^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
25 JUN 04: LIFE IN THE "HOOD"
Once again WRBL's 6:00 p.m. news had a major exclusive "top story" Thursday night - an apartment building people say is trashy and filled with insects. Just wait until the "Problem Solvers" get calls from every housing project in Columbus and Phenix City.
(Do you think the Problem Solvers get calls from children on school nights - asking for help with their algebra homework?)
The Problem Solvers checked a building on Hood Street, because a mother claimed she had to take her child to the emergency room on a Saturday due to insect bites. It's a good thing I'm not the Problem Solver - because I might have given that mom a bottle of Bactine and a can of bug spray.
Neighbors complained the apartment building on Hood Street doesn't have its trash dumpster emptied for weeks at a time -- and a couch sat outside unremoved for months. So why didn't someone take the public service approach -- and move that couch to a METRA bus stop?
The Problem Solvers finally tracked down the landlord of the Hood Street apartment building - and amazingly, the dumpster was cleared and the couch removed in only two hours. Was the landlord afraid of being embarrassed on TV? Or was it that big "Sandman" sign on the dumpster, which happens to be a WRBL advertiser?
As for the insects in the apartment building: the landlord promised to have an exterminator come out more often. Hey, maybe then I should call the Problem Solvers! All my landlord did about insects was give me a little bag of white powder a few years ago.
Presuming that little bag of white powder was insecticide, I spread it over cracks in my kitchen shelves - and the cockroaches walked right over and around it, going about their business. Maybe I should leave some on my dirty dishes instead....
I've dealt with enough cockroaches to know they're rather smart creatures. They instinctively know how to land on their feet and run for a hiding place, even when they drop several feet. You may compare them with the scandal-plagued politician of your choice.
So how do you kill a swarm of cockroaches? The best approach I've had is drowning them. Roach antennae make it next to impossible for them to climb out of bowls of water - and they struggle and struggle until they conk out and die. That mother could have staged an in-home nature study for her child....
There's one suggestion WRBL did NOT offer for resolving problems with messy apartments and homes - one another TV station was mentioning at the very same time. You can call the Columbus Environmental Court to report somebody. But if the Environmental Court judge doesn't wear a green robe, can this really be effective?
E-MAIL UPDATE: It's two-for-one day in the InBox. The first message almost makes me want to blush:
Mr. Burkard:
Thank you for your blog. You are a much better news source than the L-E and your grammar and punctuation are superior to theirs also.
In answer to the call for scrutiny into the two SCJ candidates, please check out www.bobbypeters.com . He is an extraordinary public servant who will do more to help the Columbus criminal justice process. I have worked in the Columbus legal community and in government there and know that both candidates are excellent. However, Mr. Peters will bring more to the bench and will also restore the confidence of some segments of the community who feel their voices are not being heard.
Sarah Clymer
Before I respond, please take note of the score: Bobby Peters e-mail plugs 1, Roxann Daniel plugs 0.
Thank you for the kind words, Sarah. But c'mon now - I'M a better news source than the Ledger-Enquirer?! Why, I haven't posted a five-day weather forecast here in months.
Part of the credit for nice grammar on this blog should go to the "Grammatik" tool provided with WordPerfect systems. But this software comes from Canada - so if you ever see color spelled with a "u," that's why.
Oh yes, the Superior Court Judge race: I actually reported on the Bobby Peters web site here eight months ago [26 Oct 03]. At the time, I noted the most interesting thing to me was NOT the candidate's qualifications or record - it was the picture of his two good-looking daughters.
I checked the Bobby Peters web site again at post time -- and a few lines have been added promoting his campaign for judge. My only question is: if "Bobby has always been fair.... compassionate and honest" as it says, why doesn't his campaign treasurer take him back and remarry him?
(We also found this line on the web site: "BOBBY KNOW THE LAW AND HE KNOWS OUR JUDICIAL CIRCUIT." He obviously wants to represent the ebonics speakers.)
So which segments of our community are not being heard in the court system? Hmmmm -- maybe they're the lawyers who have pro-Peters signs outside their offices.
While that e-mail may start an online blitz, our second message fuels one already in progress. Justin Cazana responds again to a Robbie Watson comment, which we posted Thursday:
Typical Robbie avoiding my questions with smart*ss responses. Where were you the morning the 507th left? Certainly a newsgathering operation like Archway's would be there? Surely that is one of your beats? Getting a little to cozy with the wire there aren't we? I remember the beat you had a WTVM because I was the one that had to cover it 95% of the time.
I feel a disclaimer is in order at this point - both these e-mail writers actually ARE adults. In fact, they're both parents.
Thankfully there's a new place in Columbus to settle feuds like this. The "Georgia Championship Wrestling Sports Arena" is open on Burnham Boulevard, near Cooper Creek Park. If they can agree on a night, I'll bring my camera.
SPAM-A-RAMA: The spam message I received this week was nothing memorable, but the title of it was: "PORK CHOP 57 CREAM PUFFS." Or as some pro football linemen would call it - lunch.
Now for some lower-calorie offerings from Thursday's news:
+ The Census Bureau reported Auburn is one of the ten fastest-growing cities in Alabama. Take that, you critics! Auburn University interim President Ed Richardson isn't firing people fast enough.
+ The same Ed Richardson officially announced Auburn University's Police Department will be merged into the Auburn City Police next week, to save money. Business majors will take advantage of this - by getting tickets on campus in the next few days, then selling them on eBay as collectors' items.
(Some A.U. officers reportedly are upset about this merger, especially the fact that it's occurring so suddenly. Their thinking right now may match one of my Pastor's favorite lines - "If the devil can't kill it, he'll try to corrupt it.")
+ The Mega Millions jackpot tonight is $177 million. It may sound strange, but I hope a Columbus Councilor wins all that money - so the city budget can double, and police officers finally can have that pay raise.
+ Dwight Howard of Southwest Atlanta Christian Academy was the first pick in the National Basketball Association draft. We hope this Christian athlete starts a rivalry right away - and challenges the authority of LeBron "King James."
(Dwight Howard is SO Christian, he's been quoted as saying he dreams of adding a cross to the N.B.A. logo. Sad to say, too many players only dream of seeing a date's cross-my-heart bra.)
+ The Atlanta Hawks' top choice in that same N.B.A. draft was Josh Childress of Stanford. The Hawks have selected future stars from Stanford before - and we all know how famous Adam Keefe became, don't we?
(The Hawks used one of their second-round picks to select Texas star Royal Ivey. He has a great future in Atlanta - even if it's only doing commercials for Pike Nurseries.)
To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.
If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.
© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.