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29 JUN 04: GUNS 'N' MOSES


So, you may be asking, how was that church picnic I mentioned the other day? I'd sum it up in one word: memorable. Any picnic that includes people firing handguns certainly is memorable -- especially when they're not starting a sack race.


The church I attend once again held its annual picnic at the spacious home of an elder in rural Chambers County. It's so nice that he has a pool - but he's humble enough that it's not heated.


Scattered showers posed problems with our church picnic this year. Rain fell as chicken was grilling around 11:00 a.m. CT, then it poured just after everyone loaded their plates for lunch. So it was a Biblical day - we had the "early and the latter rain."


(A friend of mine noted it couldn't possibly rain a third time. "Rain fell on the just and the unjust," he said, "so who's left?")


After the second downpour, the clouds cleared enough for me to put on swim trunks and step into the pool. It was my first water adventure of this kind since -- well, since the water heater broke in the apartment last September.


But the clouds also cleared enough that one church member got out a pistol and started aiming at a pie-plate target across the host's yard. He had a National Rifle Association on the back of his pickup truck - and of course, he HAD to play country music and put down the tailgate. Keeping up appearances, you know....


You need to understand the church I attend is very pro-hunting and very pro-guns. In fact, my Pastor seems to talk about the second amendment to the Constitution more than the first one - which mentions freedom of religion.


"He brought his pistol and 100 rounds," the shooter's wife told us. And this man was ready to fire them all at the picnic. By comparison, I never touched the apple pie I brought for the dessert table....


This gunman - oops, gun enthusiast - actually was willing to share his abundance. He let other church members fire shots at the pie-plate target, including a woman who's preparing to undergo kidney dialysis. May those doctors in Birmingham handle that woman VERY carefully.


(Not everyone had perfect aim with this pistol. The stacks of firewood behind the target certainly are dead now....)


A couple of folks had earplugs ready for the target practice - but my Pastor sitting on a porch about 50 yards away did not. He covered his ears, obviously unprepared for this. "I'm glad we're out in the country where you can fire weapons, but a lot of people are going to go home with headaches tonight."


(By the way, I did NOT cover my ears during the gunfire - even though I stood only a few yards behind the gun enthusiast at one point. Since I listened to rock music during the 1970's, I had some built-up immunity.)


The uniqueness of this noisy moment was obvious to me. As I pointed out to a group on the porch: "Well, this sure is different from playing horseshoes at a church picnic."


Minutes later another church member brought out his bow rifle, for shooting deer archery-style. This was much quieter, a good bit safer - and everyone was much less likely to cough up their dinner in fright.


What's that you're saying - you've never had anyone bring a gun to your church picnic, much less fire one? Well, what are you going to do next time someone forgets to bring a bottle or can opener?


(No, I'm not used to people bringing guns to church picnics, either. But at least we knew the chicken would stay inside the grill.)


An amazing P.S. to this story occurred Monday evening at the Benning Park racquetball courts. A little boy came up to me, obviously seeing a racquetball and racquet for the first time. I let him knock the ball around for a few minutes - and as he chased down a ball which flew over the fence, he asked a strange question.

"Do you own a gun?" No, I don't. "I like to play with guns."

"You should have been at my church picnic yesterday."

"You had a gun there?!" Yes - and I shared a little of this story.

"I wish I had been there!"

"Why?" The little boy explained as he threw the ball back to me and ran away:

"I'd want to shoot the b**ch."


Come to think of it, we never pulled out a Bible at that church picnic....


BLOG UPDATE: Former Mayor Bobby Peters gained the Fraternal Order of Police endorsement Monday, in the race for Superior Court Judge. We now predict the F.O.P. will sue the city of Columbus for a pay hike within 48 hours of the July 20 election.


(OK, so who will receive the F.O.P. endorsement for Muscogee County Sheriff? Considering no officer ever arrested David Glisson, I think I can guess that one....)


F.O.P. leader Randy Robertson says his group is backing Bobby Peters based on his years with the Columbus police force, including time spent as a detective. Maybe Peters has passed on those detective skills to others - based on the rumors floating around about opponent Roxann Daniel.


At first the incumbent judge said she had no comment on Monday's endorsement. Then Roxann Daniel changed her mind, and said the F.O.P. does NOT speak for all local law enforcement. Hmmmm - which law officers do NOT want a raise?


