18 DEC 07: MERGER MEDICAL

Wow - two hospital buyout announcements in the Columbus area within a week! Who could have guessed this? Who would have thought hospitals would be selling out in December faster than X-Box 360 sets?

A group from the Hughston Clinic announced an agreement in principle Monday to buy Phenix City's Summit Hospital.. This comes only days after Columbus Regional announced plans to buy Doctors Hospital. About the only thing left is for the state to sell West Central psychiatric hospital to St. Francis.

The Hughston Clinic is an entity does NOT seem to be buying Summit Hospital. A statement says six surgeons at the clinic are doing it - so maybe this will be renamed the REAL Doctors' Hospital.

The six surgeons are paying $53 million to buy Summit Hospital. That's almost nine million dollars each - so check the costs on that patient bill very carefully.

Speaking for the six surgeons, Dr. Carlton Savory admitted Summit Hospital has had financial problems since it opened 16 months ago. He said that makes the timing of the purchase perfect. Hmmm - as in buy low, sell high?!

Dr. Carlton Savory says few immediate changes are planned in Summit Hospital. It will have an orthopedic focus, but remain a "general hospital." Maybe more patients would use it if the actual cast of General Hospital showed up.

Dr. Carlton Savory believes the future is bright for Summit Hospital. He says once construction is finished on the Phenix City north bypass, Summit will be the easiest hospital to reach in the Columbus area. Hopefully he'll tell that to the ambulance drivers who will whiz by, taking trauma patients to The Medical Center.

But really now -- can six surgeons successfully supervise Summit's subordinates? Come to think of it, can they say that last sentence out loud without a speech therapist?

But anyway: Dr. Carlton Savory's answer to that question is yes. In his words: "We know how it should run." There could be no better time for the Summit Hospital nurses to organize a union....

Phenix City Councilor Gail Brantley told WRBL she was pleased with the sale of Summit Hospital. She said anything would be better than the hospital's closing -- although the building probably could be turned into nice new condos, on the order of The Phenixian.

But some Phenix City residents may be shuddering at the news that Hughston Clinic doctors are buying Summit Hospital. After all, Columbus Regional owned Phenix Regional Hospital before shutting it down. We're sorry to have to remind the Doctors Hospital staff of that....

Remember when a Summit Hospital executive was dismissed during the planning process, essentially because he bought a house in Columbus? Now Columbus doctors are taking over Phenix City's only hospital - which may not give residents there migraine headaches, but could give them migrating ones.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: NBC announced Monday that Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien will resume first-run programs in January, despite the Writers' Guild strike. It's not clear how the shows will be done -- but I'll be more than happy to call in long-distance with fresh jokes.

With the return of late-night shows looking very likely, I'd better get these national jokes out of my system now....

+ Q: Why does Beyonce want a Democrat to win the White House?

A: They're "to the left, to the left!"

+ Former Georgia Congressperson Cynthia McKinney confirmed she's running for President. Part of me wants to say that sentence needs no punch line....

(Cynthia McKinney hopes to be the Green Party's candidate. Come to think of it, that's probably the most logical party for a "person of color" to prefer.)

+ Brian Williams introduced a new announcer voice for NBC Nightly News - and it's Michael Douglas! Huh?! Katie Couric asked Walter Cronkite to be her CBS introduction voice, and people claim HER newscast is the soft one.

(No wonder Brian Williams's top story Monday night was the decision to resume late-night talk shows. He wants to be back around his acting buddies again - and maybe do a Saturday Night Live sequel.)

Back to the local news now, and other highlights from a chilly Monday:

+ Columbus Council will vote today on the emergency purchase of a new floor and refrigeration system for the Columbus Civic Center. Manager Dale Hester showed WLTZ cooling pipes, which are corroding from the outside in. Shame on those country music fans for using the floor as a spittoon.

+ WRBL reported the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter on Airport Thruway will not open until next spring. Wasn't the original plan for a January opening? Everything looks ready from the outside - and Shoney's probably has already stocked up with extra french toast sticks for the breakfast buffet.

+ Another round of three-state water talks was held in Tallahassee, Florida. Alabama Governor Bob Riley said an agreement was worked out so areas with a water shortage can have their request heard within a week. I still think Georgia's Governor had a faster idea, with that day of prayer a few weeks ago.

+ Plans were announced for a Sunday celebration of Carver High School's state football title. It will start with a parade down Broadway at 2:00 p.m. - as if all the people who attend downtown church services are going to stick around for two hours, instead of hurrying off for last-minute shopping.

+ Instant Message to Phenix City Police Chief Brian McGarr: Has anyone told you about the paint job on your patrol cars? I didn't notice it until Monday - but some people probably giggle when the passenger's side door opens and it says "Phenix City Lice."

2007 IN REVIEW CONTINUED: February began with an unusual court case - as a Russell County judge went to a grade school, for the trial of a teacher. He may be on to something here. So many people will want to see the Kenneth Walker civil trial that they should have it along Interstate 185.

A grade school teacher in Clay County, Georgia made news in February, by using duct tape to shut a student's mouth. Those antibacterial soaps must not wash mouths out as effectively as the old ones did.

A Valley, Alabama middle school had a different kind of scandal in February. Administrators removed all the bathroom tissue, to punish some rebellious students. If only the students had been caught passing notes in class - the days of writing 100 sentences as punishment could have been gone forever.

The Ledger-Enquirer had a scary story in February, warning the federal government might seize control of the old Baker Middle School. But as of Monday, signs were posted outside the building saying it's up for sale - so the folks in Washington can't figure out what to do with it, either.

The Parisian store at Peachtree Mall closed in February -- and even though Dillard's later bought the space, it remains empty today. It hasn't even turned into that restaurant people have waited about ten years to see, replacing W.C. Crowley's.

Another closing in February was recommended by the Phenix City Police Chief. The city council voted to shut down Gonzoes' Jazz and Blues Sports Bar. Apparently it's against city custom to show Utah Jazz basketball games and St. Louis Blues hockey games at the same time.

Georgia Senator Johnny Isakson announced in February he helped weld a bolt at the U.S.-Mexican border, to keep illegal immigrants out. Well, that's one small step toward matching Jimmy Carter's work with Habitat for Humanity....

The General Manager of the Columbus Catfish went to Columbus Council in February, saying Golden Park needs padded outfield walls and a better drainage system. Then the Catfish went on to win a championship - and they won a division title because Savannah's field had drainage which is even worse.

College softball's annual "Leadoff Classic" returned to Columbus in February. And as usually happens, one day of play was washed out by rain. After what's happened in recent months, I suggest ten Leadoff Classics be scheduled throughout the next three months.

A new sports team began play in February, and the Columbus Lions reached the finals of the World Indoor Football League. That league has now folded, with the Lions joining a different league - so it's the end of the World as we know it.

(SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: A road trip to Atlanta, which likely will mean a late post here.... check the sports schedule for a clue as to why....)

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