13 MAR 06: SUPER, TROUPERS

The big news became official Sunday night - Kia will build a big new auto assembly plant in the Troup County town of West Point. So if animals are allowed inside the factory, will they be Kia Pets?

The Ledger-Enquirer reported Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue was in South Korea Monday, signing an agreement which actually was worked out almost a month ago. The state is providing more than $400 million in tax incentives - so who knows how much money might be offered to keep Tim Hudson pitching in Atlanta.

Rumors first surfaced two weeks ago that West Point was in line to get Kia's first U.S. plant. In fact, some people went ahead and sold their property for the factory. I suppose if the rumors proved false, those people would have moved to the REAL location in Mississippi....

Then the evening TV news spotted a work crew last week, collecting soil samples from the proposed plant site. The crew members wouldn't say why - which may raise concerns there's some dirty dealing involved here.

The Ledger-Enquirer reports ground will be broken April 25 for the Kia plant in West Point. Don't the South Koreans realize that timing is a bit off -- three days late for Earth Day?

Kia will come to the economic rescue of West Point, which has lost a lot of mill jobs in recent years. In fact, if the factory isn't built quickly, there might not be any locally-made towels left for the workers to clean their hands.

The new Kia plant reportedly will bring an average annual salary of $50,000. The "over-and-under" of people turning in resignation letters at AFLAC today is 45.

While people in West Point probably are thrilled about a new industry coming to town, some old-timers may be shaking their heads with concern. A company based in South Korea will be the city's biggest employer - and yet lawmakers in Washington are making all that fuss about Dubai?!

The new Kia plant promises to bring at least 3,000 new jobs to West Point. But hold on a second - didn't General Motors and Ford recently announce plans to close factories in metro Atlanta? What's to keep those employees from moving down Interstate 85 and swooping up all the Kia jobs? Oh yeah, I forgot - Kia probably won't have a union.

Let's see who stands to benefit from Kia locating a plant in West Point:

+ Korean War veterans - who now can feel confident their service 50 years ago was worth something in the long run.

+ Knology, which has its main office in West Point. You won't mind a cable channel showing nothing but kung fu films, will you?

+ The Korea House restaurant on Veterans Parkway - as long as it opens a second location in Harris County.

+ GCW Wrestling - since Asian wrestlers who cheat by using karate and throwing salt always bring in a crowd.

While the Kia announcement is good economic news, I hope West Point and Troup County officials learn a lesson from this - and try to diversify the economy, by looking for other businesses to bring in. For instance, does Suzuki need a new motorcycle plant?

Now for other news from Selection Sunday (that's basketball language, if you don't know):

+ The Port Columbus museum marked its fifth anniversary with a weekend celebration called "River Blast." Why Sonic Drive-Ins don't sponsor this, I have no idea....

+ The selections for the NCAA men's basketball tournament found no Georgia teams making the field, while three Alabama colleges did. Will someone please repeat for me why Georgia coach Dennis Felton still has a job, if Ron Jirsa couldn't keep his more than two years?

+ Instant Message to Madman Dan at Bill Heard Chevrolet: Do you yell that loudly ALL the time, like you do in the commercials? Do you have a second job as a Pentecostal preacher?

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: This weekend's death of the notorious Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic reminded us of all the times we mentioned him in the LaughLine era, when we wrote for a national audience. Here's some of what we said:

2 Apr 01: Former Yugoslavian leader Slobodan Milosevic went to jail Sunday, after a tense weekend standoff at his home. Mr. Milosevic told authorities he'd rather die than give up his freedom. But try as he might, he couldn't find a white Ford Bronco to attempt a getaway....

Slobodan Milosevic pleaded NOT guilty Sunday to charges of government corruption, embezzlement and "abuse of power." That's technically true, of course. He abused Croatians, Kosovars, Bosnians - but NOT power.