Judge Roxann Daniel maintains she has the support of police in Columbus - and that appears to be true. At least, no officers have attempted a coup so far....


Have you seen Judge Roxann Daniel's latest TV commercial? It says you have a clear choice July 20 - and one option is "a politician, who will do things because they're popular." So?! It sounds to me like some conservatives WANT that kind of judge in this part of the country - pro-Ten Commandments, for instance.


(This could make the race for Judge almost an economic question. I can see the ads now: "Vote for Roxann Daniel - put ten poll-takers out of work.")


So I'm not supposed to vote a politician into the Superior Court Judge's seat?! Then why did Roxann Daniel's last campaign ad have a couple of well-known local politicians endorsing her?


There's one big question left unanswered by the new Roxann Daniel commercial. Where did she get that fancy gavel they show on TV, with her name engraved in the middle of it? Does "Names and Frames" do that sort of thing -- and with her dollars, or tax money?


E-MAIL UPDATE: This race for Judge remains the hottest topic in our In-Box - well, this side of cut-rate college diplomas:


Mr. Burkard:

Before we get sidelined with speculation about other people's marriages, let's get back to the real criteria for choosing a candidate.


I want Bobby Peters to be our next Superior Court Judge because he has spent most of his adult life demonstrating his dedication to the citizens of Columbus. Bobby Peters has given up a lucrative
private law career and probably a significant amount of his personal time to address the wants and needs of our citizens. He has made tough choices, he has negotiated compromises, and he has stood up to political pressures to do what he felt was better for all instead of the privileged few.


Have you ever seen this man try to eat in a local restaurant? Bobby Peters knows all of Columbus on a first name basis, from the highest levels of government down to the guy who buses his table. He treats all with equal regard. I am tired of listening to politicians talk about what they will do. This man delivers the goods and has exhibited the wisdom and humanity that earn him the title "Your Honor".


Patty Chappel


Thank you, Patty, for helping us focus back on what really matters in this race for Superior Court Judge -- how many people you can name at a restaurant.


Anyone who's served in public office as long as Bobby Peters certainly has "negotiated compromises." So what will be his minimum plea bargain for a murder suspect?


Our updated score now is free Peters plugs 3, free Daniel plugs 0 -- so let's try to make this fair. Until Roxann Daniel backers send me three e-mails of support, Bobby Peters backers must make a donation to the blog to have their messages posted. I accept PayPal -- and if TV and radio stations can get rich off paid political advertising, so can I.


Now some other items which crossed our path on Monday:

+ U.S. Senate candidate Johnny Isakson visited Country's Barbecue at Main Street Village, during his "Cut the Pork Tour." If he recommends eating barbecue beef in this part of the country, he risks losing a lot of votes.


(Johnny Isakson explained he missed Sunday's debate in Columbus because of a church commitment in Roswell. He noted the Republicans have 16 debates scheduled before the primary - so it's no wonder Mac Collins seemed to have answers written on cards the other night.)


+ The Muscogee County School Board approved a $221 million budget. OK, I'll root now for a school board member to hit the Mega Millions jackpot tonight - so THAT budget can double, and Reading Recovery can be funded for another ten years.


+ Former Columbus TV reporter Kimberley Kennedy told ABC News about how her husband-to-be dumped her at their wedding rehearsal in Atlanta. She says she saw Lewis Dickey for the first time in years recently at a restaurant, and she felt nothing. After all these years, Kennedy and Dickey finally have similar hearts.


(Kennedy's sister Kathleen is a friend from my CNN years -- but I'd never heard her side of the wedding rehearsal disaster. Kathleen revealed she was angry, and "said some things I probably shouldn't have." There are times when TV news anchors should stick to scripts.)


+ Former Columbus Cottonmouths coach Bruce Garber was a guest on D.J. Jones's WRCG sports talk show. From what I saw on WCGT, Garber could claim to be Mike Vee and many viewers might not notice the difference.


(So what's Bruce Garber doing these days? He's selling sports collectibles, such as a University of Georgia desk lamp. Given Garber's temper, we assume the lamps are unbreakable when thrown across a room.)


COMING WEDNESDAY: The Alabama primary runoff - assuming anyone shows up to vote....

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