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19 JAN 04: QUEEN FOR A DAY

We had a doubleheader at church over the weekend: a worship service in the afternoon, then a wedding after dark. Before my relatives have a heart attack -- I only spoke during the worship service.

A widow in my congregation is widowed no more, as she married a man from Tennessee Saturday evening. I did NOT ask how old this couple is -- but considering a bridesmaid kept asking me about country songs from the 1950's, that may give you a clue.

Becky the bride met Tucker the groom only three months ago, at a church convention along the Gulf Coast. In terms of my denomination, this was a "quick" courtship and wedding -- even though to Britney Spears, it might seem like a couple of lifetimes.

I was asked to oversee audio for the wedding and bring some music for dancing. Little did the bride know these days, most of my dance music is Spanish salsa -- well, except for my cassettes from the disco era, with language my Pastor still might consider too risque.

(What do you mean, play music from my new CD.at the wedding? It was the couple's night for celebrating, not my night for selling albums. Besides, they didn't ask me to sponsor the bridal gown.)

Thankfully, others in the congregation brought a nice variety of musical options for the ceremony. Mostly they had country CD's - but I had to select carefully. Somehow "There's a Tear in My Beer" doesn't seem right for a wedding.

The wedding ceremony actually started twice - as our solo singer fouled up his words to a Steven Curtis Chapman song in the middle of the second verse, and had me started his accompaniment over. How strange it was when he did better WITHOUT looking at the words.... [True!]

(The singer told me later he slept with the song playing on headphones, to help the words sink into his brain better. This is a fascinating idea - but based on some of my recent dreams, the song would get me kicked off an island by Simon Cowell.)

In our denomination the wedding script does NOT include the cliche line, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." A teenager asked my Pastor about that afterward - and I couldn't help pointing out objectors could have approached the minister for several weeks.

Our denomination DOES allow for personalized twists at weddings, though. At this one, the groom reached into his suit pocket, pulled out a tiara and "crowned" his bride the queen of his life! Now THERE'S one to try at a singles bar one of these nights....

After the ceremony was over and reception tables were set up, I played "The Tennessee Waltz" for the new husband and wife. I did it because she's moving into his home south of Nashville. No, I did NOT have any idea that the Tennessee and Vanderbilt women's basketball teams were going to waltz over Alabama and Auburn Sunday.

For never-married men like me, inevitably The Question comes up at a wedding like this. You know, "THE Question" -- other than how much I thought the ceremony cost.

"When are YOU getting married?" asked a 70-something grandfather in my congregation. When I wasn't sure of an answer, he had some handy advice. "Go to Wal-Mart. There are plenty of women there!" Well, yes - but if I snoop around the fabric and sewing department too much, won't some people think I'm homosexual?

(No, I didn't tell this man about my current boycott of Wal-Mart. I didn't want him to lose hope in me completely....)

But I have to admit this wedding was thought-provoking for me. In my church denomination, singles often are told to "date widely" and get to know the people they might take seriously in a romance. Yet this couple went from introductions to the altar in three months. Why, that's faster than Howard Dean has risen and fallen in the Presidential race.

By the way, how about Howard Dean's trip to Plains Sunday? The candidate went to church with former President Carter, but WITHOUT his wife. After all, Judith Steinberg Dean is Jewish - and the Baptist preacher might have provoked another angry outburst.

COMING TUESDAY: We review a "King Day" service, and check holiday weekend e-mail....

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