15 FEB 05: WOULDN'T IT BE LOVE-RLY
Instant Message to all Democrats: It's safe to come out of hiding now. Valentine's Day is over - with all those reminders of Republican "red states."
Valentine's Day is a fascinating day for me, because of how many people suddenly change. Take Al Fleming, whose NBC-38 commentary Monday was a loving tribute to his wife. At last we've found the one topic Fleming doesn't dare grumble about on TV.
This Valentine's Day was special for one of the local "blog competition." Chuck at "Redneckin'" married his longtime girlfriend - an unnamed woman he abbreviates "GF." Maybe he'll keep that shorthand, and change her online name to "General Foods."
Something amazing has happened lately with local blogs. Since 2005 began, three bloggers (including Chuck) have become engaged. Two of them are engaged to each other, and just started a new blog on their wedding preparations! At some churches, reproduction before marriage like this would be denounced as scandalous sin.
So is this blog going to join this marrying trend? Not right away, I'm afraid. For starters, I don't have a "GF." In fact, most women over the years seem to have graded me simply an F....
You see, doctor (where IS that couch, anyway?), I made a promise to myself when I was a teenager -- I wouldn't date any young woman who drank, smoked or swore. I was so naive about this, I never realized I was eliminating 99 percent of all the women on Earth.
So unsuccessful was I that during my senior year of high school, I put an ad in the school newspaper seeking a date for the prom. The ad had our new home phone number, no name and a midnight deadline to call. But the only interested women turned out to be liars, when I checked what they said. Even then, I was interested in journalistic truth.
My first date didn't come until I was a college sophomore, when I took a high school senior to her "winter formal" dance. We never dated after that, and hardly even talked. It didn't seem right to have the only people older than me be faculty members.
There were a few scattered dates in college - but the woman I felt was the closest match for me surprised me, by revealing her engagement to somebody else. She was an advertising major, and she REALLY knew how to keep an ad campaign secret.
A couple of years during college, I tried to meet new women by sending surprise Valentine's Day cards to them. They didn't know me, but I had seen them on campus or in a yearbook and was interested in them. Today, I'd probably get arrested for violating federal spam laws.
(No, the scattershot approach did NOT work. Only a couple of lunches resulted from it. And imagine how upset some women were when I made "follow-up calls" a few days later, and found out they were engaged.)
After college, a potential romance with a Kansas City radio announcer fizzled out after I moved to another city. My only real romance occurred in Atlanta during the 1980's - "real" in that a woman actually said "I love you" without referring to my jokes or big spending.
That woman was ready to rush to the altar - but after thinking things over, I decided I was NOT really that interested in her. I didn't think I was ready for marriage then. But looking back, I didn't see something important. If the "fish in the sea" won't date you in college, they're more likely to be chicken after that.
For more than 20 years, I've mostly played by the dating rules of the church denominations I attended. This meant only dating someone "in the church" - and when those churches claim they're right and everybody else is wrong, you start feeling a bit like an official in North Korea's government.
(When I did NOT play by the rules and dared to date "outside the church," it also didn't work. From a current talk show host in Miami to a TV reporter in San Francisco, they liked me only as a friend. Remember: female friends don't let male friends buy engagement rings.)
What do the church rules mean in Columbus? In the congregation I attend, it means no dates at all - as there are no available single women in my age range. I wait each weekend for God to send the "right woman" in the door. But when they show up, they're always brought in by fellow Auburn University students.
Regular blog readers will recall I dared to attend a different Columbus church's effort to start a singles group last year [3 May 04]. But that group hasn't met since that Sunday night - I assume. It's either that, or the organizers decided I ate too much food from the snack table....
A blog reader actually sent me e-mail last fall, offering to connect me with a single woman. But of course, there were problems. The message came while I was vacationing in Kentucky, I became busy with projects after returning home - and for all I know, that woman might have married an AFLAC executive by now.
So after all this, you may be asking what I did for Valentine's Day. Thankfully, the church denomination I attend preaches against the day -- calling it "pagan" and wrong for Christians. So I sought love elsewhere Monday - the love of money, as I started on my income tax return.
