14 DEC 07: THE 1,500 CLUB

A special season begins for this blog today. No, we do NOT keep the season of Christmas - even though at Thursday night's poker tournament I dared to sing: "Blinds are now at 10 and 20, pum-pum-pum...."

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: The special season is one of blog-writing milestones, lasting from today until our fifth anniversary in early January. This day happens to mark the 1,500^th post we've made. So if I'm now in the 1500s, does that officially qualify me as a renaissance man?

Since we only post items to this blog once a day, that means we've made 300 posts a year over the last five years. That's a lot of writing, an awful lot of jokes - and probably a few jokes which were just plain awful.

For newcomers who may not know, we began this blog after operating a subscription humor service for nearly three years. LaughLine.com went out of business 11 October 02, after only a few subscribers and 713 daily issues. We noted on that final day that at least we stopped one short of Babe Ruth's home run milestone.

(The LaughLine web site was sold days later in an online auction - for only $7.50. I would have been better off heating two slices of toast, and making them look like pictures of Paris Hilton.)

We've heard from many people over these 1,500 posts, who appreciate and enjoy what they read here. Why, this e-mail reached us only this week....

Okay the reviews are coming in---you are hilarious!

Is the constable a real person or a funny literary tool? I love his sorties about the mare!

You need to write a book---or have you already---it would sell a milion!

Isn't this amazing? We celebrate a Blog of Columbus milestone, and Hurtsboro, Alabama shows up again....

Yes, Constable R.J. Schweiger is a real person. Ask almost any Hurtsboro resident about him. Or if you don't want to make the drive, you can probably ask most of the staff at the Russell County Court Clerk's office -- because he's been in enough hearings as a defendant.

We have indeed thought about turning our blog items into a book. In fact, we offered a book proposal to a couple of publishers in the last year or two. One told us they could not make the time and commitment necessary to make the book a success. Translation: they'd have to offer a big payoff to arrange a live interview on WRBL.

Then there was the person who came to us earlier this year, suggesting we turn this blog into a local version of TMZ - with multiple immediate posts a day, including video clips. But this idea didn't thrill me. For one thing, do we really need the paparazzi following Dr. John Phillips every time he steps outside the Superintendent's office?

We've written about all sorts of topics in 1,500 posts. So we decided to play a "numbers game," and check the archives to see how many times certain selected words have come up....

+ Flood: 48 posts. That beats 45 for "drought" - so for you newcomers: yes, it does rain hard here once in a great while.

+ Little League: 176 posts. That tops 146 for "Cottonmouths," and shows which sport is really king in this city.

+ "Poydasheff": 236 posts, including 16 this year since he left the mayor's office. But somehow we missed where he went on this year's annual overseas vacation - and whether any new industry is coming here as a result.

+ "Wetherington": 142 posts He may not smile much, but so far he's providing a lot more joke material.

+ Hurtsboro: 94 posts, with 82 of them (including today) in 2007. Imagine if I'd asked Constable R.J. Schweiger to be a guest writer during our vacation.

+ Cottonton: 4 posts. If the Constable lived there, that number surely would be higher.

E-MAIL UPDATE: One thing we've supported at this blog is freedom of speech, on all sorts of topics. Take this unusual sighting....

I know the Constable keeps you up to date on the garbage situation in Hurtsboro, but I thought I'd let you in on an interesting racket the may be going on in downtown Columbus.



I noticed a business man emptying his office's trash into a public trash can on the sidewalk on Broadway. If commercial enterprises are required to have private contracted trash pickup and those guys charge by volume, it makes sense to reduce the volume by using the free public bins (not completely ethical, but makes sense).



Best of luck to in Miami (VT is not going to make it easy).

That businessperson has an interesting idea. If you fill the trash cans on Broadway, the "purple people" from the Business Improvement District will have to remove it - and you dodge those landfill fees in a new and more legitimate way.

But isn't this businessperson taking a risk? Dump your trash into a bin along Broadway, and all sorts of curious passers-by might come along and see what you've dumped. Remember the Greyhound bus station electric bill we posted here? [17 Sep] Someone might pull out a business credit card statement, showing regular payments to mobsters.

That's "best of luck to KANSAS," I think you mean - the old alma mater playing Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl three weeks from now. Certainly the Hokies will be a challenge. But at least the coaching staff no longer can use alumnus Michael Vick as a source of inspiration.

Another regular feature of this blog is our quick summary of news items. Take Thursday....

