3 MAR 06: MORE LOCAL?

A telemarketer had a great offer for me the other night. But then again, when does a telemarketer claim to have a LOUSY offer? I doubt any of them read their own personal script, anyway....

This telemarketer was offering a discount subscription price for the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer. But most of the newspaper's big articles are posted on its web site. And he'd called on a Friday night -- when I like to say I turn into a pumpkin shortly after dark.

The telemarketer confirmed my name, address, apartment number and phone number -- but in the process, he asked me how the weather was in Columbus. You're selling the local paper, and you have to ask me about the weather? Is your office that boxed in, with no windows?

This question was so puzzling that I had to ask the telemarketer: "Where are you calling from?"

"I'm in the promotions center." I doubt most Ledger-Enquirer reporters would accept an answer like that.

The telemarketer's answer seemed more like a dodge - and I don't mean the pickup truck - so I pressed further. "Are you in this country?" This is the modern equivalent of the old question on "What's My Line" - is it bigger than a breadbox.

"Of course I'm in this country," the telemarketer answered.

"You're not in India or Bangladesh?!" This is why I think some White House staffers quietly are concerned about the President's current trip to Asia - their jobs could be outsourced.

"No," the telemarketer answered. He said he understood people's concerns about buying American. After all, the Jerusalem Post isn't exactly flying off the racks at Books-A-Million.

So the telemarketer was somewhere in the U.S., but he never revealed exactly where. A "promotions center" could be anyplace. It's sort of like the all-news radio stations who have a "sports desk" and a "financial desk" - which probably is all the same desk, cluttered with little labels.

With that matter still unsettled, the telemarketer went on to confirm all the vital information about me, then transferred me to a supervisor for verification. But as happens so often, the caller had forgotten something -- and I told the supervisor so. "He never asked me if I wanted the paper."

"Do you want the paper?" the supervisor finally asked. No, I didn't -- and the conversation was over within seconds. Once again, the Ledger-Enquirer reporters probably wouldn't react this way. Journalists aren't supposed to take no for an immediate answer.

The supervisor thanked me for my time - but the line remained open for close to a minute. I quietly listened on, and the supervisor quoted me in a mocking voice in the distance: "He never asked me if I wanted it!" Well, that IS the difference between a good customer and a shoplifter.

Telemarketing offices probably are filled with stories about cranky potential customers, and the put-downs they give salespeople. Blogs like this one probably are filled with the other side of the exchange. Is there any way to arrange a peace conference -- maybe with an all-expense-paid for me to India, to cover it?

Now some quick rings as we head toward the weekend:

+ Some business owners at The Landings Shopping Center along Airport Thruway told WXTX "News at Ten" months of construction work have hurt their business. I won't believe this is bad until Outback Steakhouse changes its sign to read: "No rules, just wrong."

+ The Columbus Firefighters Foundation hosted a fund-raising turkey calling contest. This tradition is becoming antiquated - as more and more people send politicians e-mails instead.

+ George Wallace Jr. visited Phenix City, as he campaigns for Alabama Lieutenant Governor. Wallace disappointed some older Alabamians, when he didn't pose for pictures while standing in a schoolhouse door.

(George Wallace Jr. is very different from his famous father. He's a Republican who talks about tax cuts. His dad was a Democrat who sometimes talked about barbed wire - but in terms of enemas.)

+ The Georgia House approved a bill providing tax breaks for a new electric generating plant in Clay County. The proposed plant would make energy from peanut shells and pecan hulls - so it could draw a big crowd of hungry people around 4:00 every afternoon.

+ An e-mail newsletter from the Columbus RiverCenter declared soprano Kathleen Battle "America's favorite diva." It's too bad we already have a Big Blog Question going - because I think Mariah Carey or Katie Couric would win that poll in a rout.

+ Instant Message to whomever taped a big arrow on the Riverwalk at 11^th Street: OK, you've stumped me. Your arrow's pointing directly toward the Chattahoochee River - but don't you think people would have noticed that while walking down the stairs?

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: A local lawmaker gets a very interesting challenge....

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