4 FEB 05: BROWNIE TROOPING

Atlanta used to have Mrs. Fields cookie shops, with double chocolate brownies which were absolutely addictive. The closest thing Columbus has to that right now is at an unlikely place - the new public library. The Library Café has brownies, cookies and coffee cake so nice that I forget their main goal is to sell coffee.

I'm not the only person to discover the sweets at the Library Café. The other day a woman in front of me in line asked for cookies - every single one in the display case, and a few extra which needed to be baked. It was for a meeting of some sort inside the library. I assume it was a meeting where people were liable to fall asleep.

As if the Library Café didn't already have my attention, this week it's offered "specials of the day" on some of the sweet treats. One of Thursday's specials was 75-cent brownies. Considering the regular price is $1.99, this was almost like paying less than $10,000 for a new car - something I'm old enough to remember doing years ago.

Let the record show I'm available to the news media as a Brownie Expert. I mentioned the marvel of Mrs. Fields' specials in years gone by. But I can make them at home as well - although I admit I'm still not used to seeing Darrell Waltrip's picture on a Duncan Hines brownie box.

I've also been known to take home-baked brownies to church, for the snack table or evening dinners. Yet for some reason, they don't get eaten much. I've overheard some critics say I cut them too small - but isn't how that "feeding of the 5,000" happened?

(Before you ask - no, I do NOT lace my brownies with any illegal drugs. I consider it a foul-up when someone dares to mix in large chopped walnuts.)

The most recent brownie news in my life came in the last few weeks, when Little Debbie tinkered with the size of the 25-cent fudge brownies it offers at convenience stores. The width of the brownies was reduced by about one-third. Was this a subtle statement about my waistline?

(Maybe Little Debbie heard other critics about this. Some stores now sell fudge brownie two-packs for 50 cents - proving brownies are like Lay's potato chips, and you CANNOT eat only one.)

But I'm digressing: on Thursday, the 75-cent brownie special at the Library Café simply was too good to pass up. I chose a chewy-looking one on the bottom shelf of the display case - only to be told they were NOT on special. The middle-shelf brownies were, because of "size." At this café, that means large vs. extra large.

I offered a dollar bill to the attendant for my 75-cent brownie - and she gave me a coin which seemed large and not quite right. After looking it over I said, "Are you aware this is a silver dollar?" It had Susan B. Anthony's picture on it, from 1979 - which could become a collector's item, as Republicans kick her off for Ronald Reagan.

The attendant never realized she'd given me a silver dollar instead of a quarter. After all, the 50 "state quarters" in circulation mean all sorts of designs can wind up in your pocket. Let's be thankful the Massachusetts quarter came out before "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" premiered.

As I exchanged the silver dollar for the quarter, I couldn't help thinking about a special report on the news Thursday night. I had my own private "honesty test" at the library - and in the eyes of many people, I suppose I passed. But that test didn't tell you what to do if the vending machine gives you an extra quarter.

Now let's chew on other items from the Thursday headlines:

+ Columbus Police announced they seized $100,000 worth of marijuana. It was shipped from Texas by a delivery service - but to an incorrect address. These drug dealers need to learn to put business before pleasure....

+ First Baptist Church hosted a 12-hour prayer vigil for area soldiers and their families -- and as it ended, St. Luke School across the avenue held a big spaghetti dinner. How many members would get in trouble, by admitting they attended both of these?

+ WRBL's Restaurant Report Card revealed Pizza Pronto on Second Avenue was marked down for having a buildup of mold and mildew, in a "bucket used to make the dough." There are some places where I might not mind this - such as a restaurant offering "aged steaks."

(Did I read that right - they're making pizza dough in a bucket?! How I hope they disinfect the mop before they knead it....)

+ Instant Message to the man who told WXTX "News at Ten" he opposes a seatbelt law for pickup trucks because it would violate his constitutional rights: yes, the tenth amendment DOES say certain powers are reserved "to the people and to the states." But this is a Georgia proposal - and Georgia still IS a state.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Did "The Beat" beat the current champion?....

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