Total: 8.85 miles run, 0.75 walked

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