25 DEC 07: SENT TO THE OFFICE
True confession: I don't watch "The Office" - either the U.S. or British version. I've assumed all the great workplace jokes were taken by Dilbert in the comics years ago....
But today we're tempted to write some new ones, after obtaining three very large sheets of paper. Your blog has obtained preliminary schematic plans for the Muscogee County School District's new administration building. District officials probably don't want me to use that word "schematic" - because it sounds too much like they're scheming to do something.
We've been given drawings for all three floors - so we can get an idea of how your money is being used for the "Education Services Center." But can we settle one thing here and now, before construction begins? How tall should the sign outside be? I don't want a repeat of that silly library sign debate....
One thing I've learned from those other joke writers is that you always check to see who has the corner office. It's usually a sign of power - as if executives need to look out windows more, to decide what to do.
On the top floor of the Education Services Center, the Superintendent is in line for a corner office. The preliminary plans give him four windows, a private bathroom and -- huh?! A private bathroom?! For washing his hands of those news media interviews, I suppose.
The private bathroom has only one door, from the Superintendent's office. No other school district employee would have this privy - oops, privilege....
But we're not sure how much Superintendent John Phillips is going to like this plan - especially since the schematics from Hecht Burdeshaw misspell "Superintendent" four times. Well, that's why they majored in architecture instead of English.
A smaller corner office would go to the Muscogee County School District Treasurer. His part of the third floor includes rooms for two Executive Assistants, three Administrative Assistants, and a "Superintendent's Administrative Assistant." And then those critics say today's schools have too much bureaucracy.
The L-shaped nature of the Education Services Center actually allows for five corners on the third floor. The other offices are assigned to the Director of Accounting, the Research Director and the Director of the "21sr Century Program." So we may have this debate about an administrative building all over again, in about 90 years.
Large areas on the second and third floors are set aside for "growth." But they don't seem quite big enough to house that new Carver High School....
A round area at one corner of Education Services Center will allow for two conference rooms and a break room on each floor. In fact, I count a total of ten conference rooms in the building - not counting the auditorium where school board meetings would be held. How much business is the Trade Center at risk of losing?
While the top floor of the Education Services Center doesn't seem to have any cubicle, the bottom two floors do. But please don't assume from this that the third-floor workers have an unfair advantage. You can't stick push-pins in wood-grain walls very easily.
(Before district officials write me: the schematics do NOT really say anything about wood-grain walls on the third floor. They also do not indicate if any art work will be on walls, or in the lobby -- so there's hope for Albert Paley to make a comeback in Columbus.)
The only committed corner office on the second floor is set aside for aides to the Chief Human Resources Officer -- but not the actual officer. Those aides must need window space to ease their eyes from handling so many teacher health insurance forms.
The first floor of the Education Services Center has the School Board meeting room, officers for registration and the guidance department -- as well as ten separate offices for psychologists. I never realized working in public schools drove that many employees crazy....
Some of the proposed rooms in the administrative building are admittedly a bit surprising....
+ A kitchen for the school board on the first floor -- but it doesn't look big enough for cafeteria workers to prepare pizza.
+ Eight separate rooms on the second floor for "Benefits." Talk about specialization! One person for health insurance, one for retirement accounts -- and perhaps one for arranging copying discounts at Office Depot.
+ A "Check Writer Room" on the third floor - a short walk away from the "Vault." So if they handle cash and checks, where's the room for credit cards?
+ A small second-floor office marked "Parenting." Some people would argue that ought to be the biggest room of all.
E-MAIL UPDATE: So are you having sweet dreams on this national holiday? Here's what one reader is dreaming about....
i am working on a comic
it is
J Wetherington walking around his office (serving egg nog) in a black trench coat as he entertains some of his Victory Dr. friends---
And he has black socks attached to long garters that meet up with his pink teddy that has an
"I love Columbus' logo on it!
Now now -- I'm not sure Mayor Wetherington even drives down Victory Drive these days. But then again, I didn't follow him out of the Civic Center after Sunday's victory rally for Carver.
