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29 JAN 04: ACCORDING TO THEIR FOLLIES

First came the billboards. Then came TV commercials. But the last straw came the other day, when I saw a bumper sticker on Wynnton Road promoting "Follies '04." Whoever gave this name to the presidential campaign certainly did a great job....

But seriously: "Follies '04" is a stage production the Junior League of Columbus is preparing for the first full weekend of Feburary. I understand why the group wants to promote this - but members even have put up yard signs around town. What does it say when there are more Follies signs than United Way signs?

A Junior League spokesperson talked about Follies '04 Wednesday on WRBL's "News 3 at Noon." She said it's the first Follies in Columbus in four years. That refers to the show, not the hiring of a Muscogee County school chief of staff.

The Junior League spokesperson said Follies '04 has been in the making more than a year - and any member who tried out for the show was guaranteed a role. We're either in for some big dance numbers, or a choral version of a bad "American Idol" audition.

This year's Follies will take place at the Bradley Theatre, which is where the first Junior League Follies was staged in 1933. From the clips I've seen on television, I wouldn't be surprised if the ladies in this year's show wear MORE clothes.

The theme of Follies '04 is "Big Band, Bold Blues." In most years, this would refer to the Albany State Marching Band's appearance at McClung Memorial Stadium in November....

The proceeds from Follies '04 February 6-7 will benefit the Anne Elizabeth Shepherd Home. The spokesperson said the Junior League has "returned more than $1 million to the community" since 1931. OK, so how much did you smuggle out of town?

I've lived in other cities where the Junior League gets involved in stage productions. During my youth in the Kansas City area, we took field trips to see women perform children's stories such as "Cinderella." I doubt this was performed for grown-ups - because some desperate single guy might try to imitate the glass slipper part.

The Junior League in Enid, Oklahoma used to put on "Follies" productions every year. They must have been good, because some businesses actually posted signs praising them. But of course, in Enid there was controversy over whether a country star should have a Sunday afternoon concert outdoors.

(By the way, why is there a "Junior League" but no "Senior League?" In Columbus, that phrase seems to refer only to tennis or bowling.)

It strikes me as strange that Follies signs seem to be all over town, while the national tour of "Cats" doesn't have as much publicity for next week's shows at the RiverCenter. You'd think the Muscogee County Humane Society would be selling discount tickets or something....

(I realized only Wednesday that "Cats" will visit Columbus at the same time "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" is playing at the Springer Opera House. Please don't get these plays mixed up - or you'll have a lot of explaining to do to your children.)

Now other notes from a winter Wednesday:

+ Columbia Forest Products announced it will close its Cuthbert plant - which reportedly employed more than half the people in town. Maybe some of those workers should have chopped down trees around Randolph County on their weekends.

+ ShopWise sent a mass mailing across Columbus with coupons from Schlotzsky's Deli. Trouble is, the ad listed a store on Auburn Avenue - which has been closed for weeks! To borrow from the Schlotzsky's slogan: "Funny Name, Seriously Misinformed."

+ Soul singer Faith Evans appeared in an Atlanta courtroom, after she was arrested on drug possession charges. Considering who her former husband was, she's in B.I.G. trouble....

+ Instant Message to B&B Tax Services on Macon Road: what do you mean when you say in your radio commercial I'm "more than a tax return?" Does that mean I'm a credit card number, too?

COMING SOON: A small, but powerful display.... and why you should boycott the Super Bowl....

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