25 FEB 05: ADAM HAD 'EM

The son of Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson pleaded guilty Thursday to marijuana and drunk driving charges. After he's served his time, Adam Johnson may follow his father and run for office - probably also as an independent, because I'm not sure even the Democrats would take him.

Adam Johnson pleaded guilty to charges stemming from a police stop last May on Victory Drive. Isn't it finally time to change the name of this street? Between nightclubs, prostitutes and traffic stops like this, many a man has gone down to defeat on Victory Drive.

Adam Johnson admitted guilt in court to possession of marijuana "with intent to distribute." We're left to wonder who might have received pot from the sheriff's son. Did Ralph Johnson send notes to all his deputies, saying it was time to have "that little talk?"

For pleading guilty to D-U-I, Adam Johnson's drivers' license will be suspended six months. He'll also have to do 40 hours of community service. If civil rights leaders get their way, Johnson will pick up a lot of trash along Oates Avenue - along with any leftover "Taylor for Sheriff" campaign signs.

Prosecutors say Adam Johnson will serve a complicated sentence, which includes three years of "intense probation." Does this mean his father will call two times a day, or three?

The phrase "intense probation" apparently includes a curfew for Adam Johnson, along with regular urine tests. This could give a whole new meaning to that classic song by The Police -- "Message in a Bottle."

(If you're wondering why it's not called "extreme probation" - that probably would involve using stun guns, and that's quite controversial right now.)

Adam Johnson will spend only 24 hours in jail for drunk driving, but he'll be in a boot camp 90 days for the marijuana charge. Reversing those sentences would mean too many face-to-face meetings with his dad, the Sheriff - and that might be cruel and unusual punishment.

Hopefully Adam Johnson will learn valuable lessons from all this, and stay away from illegal substances and drunk driving from now on. But Sheriff Ralph Johnson may be wondering in the back of his mind if his son will do something even more rash - like contributing to the "Friends of David Glisson Fund."

I'm a tired guy for some reason - so let's pick up the pace and close Thursday out:

+ The Exchange Club of Columbus named Jimmy Bloodworth and Caleb Elder the city's "firefighters of the year." Both men receive nice plaques - and when the Festival at South Commons returns, they SHOULD receive free foot-long hot dogs for life.

+ The Alabama House debated whether to designate American Sign Language as a "foreign language." Excuse me for asking this - but if it's American, how can it be "foreign?" Have THAT many immigrants moved to Alabama from Mexico?

+ Ground was broken in Macon County for a memorial honoring the World War II "Tuskegee Airmen." The Moton Field memorial will cost almost $30 million - which almost matches the reparations damages the pilots could have sought in a lawsuit.

+ The Alabama Legislative Black Caucus urged African-American athletes to boycott Auburn University, until two associate athletic directors are rehired. Or as they call this approach in Tuscaloosa - "old school."

+ Columbus State University held a campus dodgeball tournament, with six-person teams. This sounds like good, old-fashioned fun - and it was SO old-fashioned, Dodge trucks didn't sponsor it.

+ The Atlanta Hawks traded Antoine Walker back to the Boston Celtics, less than a year after trading FOR him. Remembering what happened after Rasheed Wallace's one-game appearance in Atlanta last season, Boston may win the N.B.A. title for the next 20 years.

(In exchange for Antoine Walker, the Hawks receive three players -- including veteran Tom Gugliotta. For those of you who don't know basketball, the Italian version of Google is NOT named after him.)

+ Instant Message to the older man who told me he wanted to talk with "meteorologist Cloudy Smith" - you WERE joking with that name, weren't you? Or did you hit the bottle a little early in the day?

(And by the way: the meteorologist whose name is closest to "Cloudy Smith" tells me no, you're wrong -- the "R" in Rome is NOT backward on his weather map. Dr. Gold at Direct Optical will be waiting for your call.)

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