Now for other notes from a surprisingly active Monday in the news:
+ The evening news reported on last-minute crowds at Peachtree Mall - but the video looked to me like there was plenty of space for people to walk around, without bumping into each other. I mean, it was nowhere near as bad as the aisles at Piggly Wiggly....
+ Residents at the Springfield Crossing Apartments on North Lumpkin Road reported a water pipe burst over the weekend, leaving messy flooding. This complex was built within the last ten years - so did someone bring a curse over from Elizabeth Canty Homes?
+ The Alabama Governor's office announced Bob Riley will make an economic development trip early next year to Hawaii. Aw c'mon - swallow your pride, save the state some money, and meet Hawaiian state officials at the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans.
(Perhaps this meeting is in Hawaii because it relates to the planned Kia plant in West Point, or the Hyundai factory in Montgomery. But the Governor had better not come back with scuba-diving pictures....)
+ Instant Message to WLTZ commentator Al Fleming: So everyone should say "Merry Christmas" because our country was founded on God and the Bible?! Please show me where the phrase "Merry Christmas" is even IN the Bible -- and any copies personally autographed by Santa Claus don't count.
2007 IN REVIEW, CONTINUED: July was a month when things went up and down. The temperature went up. The prices of gas and food went up. And the Columbus murder rate went up. They DO say on the CSI shows that everything is connected, you know....
(To be fair: a couple of things actually went down in July - lake levels, and Michael Vick's career.)
The Columbus Airport board felt a bit better in July, when Atlantic Southeast Airways began jet service. The speeding drivers on Interstate 185 now feel more challenged than ever.
The Georgia state Consumer Affairs Office had enough with Bill Heard Chevrolet in July, accusing the car dealer of 16 years of unfair business practices. Some residents quietly called it: "Chevy - a Columbus revolution."
Meanwhile, FBI agents raided a physical therapy office on Armour Road in July. To this day, we haven't been told exactly why - but in a way, I'm waiting for Roger Clemens to issue a statement denying he ever went there.
Longtime Columbus Police officer Byron Hickey filed a lawsuit against the city in July, claiming a couple of years of discrimination. Hickey calls a news conference to announce this - and if the woman injured by Zachary Allen's city vehicle had done the same thing, a long cover-up might have been shortened substantially.
Muscogee County Coroner James Dunnivant resigned in July. If I'm hearing things correctly, one contender for the job in the 2008 election is a current employee of the Columbus RiverCenter -- where I suppose he analyzes whether or not the audience is dead.
A famous name came to town in July, when Iraq war protester Cindy Sheehan visited the Fort Benning gates. So why didn't she come back for the S.O.A. Watch protest in November? Dennis Kucinich and Cynthia McKinney needed all the presidential endorsements they could find....
The Harris County Commission approved a major new development project in July. It's called "The Grove" - and as long as that grove is located near the scenic byway, Keep Columbus Beautiful probably won't mind at all.
Talbotton was in turmoil during July, after word came out about the city bouncing checks worth tens of thousands of dollars. Is there still time to move that new Wal-Mart SuperCenter a little farther down U.S. 80, toward the county line?
The "Adequate Yearly Progress" report on Georgia schools came out in July, showing three Muscogee County high schools fell short. One of them was Carver High - so the principal should have told students at last Sunday's rally to read some books over winter break.
(Days later, the Muscogee County School Board gave Superintendent John Phillips a raise to more than $250,000. Now I'm wondering why the man with a state championship ring on his hand isn't helping the Tiger football team buy some himself.)
Lee County School Superintendent John Painter was effectively fired in July, as the school board moved him to a "Special Assistant" job. Well, at least he can still consider himself special....
Your blog broke some news in July, as we showed damage from a cave-in at Maranatha Baptist Church. I'll give this congregation credit for one thing - no one there is sending e-mails blaming it on the pastor or his board.
Summit Hospital announced more staff cuts in July - and an e-mail to our blog predicted it will either close or become bankrupt by next July. Instead, several Columbus doctors announced buyout plans last week. So is that prediction wrong? Or could a few malpractice suits against those doctors change everything?
Money magazine reported in July that Troy, Alabama has the cleanest air in the U.S. And as long as satellite college campuses keep opening across Phenix City, it should remain that way....
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