23 DEC 07: OUT AND WITHOUT

"What the h**l is wrong with this piece of junk?" That's what a man said at my front door the other night. He was NOT talking about me - though he certainly could have. The man shouldn't have been there. I shouldn't have been there, outside with him. But I heard TV weather experts call for rain, took the warning too seriously -- and locked myself out, while racing to check the car window.

This story actually begins a couple of weeks ago. A man bumped into my car at church, and broke a taillight. I probably never would have noticed, but the man left me a note offering to pay for the damage. Wow - I've been in church groups where members still haven't paid ten-year-old debts.

Because of a busy schedule, I had to wait a few days before I could drive my car to a repair shop. This admittedly was risky, as a broken taillight is enough to get you a ticket under the Columbus Police Department's crime crackdown. Does a cracked light without really mean I'm hiding crack cocaine within?

The big-name car dealer on the north side of town didn't have one important part for the taillight, so it ordered one for me. I was told to come back in a few days to have the work finished. In the meantime, I could drive home -- and my car key was separated from my usual key ring. As if I could walk all the way across town while I was waiting, and go back inside my home to blog....

To save the trouble of putting the car key on my ring for a few days, then taking it off on the return trip, I decided to keep it separate. This was potentially dangerous, as I had to remember one extra thing on trips to work or weekend errands -- and I have trouble remembering which lanes are "turn-only" lanes downtown.

I should have seen trouble coming Wednesday afternoon, when I ran some errands with the separate car key. I only realized when I returned home that I'd left the regular key ring behind - the one with my house key on it. But thankfully, I keep a spare house key in my wallet. And thankfully, no beggar has ever told me they need one more key to finish a personal collection.

But then at 6:00 p.m. Wednesday, the TV weather experts told me rain was coming Thursday. I realized I left my car window cracked open about an inch, on a warm afternoon. So I grabbed that car key, figuring it would only take a minute to roll up that window - then locked the front door, not thinking it would take me 90 minutes to get back inside.

I immediately realized I'd locked the front door without a wallet or key ring - so I ran to the car to finish that deed, then ran to my neighbors standing outside for help. One of the them said "Oh-oh" as I approached, and they all became silent. But I really don't think they expected me to rob them.

"Does anyone have a phone and a phone book?" I asked. My next-door neighbor actually doesn't have a phone - not even a cell phone. He let me have his AT&T phone book when it landed on the porch in October. So if a Russell County grand jury wants my notes about Hurtsboro, that extra book is the one it may receive.

Regular blog readers will recall I've pulled this lockout stunt before. In fact, I think I've locked myself out of my apartment four times in the last four years. I was guarding against crime -- and probably wound up paying locksmiths more than a membership in a neighborhood association costs.

I couldn't remember which locksmith came to my rescue before. So I used a neighbor's cell phone to dial "A Affordable." Shame on me for giving business to a company with grammatical difficulties....

The locksmith came after about 30 minutes, which is par for the course. I waited outside on a chilly evening in a T-shirt and running shorts, but wore the wrong shoes for taking a jog around the neighborhood. It was just as well - as I was in more of a mood for kicking rocks, if not myself.

A man wearing an "Old Corp" hat eventually arrived, and came to the front door. At least I'd turned on a porch light for him, while I did my one-minute trip to the car. But he still needed one of those new fancy multi-beam flashlights in the dark - one that changes colors to the point where you'd think he bought it at a rock concert.

Trouble was, the locksmith couldn't get my lock open. He'd been opening locks all day since 8:00 a.m., he muttered under his breath, only to struggle now with mine. I didn't dare say a word of criticism about it - because how can you accuse someone of incompetence, when you've just shown you're guilty of the same thing?

The locksmith had to stop for a moment as he battled my lock. "The smoke gets in your eyes," he explained - smoke from the tipped cigarette he was smoking, as he worked against a solid door. Perhaps he's worked the rest of the day on screen doors, which filtered the smoke.

I told the locksmith on the other occasions when I blew it, repair people went to the back door. After about 15 minutes of frustration, he decided to go there - even though the only extra light he had there was a half-moon. If it has enough space in the cracks for cockroaches to crawl inside during summer....

As the locksmith fought at the back door, my next-door neighbor opened his. I explained the struggle the professional was having. "I wish you luck," the neighbor said as he closed his door. Luck?!?! As if the locksmith is spinning slots at Victoryland?

After nearly 30 minutes of unsuccessful work, the locksmith went back to his van for more tools, then returned to the front door and kept trying. "It usually doesn't take this long," he said under his breath.

"Yeah," I said quietly. I knew all too well, from experience.

It was getting chilly after an hour outside. My hands were in my shorts pockets, as the sweatered locksmith tried the "card in the door" trick without success. "One time," he pleaded at one point - making that thought about slot machines seem even more fitting.