Yugoslavian officials describe Slobodan Milosevic's jail cell as less than maximum security. For instance, he can receive donations of clothes and shoes. We assume Imelda Marcos can bring her lawyer as well, to offer advice.

It's not clear yet where Slobodan Milosevic will stand trial. Many countries want him tried at a War Crimes Tribunal in The Hague. Right now, they fear Yugoslavia's government will try him in "the vague."

Former Yugoslavian envoy Richard Holbrooke told CBS News Slobodan Milosevic is a gambler: "He started four wars, and he lost them all." It's hard to believe such a big loser is getting so much attention - well, other than the Chicago Cubs.

3 Apr 01: Secretary of State Colin Powell approved 50 million dollars in extra financial aid for Yugoslavia Monday. This may set a record, as the biggest reward for a single arrest in U.S. history.

Many skeptics believe Yugoslavia's government finally arrested former President Slobodan Milosevic because U.S. financial aid was in the balance. So? That government simply did what any good county sheriff's office does - find a way to make its budget.

Yugoslavian officials displayed a number of weapons Monday, which supposedly were in Slobodan Milosevic's house. It included several rifles and hand grenades. Defense attorneys are prepared to explain Mr. Milosevic was preparing for a new career, hosting U.S. gun and knife shows.

Slobodan Milosevic now spends his days in an eight-square-foot jail cell in Yugoslavia. The former President has to get permission even to have a book! How is he going to reread "Mein Kampf," and figure out where he went wrong?

13 Apr 01: Doctors in Yugoslavia announced Thursday Slobodan Milosevic has NO sign of heart disease. Of course, it took them several hours to determine the former leader even had a heart at all....

Slobodan Milosevic was taken to a Yugoslavian military hospital Wednesday, claiming he had chest pains. Serbian doctors determined his only health problem is high blood pressure. We know how that happened - all the high pressure he put on Croatians, Bosnians and Kosovo Albanians.

Yugoslavia's Socialist Party wants Slobodan Milosevic freed from prison for health reasons. The party argues he's "exposed to unbearable conditions" - such as people actually criticizing him to his face.

Today's language lesson: if you ever forget how to pronounce the name of the former Yugoslavian leader, remember -- "Slobodan Milosevic" sounds a lot like "Slow me down for lots of fish."

29 Jun 01: Slobodan Milosevic was flown to a Dutch prison Thursday night, after Yugoslavia finally turned him over to a United Nations war crimes' court. We hear he wouldn't allow this until his new jail cell received a thorough ethnic cleansing.

Yugoslavia's government had talked of putting Slobodan Milosevic on trial in that country first - with a U-N trial later. The trouble is, the former President would have to get in line behind all the soldiers accused of "crimes against humanity." Twenty years is a long time to wait for a trial....

(Today's deep question: Is it only coincidence that the initials in Slobodan Milosevic's name can be turned into "S-and-M?")

The handing over of Slobodan Milosevic made some people angry in Belgrade. A few began shoving and beating television news crews in the streets. Apparently Yugoslavia has its own version of that new show, "Spy TV...."

ABC News noted by moving from Yugoslavia to the Netherlands, Slobodan Milosevic is "trading up." He'll have a bigger jail cell - and the Dutch cell comes complete with satellite television! Mr. Milosevic will have plenty of time to watch The History Channel, and check how he did compared with Adolf Hitler.

(Can you believe that - a prison where inmates can watch satellite TV? It makes us long for a channel that shows nothing but "COPS" 24 hours a day.)

2 Jul 01: The U.S. government has pledged 181 million dollars in aid to Yugoslavia - now that the government has turned over Slobodan Milosevic for trial. Mr. Milosevic has to be humiliated by this. He's accused in the slaughter of thousands of people - but he's still not as valuable as Alex Rodriguez.

Yugoslavia's Prime Minister resigned, to protest the surrender of Slobodan Milosevic for a United Nations war crimes trial. The Prime Minister called the turnover "illegal" - which is a bit like converting to animal rights after leading years of fox hunts.

