Thursday, February 17, 2005

17 FEB 05: MOTEL NIXED



It's one thing when a retail store holds a "quitting business" sale. But when a motel has one, it raises questions. For instance: are the "one-night stays" cut in half, so checkout time is 4:00 a.m.?



Yet a "going out of business" sale is on right now at the Sunset Motel on Victory Drive. You have until March 3 to buy everything from beds to pillows, along with other motel furniture. And for a change, you probably don't have to feel guilty about not leaving a tip for a maid.



Before you get wrong ideas -- no, the Sunset Motel NEVER was put on Fort Benning's "hit list." The Candlelight Motel and Cellars Lounge next door have been there. But you know what they say in the military about "collateral damage...."



"We're clean," Mrs. Patel told me when I stopped by the Sunset Motel Wednesday. She and her husband co-manage the motel, and clearly are natives of India. Their rooms probably were so clean that you could watch "Bollywood" movies via satellite.



The Patels aren't exactly sure when the Sunset Motel opened, but they say it was before 1960. It was so long ago that a sign high above the office brags about having "color TV." These days, motels are more likely to brag about having multicolored iMac computers.



The Patels say the closing of the Sunset Motel is NOT really due to Fort Benning soldiers heading off to Iraq. They say G.I.'s stopped staying at that motel a long time ago. And I never heard about SOA Watch offering any discounts there....



Mr. Patel says the Sunset Motel simply fell victim to a weak overall economy. "It's all in a circle," he told me - helping me finally understand why cities such as Dothan and Montgomery have main highways with that shape.



A Moon Family Properties agent told your blog Wednesday once the Sunset Motel changes hands, it will be leveled for a new Sonic drive-in. The carhops will have a distinct advantage over other women on Victory Drive - they can roller-skate away when someone tries to proposition them.



Mr. Patel says the change from a "Sunset" to a "Sonic" reflects a new face coming to Victory Drive. He speculated development in North Columbus is becoming full, so now developers are looking to the south side. I'm not so sure about that theory - because Veterans Parkway still has a few old trees standing, north of Weems Road.



The Patels are in their seventies, and plan to retire after the Sunset Motel's final sale ends. Mr. Patel has trouble walking around - and the Veterans Cab Company is too far on the other side of the Lumpkin Roads to show him any sympathy.



If you're planning to visit Columbus or Fort Benning, don't worry - several "budget" motels still will be available for you after the sun sets on the Sunset. Simply stop by the I-185 security checkpoint first, to see which places are banned this month.



As I ended my visit to the Sunset Motel and waited to turn back onto Victory Drive, a man down the sidewalk waved at me. I waved back, and then the man started walking toward me. Honestly now - my humble Honda isn't even painted like a taxicab.



"What do you need?" I asked the man a couple of times -- but he'd tell me only after getting near the driver's side window.


"Oh," said the man who had been standing in front of Cellars Lounge. " I thought I could fix you up."


"Fix me up?!"


"Yeah, with a girl." And then you wonder why the Sunset Motel stopped having customers.



"No," I quickly explained. "You waved at me. I waved back at you. We're a friendly town here in Columbus, aren't we?!" Silly me. In this part of town, friendship usually doesn't have much to do with it -- much less love.



The man laughed a little at my explanation. "I like you. You're a good comedy guy." He walked away before I could tell him about this blog. Then again, I suspect there are other web sites he finds much more interesting - starting with Playboy.



OVERHEARD OVER HERE: Last week in the New York Times, my friend Lisa Napoli wrote about new web sites posting funny and strange "overheard" quotes. Before those webmasters head this way, we start this new occasional feature to stop them. We take you today to a Walgreens store, where a woman has two giant Valentine's stuffed dogs at the checkout:


"I thought those were 75 percent off."


"Well, they WERE 15 dollars...." The clerk shows the customer a sales tag.


"Yeah, I guess so."


"So do you want only one of them?"


"No, I think they're only right when you have twins."



(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Have you overheard something unusual around Columbus? E-mail us, and we'll share it here.)



Now for other scattered showers of information from Wednesday:



+ Students at Talbotton Central High School staged a walkout, protesting the ndefinite suspension of Principal Emma Huff. Several students accused faculty members of slapping and verbally harassing them. Sad to say, that may be good news -- because teachers aren't trying to get them in bed.



(To borrow a classic line from Groucho Marx: they left for a day, they left over a Huff -- and if they do it again, it'll be a day-and-a-Huff.)



+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue signed a tort reform bill, putting limits on damage awards in medical malpractice suits. A group of lawyers promises to challenge this in court - proving old lawsuit habits truly die hard.



+ The Georgia Senate passed a bill creating a state board of massage therapy. Yet somehow, I don't think the Metro Squad is going to let massage parlors reopen in Columbus.



+ WRBL's Dan Edward showed tape of the seven laps he drove around Atlanta Motor Speedway in a stock car. His top speed was 140 miles per hour - which might almost match some of the drivers on U.S. 431 in Russell County.



+ The National Hockey League canceled its entire season, due to a labor dispute. That's good news for the Columbus Cottonmouths, which has seen its attendance jump ten percent this season. Or is it because you can only hear Snakes games on a weak Troup County radio station?



(I'm still wondering why the N.H.L. team owners and players didn't settle this dispute in the classic hockey way - with a bench-clearing brawl.)



+ Instant Message to Georgia basketball coach Dennis Felton: I don't get it. Did you schedule Wednesday night's non-conference game against Clemson -- in Greenville? During African-American History Month?? With that NAACP boycott against South Carolina still on??? Did you want to play Bob Jones University instead?



To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.



If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.



© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.