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9 JAN 04: BIG MO
As I was reading at home Thursday morning, the phone rang. The conversation went something like this:
"I'm calling with The Phone Company, Momentum...."
"Is that the same as MCI?"
"No, we're not MCI...."
"Because their telemarketers say MCI is The Phone Company. Did they change their name to Momentum?"
"No, we're a separate phone company."
"So you're not THE Phone Company."
(What? You're saying I call this "The Blog of Columbus" when there's more than one blog in town? Don't confuse me with the facts here....)
"No, sir. We're not MCI and we're not Southern Bell. We're a phone company called Momentum, and we're calling because we're going to lower your phone bill to $42.95 a month."
I keep my phone bills near my phone all the time now, since telemarketers call so often. "Well, wait a minute. You're not going to lower my phone bill, because it's currently $30.47."
"But you see, you're only looking at your local phone bill." Indeed, she was right. It was only the BellSouth bill. Maybe she spends the second half of her shift on a psychic hotline.
"We're including your local, long distance and...."
"OK. My latest long distance bill is $1.25. So $30.47 and $1.25 equals $31.72, which means you're still going to increase my phone bill by about 10 dollars a month."
"But we're going to give you unlimited long distance service, unlimited local calls...."
"Well, I have unlimited long distance now at 4.9 cents a minute."
"But you're paying 4.9 cents a minute. That's not unlimited. We're offering ZERO cents a minute, so that's unlimited. You don't have to worry about how much you use your long distance service each month."
"But I'm only spending $1.25 a month now, so I'm not worrying about it. And you're still increasing my phone bill by 10 dollars a month."
"But you see, sir, we're giving you ten free features every month at no extra charge."
"What extra features?" The caller rattled off a quick list, ranging from caller ID and "call return" to "call block" - which her company probably already has, if I use call return on her.
"I don't need any of those features."
"But we're offering them to you at no extra charge...."
"So you're charging me 10 dollars more a month, to give me extra features I'm never going to use."
"Whether you want to use them or not, sir, that's up to you."
"But if I don't want them, why should I have to pay extra for them?"
"Well, you can do without them in our $26 budget plan...." which she never mentioned again during the call.
At this point, the telemarketer seemed to begin to figure out what my answer to this offer would be. "All I can do, sir, is give you a choice."
"So you're not going to change my plan, then? You said when the conversation started you're GOING to lower my phone bill." I call this "polite slamming" - where a phone company tells you in advance they're changing your service without your consent.
"No, sir. This is a choice. I was simply speaking in positive terms, as opposed to negative talk...." So if you ask for my permission to do something, it's negative?! I remember when this was approach was called courtesy.
After I turned down Momentum's offer, the telemarketer wished me a nice day. I can't help wondering if she felt like the show "Crank Yankers" had worked in reverse.
But of course, Thursday was filled with more than a simple phone call....
+ Muscogee County Judge Kenneth Followill refused to order the release of tapes and reports on the Kenneth Waker shooting. He noted the case still is under state and federal investigation. The way some civil rights leaders talk, they would have sentenced the unnamed deputy to a life term by now.
(The big eyebrow-raiser at the hearing was District Attorney Gray Conger's description of the case as a CRIMINAL investigation. So maybe drugs WERE found at the scene on I-185 - only in the deputy's car.)
+ State Representative Calvin Smyre of Columbus resigned as Chair of the Georgia Democratic Party. If he couldn't keep this year's state Republican convention out of the Civic Center, how much power does he really have?
+ Troy State Public Radio's "Community Focus" program looked at Korea -- since in host Carolyn Hutchinson's words, "It's such a big part of Alabama now." It is?!?! When did the North Korean navy sneak into Mobile Bay?
+ Al Fleming by his own admission "gloated" in his NBC-38 commentary, announcing the Oprah Winfrey show "blitzed the competition" in the 5:00 p.m. ratings among women aged 25-to-54. As a middle-aged single man, I hereby appeal to all sports bars -- start showing Oprah on your big screen TV's.
(We'll see how WRBL responds to the "Oprah blitz" - perhaps by giving away "Jessica Clark's favorite things" or something.)
+ Raffle tickets went on sale for this year's "Saint Jude Children's Dream Home." You could win a new house valued at $260,000! Hopefully it's near a convenience store -- so you can buy lottery tickets, trying to pay the taxes on that prize.
+ Instant message to the Atlanta Falcons: You mean Joe Gibbs is a minority owner of the team - yet you let him get away to coach Washington, when YOU still had a coaching vacancy? Michael Vick doesn't get blindsided that badly.
+ High school basketball teams competed in the "Lee County Holiday Tournament" in Beauregard. Let's see: it's one week after New Year's, more than a week before M.L.K. Day -- oh, I get it! Thursday was Elvis Presley's birthday!
(Somebody's gotta ask this: whose idea was it to put the word "defense" on the -- ahem -- derrieres of the Loachapoka women's uniforms? Is this a subtle advertisement for Depends?)
+ I finally opened a holiday gift from Shelby Guest of the Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau. It's a plastic bag containing chocolate-covered raisins and mini-marshmallows - and it came with this message:
Santa looked at his list
Even checked it twice
And he found out that
You haven't been very nice!
Since coal is so expensive,
Here is the scoop....
All you get for Christmas is
Reindeer and Snowman Poop!
I'm thankful to report the contents of the bag didn't smell bad at all.
("Coal is so expensive?" That's the way to boost Buck Ice and Coal's business....)
E-MAIL UPDATE: Thursday's posting about our troubles in finding lunch brought a response from a "Christian artist:"
I knew something had to be up with the Playwright Café when I noticed it was never opened! Anyway, right down the road is Fountain City Coffee. They have a scrabble night every Monday starting at 7 pm. Maybe they decided to pick up where the Playwright left off. What happened to that big building they were building next door? Are they still going to open that or did they go bankrupt building it?
Oh and by the way…my name is Sandy (guy not girl).... I enjoy your blog! Keep up the good work!
Sandy, I don't know anything about that downtown building - but I'm concerned about the new home of Scrabble night. It takes only one coffee spill to ruin a set of tiles.
TODAY'S PUZZLE: Q: What two places in Columbus offer "six baskets for $2.99?"
A: Captain D's - and a Riverdragons home game!
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