27 FEB 05: TAX-DERM-Y
Federal, state and local agents busted a tax preparation shop on Second Avenue this weekend. Among other things, they found tanning beds inside the business. So what's the big deal about that? After three busy months preparing tax forms, you want to look presentable at the beach for summer.
I first learned about this tax office on Second Avenue Friday, when a woman called to complain about it. She told me she received a "rapid refund" check, and it bounced. For all I knew, she may have tried to cash it too rapidly.
It turns out the Metro Narcotics Task Force had been watching Advance Fast Tax for weeks. Police say owner Clarence Martin Jr. sold drugs not only from his office, but from a "Days Inn on Macon Road." Maybe that's why that motel covered up its signs the other day... [True!]
Authorities say Friday night's raid on Advance Fast Tax led to the discovery of cocaine and methamphetamine, valued at $50,000. Clarence Martin Jr. will have to file this under Schedule A - a "miscellaneous deduction" for gambling losses.
(Talk about confusion! Tax offices are supposed to specialize in math, not meth....)
It's feared Advance Fast Tax pulled scams on hundreds of customers, who presumed their tax returns would be handled properly. For the moment, they're left only with a tongue-twister -- their "rapid refunds" were rubber and rubbish.
So why were tanning beds inside Advance Fast Tax? Police believe Clarence Martin Jr. also was running a prostitution ring - as if after dark, desperate men only look for women who use SPF-15 or higher.
It's hard to imagine a prostitution ring could exist at 36th Street and Second Avenue. For one thing, it's the heart of Bibb City - and hundreds of potential customers left the neighborhood when mills closed.
News such as this reminds us it's sometimes safest to prepare your own tax return. I've discovered a wonderful hidden deduction in the last couple of years - Form 8880, a credit for "Qualified Retirement Savings Contributions." If you don't have a lot of income, you could get your entire federal withholding money back. Make a lot, and you may not need to save for retirement....
E-MAIL UPDATE: We always have first-time visitors to this blog - but I wonder if that first visit sometimes puzzles some people. Consider this message we received the other day:
Hello;
This is the first BLOG i have ever seen. Provocative?
It is too early to tell if you are serious, seriously ill, on something, need to be on something, or have an unmentionable genetic mutation.
Obviously, I am very grateful that you have enough free time to provide such diversions, but I must ask:
Have you read "The Purpose Driven Life"...
But, then again, if you have a purpose driven life it escapes me in the BLOG, but like the psychedelic guitar, I am sure there are some ramifications, though they now escape me.
Don't worry you are not participating in "wasted efforts" ... you have a purpose, and i am going to keep reading until I figure it out!
Very Interesting! When i get it figured out i will let you know, unless the reasons fall into the "lessor factors" category, in which case I would start thinking about existential psychoanalysis for you. No, forget about it....you'd want sex on the couch! LOL.
Please tell me who you are so I can tell my daughters to avoid you and warn the neighbors that your rare, (praise GOD), intellect is on the loose! Are you local, loco, locked up or in a minimum security facility?
Thank You,
Deb Owens
PS I am sending a copy of this to Robbie Watson, it is her fault I found you.
If I am Deb's introduction to blogging, it's no wonder she's confused. This is one of the 10 or 12 blogs which hasn't tried to drive Eason Jordan or that Republican "Talon News" reporter out of their jobs.
Provocative -- ME?! I suppose some people think so. But if I ignore the comments of "IsOurCitySafe" completely, that writer still will conclude I don't care about public safety.
No, I have not read Rick Warren's best-selling religious book, "The Purpose-Driven Life." I'm too busy reading another book which reminds me of my purpose - and sometimes, it even shows me where I'm falling short of it. You may have heard of the Bible....
Deb is the first person to compare our blog to a "psychedelic guitar." And after thinking about it, she's almost right. The blog changes color -- but I don't play guitar on my CD.