A second time the locksmith went to his van, then battled on. "These Chinese locks are tough," he eventually explained to me. "Not impossible to open, but tough." Apparently China made these to frustrate U.S. residents, before turning to lead-based paint.

"That will be 50 dollars," the locksmith finally said as he stood up after close to an hour of work.

"Whenever?!" I asked. I thought he was ready to give up, to have me call another locksmith -- and he should have realized if I didn't carry my house key outside, I probably didn't carry a checkbook or wallet.

After asking that question, the locksmith quietly pushed open my front door. He made that statement because he was finally successful - not merely saying something to keep a conversation going.

I hurried inside to grab a checkbook to pay the locksmith 50 dollars. He told me to write the check in his name, after I asked him to remind me of his company. The better for avoiding bad recommendations that way, I suppose....

So why am I sharing this long frustrating evening? To make a point - that your blogger as nowhere near as smart as some readers sometimes take him to be. I can be downright stupid at times. And I don't need any e-mailer from Hurtsboro or the Government Center to tell me I am, because I already know.

In fact, I felt that all the way to the car repair shop the next day, when the repairs were finished and the car key returned to my ring. There's a deeper lesson here, one that "Nationalist Movement" in Mississippi could learn - sometimes integration can be a very good thing.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Readers have plenty of things on their minds this weekend - beginning with Friday's main topic....

Were you at the Chamber meeting? Or are you just reporting what some reporter said? If you had been there, you would know that the Mayor said he would take the question of a referendum to Council early next year -- not next month. He also said that the reason he was looking at expanding the jail is that there are now about 200 inmates sleeping on the floor, and the Justice Department will make us build additional cells. Without the sales tax, the jail will have to be built out of general fund money. The mayor also said that he is still working on "the plan" for using the money raised by a sales tax, and so I suggest we citizens give him the time to work it out and lay it out before us instead of dismissing it out of hand.

I thought I heard a TV reporter say "next month," and I also heard "next year." But hey, next month IS early next year - unless Mayor Jim Wetherington plans to follow the Chinese New Year, and wait until February.

Keep in mind our "law and order" mayor has had almost a year to think about how to improve public safety. So if a one-cent sales tax is the best way, why wait to present it to Columbus Council? What could possibly delay such a.... oh wait, I forgot. When is the report on the Zachary Allen case being delivered?

I didn't realize almost 200 people were sleeping on the floor at the Columbus city jail. If you're thinking about committing a crime, keep that in mind - as you're far more likely to get a cot right now at the Valley Rescue Mission.

Now to the other side of public safety - as someone sent us a short article from the Ledger-Enquirer:

See ? That's what I'm talking about... Why wasn't Capt. Hawk arrested for Rreckless Driving ? And I didn't mean writing reports was demeaning or degrading other than his fellow officers know about what happened. Also, he can't work ANY p/t jobs currently. That cost him approx. $400 per month.

The article revealed Columbus Police Captain J.D. Hawk was arrested in late October on Manchester Expressway, for driving 103 miles per hour in his personal car. He was stopped by a Georgia State Patrol officer in a 65 mile-per-hour zone. Perhaps it wasn't "reckless driving" because Mr. Hawk didn't change lanes.

It took almost two months for the Ledger-Enquirer to report on the speeding ticket for J.D. Hawk - and the newspaper had to file an "open records" request to get the details. If they're going "hyper-local," as some advisers to newspapers suggest, the Ledger-Enquirer has to improve on this. Let's see the divorce filings at least once a week, too.

But let's think more happily here. Isn't it wonderful that Carver won the state AAA football title, and is getting a big parade down Broadway today? Aren't we all thrilled that.... well, no....

Ten of the starters on Carver's team did not start out at Carver..I don't blame the kids, I blame the district who allows recruting and the parents who see nothing wrong with it..Why was Shaw not honored on the same level as Carver when they won the state football title and state baseball title in the same year?

From what I've heard over the years, "recruiting" of Muscogee County students may not be limited to athletics. Hardaway High School teachers have been jealous at times, because Columbus High's magnet program pulls in many potentially strong students. Maybe we need to have something like a sports draft, for all eighth-graders.

Why didn't Shaw High receive a parade seven years ago? That was a couple of mayors ago, so perhaps you should ask Judge Bobby Peters that question. The fact that he's a Hardaway graduate probably had absolutely nothing to do with it....

I'm guessing the difference in attention this year is because people have come to expect Shaw High School to have strong sports teams, but not Carver. For several years, the winner of the season-opening Carver-Spencer football game couldn't be sure it would win any others.

Our last e-mail is about a different sport - and we all agree this is a sport, right?

I notice you have noted several times lately about playing in local poker tournaments. Could you give me some info on where you play? I have been looking to get some more across the felt poker experience as lately I play only online. I used to belong to a poker club in Detroit, Michigan that held weekly events and was exclusive to their own members. It was never quote unquote cash games but the games did have a fee or buy in so to speak and the winner did "win something in the effect of credit at the club towards food/drink etc". I thought it was a pretty good system.