+ Columbus Fire Chief Jeff Meyer read a statement, saying he expects a city investigation of the Zachary Allen "cocaine crash" to be "thorough." Meyer plans to say nothing more until that investigation is finished - and we'll see if something so thorough leaves him so through.

+ The evening news reported Columbus Regional is in talks to buy Doctors Hospital. Let's be honest here: how many people in Columbus would notice, if Doctors Hospital disappeared? The only people which might really care are expectant mothers - because then they might have NO Baby Place.

(The news of this possible merger is enough to make executives at St. Francis Hospital sick to their stomachs. But then again, maybe that's why St. Francis just opened a new center for digestive disorders.)

+ A federal government report estimated the big base realignment move to Fort Benning will cost the U.S. Army a record $31 billion. Maybe this explains why we've heard nothing about the gold being moved here from Fort Knox - because it might all be sold.

+ AT&T donated one million dollars to the National Infantry Museum project. After what happened with BellSouth last year, it's a wonder the name isn't changing to "The AT&T Museum, which happens to honor the infantry."

+ WRBL showed students attending their final day of classes at the old Rigdon Road Elementary School. They'll move into a new school nearby in January - and then the crews bulldozing the old Sears building can roll down the street on their lunch hours to make a little extra money.

+ The new director of the Georgia Department of Transportation revealed it's a defendant in more than 1,500 pending lawsuits. Did THAT many drivers have wheel alignment damage, while crews repaved Manchester Expressway?

+ Carver High School held a "pep rally and bonfire" for the football team, before Saturday's AAA football final in Cairo. This sort of thing doesn't happen everywhere, you know. Columbus High School environment students might complain about the bonfire contributing to global warming.

(WLTZ went to Cairo, and found Syrupmaker fans preparing shirts reading: "Are you prepared to meet yer Maker?" If they don't allow school-led prayers before high school football games, can this sort of shirt be legal?)

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: The nominees for Golden Globe Awards were announced Thursday - but questions abounded about whether the Writers' Guild strike might disrupt the mid-January show. And all this time, I thought winning actors wrote the little "thank-you lists" in their pockets themselves.

(The list of nominees includes NO mention of "In the Valley of Elah," the movie loosely based on the killing of Fort Benning soldier Richard Davis. If you're going to win awards, it usually helps to have a movie that people actually want to watch.)

+ Democratic presidential candidates held their final debate before the Iowa caucuses. At one point, Barack Obama openly hoped Hillary Rodham Clinton would be an adviser in his administration. I think "advice and consent" with the Senate usually works in the other direction....

(The New Hampshire Co-Chair of the Clinton campaign resigned, after warning Republicans might raise questions about Barack Obama's use of illegal drugs years ago. This comment was considered "over the line" - which is strange, since Republicans actually asked those questions when Bill Clinton said he "never inhaled.")

+ The Ohio Ethics Commission began an investigation of a mayor in suburban Cleveland, who offers to conduct wedding ceremonies for free. Randall Westfall's offer includes a suggestion that couples donate to his campaign fund - and that political disclaimer must be very hard to write on the wedding cake.

+ The Illinois Legislature is considering a bill making Chicago the first U.S. city to operate its own casino. This might confuse some tourists - to walk in and see signs promoting the "Daley Jackpot."

+ Madonna was named to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Is she really a "rock" singer, as opposed to pop music? To borrow from a Madonna song, this hall may have really pushed things over the Borderline....

+ Tabloid TV shows showed Britney Spears out on the town in Los Angeles at midnight - after she called out sick from a court deposition earlier in the day. As ditzy as Spears appears to be these days, an aide may have needed to remind her to eat for her health.

(Britney Spears went out after midnight with her nanny - and at one point left the nanny behind at a gas station. People already were wondering why Kevin Federline has custody of Spears's children. Now we see why - the nanny doesn't get enough sleep.)

+ Former Senator George Mitchell released a 300-page report on the use of drugs in major league baseball. Yet he suggested NO players be punished for using steroids and human growth hormone. These Democrats always seem to return to their roots....

(George Mitchell's report claims pitcher Roger Clemens took steroid injections several years ago. Clemens responded by denying the claim, and calling it slanderous. Mitchell had better be careful not to walk past any bullpens during spring training.)

+ Reports from Virginia indicated Michael Vick wrote a federal judge before his sentencing, asking for mercy and a "second chance." Perhaps he doesn't realize the judicial system is more like basketball than football - it's "one and done," not "three and out."

(What does it say about our times when the Atlanta Falcons seem more likely to give Michael Vick a second chance, than former coach Bobby Petrino?)

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: A "comeback of the year" which could top what Carver's football team did last week....

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