As for "sex on the couch" -- uh-oh, now I'll have to avoid the furniture stores on Victory Drive, too....
Deb's concluding question gives me a great idea. Finally I can replace "my funny motto" atop the blog with an actual motto - "First. Almost live. Loco."
(Oh yes, I AM in a "minimum security facility." Police officers haven't visited my apartment complex in weeks.)
Only days after receiving this rather rough message, Deb sent a follow-up:
Oky Doky... I am now up, or down, to Feb 16 and Grandma Susie's Pampers supplies are running low...if she doesn't stop laughing I'll have to write a bad check.
Oky Doky, you are so good i sent a link to my daughters, but don't you dare contact them.
Very good. Very funny.
Your purpose is to make people laugh.
Thank You.
Deb Owens
Maybe I missed my REAL purpose in life. I should have been a teacher, to catch the "moment of discovery" such as this.
(Or did Robbie Watson write Deb back to explain what this blog is about - the way she sometimes has to explain the remarks of callers to "TalkLine?")
I'm glad Deb finally figured out we're trying to be humorous here. But Deb still won't let me contact her daughters?! Sigh -- once again, the single guy is left on his own....
I was prepared to stop today's e-mails there - but to my surprise Saturday night, I found Deb had written the blog a third time. This message was dated 12:48 a.m. Saturday:
OKAY,
It's midnight....spose i need to stay up later to get the blog?
If you would just do your job during the day it would be mush (sorry my spell ck doesn't this time of night) easier to meet your deadlines!
Deb Ownes (i have got to teach it my name!)
I appreciate Deb's enthusiasm. But it's so tempting to ask a question in response to this - has SHE read "The Purpose-Driven Life?"
While Deb stayed up late Friday night to read my next post, I was sound asleep in bed. Since I keep a seventh-day Sabbath, Friday night is an off night for the blog - and as I sometimes tell co-workers, at sunset I turn back into a pumpkin.
But Deb, I actually DO "my job" during the day - which is why I tend to write blog entries late at night. Sometimes they're even later than Jay Leno's monologue. But that's OK, because I avoid repeating his material.
One of the nice things about blogging is that there actually are NO deadlines. I can skip a day if I choose - or the computer chooses to skip a day, by refusing to work quite right....
OVERHEARD OVER HERE: In our small church congregation, members volunteer to clean the bathrooms in the hall. Saturday it was my turn - and as I stood outside the women's restroom, a woman came up to me.
"Are you in there?"
I quickly checked my body. "No, I'm right here."
"No, I meant are you working in there?"
"No, I can wait." I rested from cleaning a restroom, because I didn't know how restless that woman was.
So what else is happening this weekend? Plenty of things, actually....
+ A Neighborhood Watch meeting was called at Blanchard Elementary School. Fliers promoting the meeting explained "incidents" in the Windsor Park area jumped by more than 300 percent last year. And imagine what could happen if there actually WAS a Windsor Park....
+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported WSWS TV-66 is building a new tower near Cusseta, and soon will move its office from Opelika to Columbus. Well, it's about time! We single guys who don't have cable want a good close-up look at UPN's contestants for "America's Next Top Model."
(How do Lee County officials feel about losing their only TV station? They could arrange a swap with a Columbus station - and not many people here would miss TV-16.)
+ The RiverCenter canceled a scheduled performance for the first time. A comedy show with Harvey Korman and Tim Conway was called off because Korman needs back surgery. Couldn't Conway come by himself, and give "Dorf on Golf" lessons?
+ The college softball "Leadoff Classic" was played at South Commons. Once again, city property is being used for openly underhanded activity....
+ Instant Message to Georgia Championship Wrestling: It's nice to see you're now on TV for an hour every weekend. But do you really think those giant posters belong inside the Columbus Public Library?
BIG PREDICTION: Jamie Foxx will win the Best Actor Oscar for "Ray" tonight - if only so emcee Chris Rock won't go berserk complaining about it for the rest of the show.
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