Not sure how the poker scene works here in the Columbus area. I have heard several bars & clubs say they have a holdem poker tournament but I never remember where ... when ... buy in??? Would love to give it a go at your poker spot if you don't mind sharing. If you do ... well thats fine too and I respect your right to poker privacy ;) .

Do you ever play online? I wont bore you with favorite poker rooms online but would say I do have a favorite poker forum online. Http://www.cardmafia.com just in case you get bored & want to look around. Not a huge site but lots of "friendly" goombas.

Thanks for writing your blog I love it.

Sincerely,

Glenn

When my schedule permits, I play in the 8:00 p.m. ET Thursday tournaments at Lil Kim's Cove, two blocks down from the Civic Center on Fourth Street. Head toward the bridge. You'll probably find a card game if you head two blocks in the other direction - but that's the Booker T. Washington Apartments, and I can't guarantee the players won't cheat.

Based on what I've been told, two other places in Columbus with weekly poker nights are the Sports Page on Veterans Parkway and the Memory Lane club in midtown. I suggest calling them for nights, times and rules. All you have to do at Lil Kim's Cove is buy one drink - and the server knows by now I drink Diet Coke, even though I could stagger one block to my home after a few beers.

The web site where I play online poker from time to time is one the big-time stars don't promote on TV - Yahoo Games. You have a pretend bank account, but there are limits on how much you can bet at one time. It's as if Yahoo heard those Georgia Lottery commercials which warn, "Play responsibly."

Thanks to all of you for writing - and now let's check some weekend headlines:

+ Federal Judge Clay Land questioned a confidential informant in the Kenneth Walker case. Talk about confusing - this man supposedly tipped off police to Kenneth Walker, then signed an affidavit claiming he gave false information to police, and now says he made that claim merely out of sympathy for Walker's widow?! There are soap operas on TV with simpler plots than this....

+ The Georgia Department of Transportation suspended all road construction until Wednesday morning. The official reason: the state is helping holiday traffic flow smoothly. The unofficial translation: Governor Perdue ordered cuts in holiday pay and overtime.

+ In a bizarre preview of the Sugar Bowl, the Georgia men's basketball team handled Hawaii 67-59. The way Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan runs the spread offense, sports books in Nevada might take bets on whether the football score is higher or lower.

+ Instant Message to the seven or eight people who crossed 11^th Street in the middle of the block last Sunday in front of my car, heading for church: Did you repent of that once the service began? Or did you have angelic protection I didn't see?

2007 IN REVIEW, CONTINUED: May began with the Phenix City Council changing its mind, about giving a tax incentive for a furniture distribution center. I'm not sure if the withdrawal has affected economic development since - but I DID see a sofa-love seat sale the other day, at a deserted Columbus gas station. [True!]

The Columbus City Manager suggested in May a one-cent sales tax might be needed, to pay for city expenses involved with base realignment. So will this be on top of the proposed one-cent sales tax for public safety? City officials need to be like a glass of milk in the new year - and make their "two-cents plain."

A former executive with the Ledger-Enquirer found an unusual hobby in May. Billy Winn conducted a "tour of Columbus murders." Yet for some reason, no one's blamed him for the summer crime surge....

Only days later, Columbus Police announced a new crackdown on littering. For some of us, this was NOT good news. The chances of finding thrown-away winning lottery tickets on the sidewalk have gone way down.

The "Stocking Strangler" murder case received national attention in May, when author David Rose toured the country promoting his book "The Big Eddy Club." So far, no group at Eddy Middle School has dared to claim this name for itself.

Columbus State University granted a political science degree in May, to a 77-year-old man. Why, he's old enough to remember when the negative campaign commercials were only on radio.

ABC News sent a "Nightline" crew to Columbus in May, to interview Aflac executive Dan Amos. Amos even took a reporter fishing - and all that reminds me: has the Chattahoochee River been too dry this year to have that rubber duck race?

Speaking of which, the drought became serious across the Southeast during May. A wildfire hundreds of miles away spread smoke across Columbus. Debate raged over who was ignoring state water restrictions. But I'm still waiting for Joanne Cavis from the Extension Office to tell us how to cook pasta dinners with half the water.

We broke the news during May that the Spanish-language "Radio Continental" was making a comeback, on Columbus FM radio. Owners then told a TV station the return would occur in December. But I haven't heard it on the air yet - and I haven't even heard rappers on down the dial in Spanish, either.

The local baseball became serious in May, as Columbus State reached the national Division II finals. That followed Glenwood winning an Alabama high school baseball title. Let the record show that team hasn't received a parade through Phenix City, either - as if there would be room for one on Broad Street, during Streetscape construction.

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