21 FEB 05: KARA-CHOKE?

So how is YOUR President's Day weekend? We missed you at my congregation's chili supper and karaoke night on Saturday. Maybe if I had put FREE CHILI in capital letters at the top of the blog page, I would have seen more of you....

You missed me singing a song from my CD at a weekend worship service - but I'm sorry to report the karaoke night didn't quite turn out as planned. In fact, the turnout overall was below normal. I'm not sure if the members were afraid to sing, or if they were afraid to hear other people sing badly.

Two weeks ago when my Pastor offered a possible karaoke night, another single man in the congregation announced he had a home karaoke machine which he could bring. It's by practicing at home that you can win the fast $50 at those nightclub contests.

"Saying you can't sing is no excuse on this one," the Pastor told us with a smile as he decided to schedule the karaoke night. He figured it would be good fun. But maybe some older members decided it's simply another way Japan is preparing for a second Pearl Harbor.

When the Pastor asked who would be willing to sing at the karaoke night, of course I put up my hand. But come to think of it, I didn't see anybody else do it - not even the man bringing the machine. I suppose he planned to hide behind the CD player and wiring.

So here's a quick summary of what you missed on this special afternoon and evening, besides a song from my CD:

+ The Pastor put down an anti-herpes drug called Valtrex, suggesting science isn't urging people to avoid sexually transmitted diseases in the first place. This came during a sermon on our feelings - and I guess that included feeling other people, too.

+ The man with the karaoke machine brought a two-CD set of Tom Jones's greatest hits. I had to explain to the Pastor they were NOT my songs. Besides, I've been fighting a cold - and unbuttoning my shirt as I sang would reveal all the Mentholatum ointment covering my chest.

+ Our chili supper featured three crock pots full of chili, along with jumbo beef hot dogs. They were SO jumbo that I think two of the budget-priced hot dogs in my freezer would have fit inside one of them.

+ I decided to sit down for dinner next to a group of three teenage girls. Within ten minutes, they seemingly evaporated from the table and never returned. Really now - I was NOT planning to ask any of them out....

(So what am I doing wrong? As the people would say in TV commercials, I use a leading antiperspirant....)

+ Before evaporating, one of the teenagers described a dog she'd seen as being "cute as a biscuit." I'd never thought about biscuits being cute before - but I haven't seen a Montgomery Biscuits baseball game yet.

+ During dinner, I felt a need to explain to the teens something the Pastor said during his sermon. My pastor is a native of Ohio -- and when he talks about wild drivers acting "like they're at the Indianapolis 500," that's what people up north consider an important car race.

+ A "Bible Q&A" discussion followed dinner -- and as it ended, the Pastor recalled our church denomination splitting from another one ten years ago due to doctrinal changes. "They tried to take us to the cleaners," he complained. He apparently prefers Someone else do the sin-cleansing (ahem)....

+ When it finally came time for karaoke, the Pastor asked who was ready to sing - and I was the only one who put up a hand. The other people were willing to carry out or carry away, but not kara-oke.

The Pastor probably would have joined me in singing -- but for lack of interest, he decided to call it a night and postpone the music for another time. This makes two church occasions in three months where my planned music never happened. Do you think God is telling me to stick to blogging?

All in all, I must confess I'm disappointed in my church congregation for not taking an interest in karaoke. It was something I'd never done before -- and we could have been a springboard for bringing "Karaoke Kraziness" back to Columbus television.

Sometimes my congregation talks about godly bravery and fearlessness -- then at an event such as this, people back away from participating or don't show up at all. Maybe this explains why we don't have a church basketball team. We might face Goliath-sized centers....

BLOG UPDATE: Columbus NAACP President Bill Madison said Sunday night he's expecting 30,000 people for an April 30 civil rights march -- double the number who marched in January. Of course, if every store in town is closed for the four "days of abstinence" there won't be much else to do....

Bill Madison told WCGT's "Out of Order" his main concern right now in the Kenneth Walker case is for a new special prosecutor, with the "power of subpoena." Did the D.A. from Albany lack that last year? Or did his "e-invite" invitations to testify get blocked by Internet spam filters?

The new NAACP President used the appearance on TV-16 to introduce himself to Columbus in general -- by calling himself "Strictly Bill Madison." Perhaps his years in the U.S. Army (now retired) made him so strict. Or perhaps he gets annoyed by Southerners calling him "Billy" out of habit.

Bill Madison admits he's a high school dropout. In fact, he quit Catholic school in ninth grade - a place where in his words: "you learn or else." Of course, times have changed since he was in school. Nowadays the phrase can be, "learn or get an athletic scholarship."

Now let's take advantage of reduced holiday rates, and send some Instant Messages:

+ To the organizers of today's Black History Month breakfast: You did well to bring Sen. Barack Obama to Columbus to speak. But did you consider moving this to Phenix City -- to take advantage of that last name "O-Bama?"

+ To Carl Gregory Dodge in Auburn: I'm glad you want me to "save Presidents" at your President's Day sale. But last time I checked, the Benjamin Franklin you showed to illustrate this was NOT a President.

+ To WRCG Radio: OK, I give up. Why did you play a soulful Christmas song Sunday morning around 10:00? I think the last trees and lights finally have come down.

+ To friends and acquaintances of the late Tom Mann: Did you go fishing in his honor at Lake Eufaula, after the Saturday memorial service? And did anyone win an award for the biggest catch?

+ To Columbus State University's baseball team: Were you as surprised as I was over the weekend - when South Carolina-Aiken came to town, and didn't have pictures of Clay Aiken on their uniforms?

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Internet connection problems may reduce our blogging over the next few days....

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