By the way, I guess no one took WXTX "News at Ten" up on its offer to show a live marriage proposal during Monday night's newscast. The offer never was mentioned - which ought to end any rumors about Roszell Gadson and Deborah Singer playing "footsie" under the anchor desk.
E-MAIL UPDATE: A variety of things are on your collective minds today - starting with that nice-looking new building along Macon Road:
Well, I finally visited our sorely needed $50,000,000( is that really SEVEN ZEROES?) public library to look for a book on fiscal responsibility. Wouldn't you know it, they didn't have one. Anyway, while there, I notice in their self promotional material, a section on endowing the library operating fund with <<<<<
William
Now now, William - quiet down! You're supposed to talk in hushed tones, even ABOUT a library....
Are you kidding me - you can't find a book on fiscal responsibility at the new library? I figured Bill Clinton mentioned his budget surpluses in "My Life" somewhere.
William's obviously concerned with the "corporate sponsorships" inside the new library. But should we really be surprised by this in 2005? Miles of highway have been sponsored for years - or do you think groups spend money merely to pick up the trash there?
And what about the bricks with names and businesses on them, near Golden Park and outside the Phenix City Amphitheater? Well, I guess those are different - because you can walk all over a business's name, if you wish....
I suppose you can "live in infamy" and sponsor a library room for millions of dollars. But look at it another way. You could write a book on fiscal responsibility, get it published - and it'll have a place in the library at a much lower cost.
And why all the exclamation points for the "W.C. Bradley Reading Room?" Back near13th Street, that name was on the library building. So maybe downsizing was underway, even before the Char-Broil announcement.
(Don't tell William, but God IS in that new public building. Under the Dewey Decimal System, the 200's are the religious books.)
Come to think of it, we could expand the sponsorships at the Columbus Public Library. How about a nice fountain outside the building - sponsored by Callaway Blue water?
But not all the e-mails are in negative tones:
YOU are too cool !!! I look forward to reading your blogs. I stumbled across your page about a year ago ... I admire your willingness to share your personal feelings and opinions... Thank you!!! Keep it coming...
-Dave Arwood
: )
You're welcome, Dave - and I can't remember the last time someone described me as "too cool." Lately, people have been more likely to consider me hot under the collar.
BLOG-BLAH-BLAH: The e-mail also brings more suggestions for naming the successor to the Boom Boom Room -- as the owner seeks to open a new club near South Lumpkin Road:
Doom and Gloom
Womb to Tomb
Consume and Fume
Exploding Plume
Bob Robert Poydashef is the mayor I assume
And with names like these, big trouble could loom....
Some South Columbus residents aren't pleased about the plans by the Boom Boom Room owner. They met over the weekend to start a petition drive, so a new club doesn't come to their neighborhood. After all, Columbus Park Crossing can't possibly be out of space yet.
Now other fast facts from Monday:
+ Several Auburn University faculty members called a news conference, to claim two African-American associate athletic directors had their jobs eliminated based on race. A.U. responded by revealing it has students from more than 100 countries -- but the students' grades never were announced.
(The African-American faculty members ought to talk to Auburn's Olympic medal-winning swimmer from Zimbabwe. If Kirsty Coventry's parents owned a farm there, they might have fled to Auburn by now.)
+ The "Getting on Top of Life" broadcast on WHAL found Pastor and School Board member Joseph Roberson urging his congregation to tell each other, "I'm pregnant!" So much for him speaking at the Teenage Parenting Center.
+ WFRC-FM was off the air for a 17th consecutive day. The "Family Radio" Christian station still hasn't come broadcast since the ice storm. If all the Baptist pastors who preach about "the rapture" are still here, and this station isn't -- uh-oh....
+ The Alabama Republican Party named its new state chair - Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. OK, she's female and that's historic. But a state political leader named TWINKLE?! She'll probably have to talk about the song "Stars Fell on Alabama" a lot....
+ LaGrange Police arrested a man on charges of selling alcohol from his home. Officers say they became suspicious when several people left the man's house carrying brown bags. Plastic grocery bags have blown a lot of people's covers.
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $2.49 a gallon at Spectrum stores.... gas for $1.69 a gallon at several Victory Drive locations.... and free crushed flower petals at Anne's Porch, after that weekend fire....
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