Slobodan Milosevic reportedly called his family from his new prison cell in the Netherlands - and claimed he'd been kidnapped. At least we know where HE is. With too many Kosovo Albanians, we don't....

4 Jul 01: Former Yugoslavian leader Slobodan Milosevic went before United Nations war crime judges Tuesday -- and refused to have any attorneys represent him. Hasn't this man ever heard of Johnnie Cochran?!

Slobodan Milosevic used his preliminary hearing to make political statements. He declared the U.N. War Crimes Tribunal "illegal," since the members were not appointed by the General Assembly. The Milosevic trial probably WOULD be more
interesting if his judges were from Rwanda or Cambodia....

When a U.N. War Crimes Judge offered to read the indictment against Slobodan Milosevic, the former President replied, "That's your problem!" Wow, Mr. Milosevic is young at heart - about the age of a rebellious, wisecracking 15-year-old.

(It turns out the war crimes indictment was posted in Slobodan Milosevic's jail cell in the Netherlands for the last several days -- but that satellite TV had to be a lot more interesting.)

Slobodan Milosevic contended the only crime he committed was "standing up to NATO" in Yugoslavia -- and NATO countries are the real war criminals. He brings up a good point. WAS any U.S. pilot ever punished, for dropping bombs on the Chinese embassy in Belgrade?

19 Sep 01: United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan toured "ground zero" in Manhattan - and declared that sort of terrorism "can happen anywhere." People across Europe heard this, and were thankful Slobodan Milosevic never bought an airline.

12 Feb 02: Former Yugoslavian President Slobodan Milosevic goes on trial for genocide today.... [Mr.] Milosevic plans to defend himself against genocide charges -- without using any attorneys. It's probably just as well. He's the sort of fellow who wouldn't laugh at Johnnie Cochran's poems, anyway.

We heard one estimate that this United Nations trial for Slobodan Milosevic could take two YEARS. No wonder he decided against hiring defense lawyers. This is one time when courtroom interpreters will get paid the most money.

Slobodan Milosevic has given lengthy speeches at earlier hearings in The Hague. He claims the United Nations tribunal lacks the authority to put him on trial. That's strange -- Mr. Milosevic never asked who had the authority to kill all those Bosnians.

Have you heard about Slobodan Milosevic's list of possible defense witnesses? He wants former President Clinton to testify at his trial! [True] We doubt this strategy will work, since the jury's not full of middle-aged low-income women.

(Do you think Slobodan Milosevic will call Bill Clinton to the witness stand simply to lecture him? Bob Barr, Trent Lott and Kenneth Starr would hurry across the Atlantic to see that....)

15 Feb 02: Former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic began his opening statement in his genocide trial. Among other things, he claimed NATO's bombing campaign a couple of years ago hit more schools and hospitals than tanks. Then again, Mr. Milosevic probably asked for it - by ordering officers to park the tanks in "fire lanes."

26 Jul 02: A medical expert told the war crimes trial of Slobodan Milosevic the former Serbian President has a severe risk of heart attacks. This shocked the courtroom in The Hague - since prosecutors have spent weeks trying to prove he was heartless.

22 Jul 02: Former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic was ordered to rest, after doctors at his war crimes trial found his blood pressure reading was "240 over 120." Boy, did we misunderstand this! We heard those numbers for Milosevic, and thought they were some sort of death count.

6 Sep 02: U.S. basketball hit another new low Thursday night. The team filled with N.B.A. stars lost for the second night in a row, and was eliminated from the world championships in Indianapolis.... Yugoslavia beat the U.S. basketball team 81-to-78 in the quarterfinal round.... Perhaps Yugoslavia had a special motivation to beat the U.S. team -- and posted pictures of Slobodan Milosevic in their lockers.

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5246 (- 85, 1.6%)

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.