4 DEC 07: THE MUSCOGEE HORROR PICTURE SHOW

Who knows how many people it's startled? You're sitting at home eating lunch, when a commercial appears during the noon news showing several local sex offenders. It's much more comforting to go searching for lost eight-year-olds - although they'd run away faster, if you tried to catch them.

But for a week or two, messages have appeared during the noon news showing nine Muscogee County sex offenders. Sheriff Ralph Johnson appears as well, saying the men have NOT met state requirements to register with authorities -- which I think puts them in something like an "Army reserve" for cleaning up local storm damage.

I'm not sure how the Muscogee County Sheriff's Office knows the nine sex offenders are even in the area. But apparently they are, as Deputy Joel McCraa reported Monday at least four of them have been found since the TV messages began. Hopefully the rest of them aren't playing elves in some church pageant.

We found all nine wanted sex offenders Monday night - well, I mean we found them online. If you haven't seen the TV ads, their pictures are posted at the Sheriff's Department web site. Trouble is, the pictures are as well-hidden within the city web site as some of the sex offenders are in their neighborhoods.

One of the addresses listed for a captured sex offender looked familiar -- and sure enough, it was. His last known address was the House of Mercy on Third Avenue, which isn't that far from Downtown Elementary School. Maybe this explains why the House of Mercy isn't listed in the latest Columbus white pages [True!]....

Muscogee County officials say the TV search for sex offenders was inspired by successful hunts in other cities. But why is it starting now, late in 2007? Hasn't "America's Most Wanted" been on the air for more than ten years?

And what about the long-running Crimestoppers program, which searches for wanted criminals? The Muscogee County Sheriff's Department is listed as a "cooperating agency" - but Columbus Police seems to be mentioned much more often in those reports. And let's face it: searches for armed robbers are a lot more thrilling than manhunts for people who haven't filled out paperwork.

Maybe I'm overly skeptical, but I'm struck by the timing of this TV campaign showing Ralph Johnson. The Sheriff happens to be up for re-election next year - and any free TV time he has now could save him money next October. It's even better than "paying it forward," because he's not paying anything.

And lest we forget, we're approaching the fourth anniversary of one of Sheriff Ralph Johnson's biggest challenges. Radio stations are promoting next Sunday's Kenneth Walker Memorial Service, at the church he attended. But I wouldn't expect any political announcements there - as you're more likely to find a table selling tickets to the NAACP banquet.

Not much else made news around the area Monday, but here's what we noticed:

+ Which restaurant and market on Buena Vista Road is offering free drinks to anyone showing a Carver High School ID? It's in honor of the football team - but how many people are going to show Carver-Spencer football game ticket stubs?

+ The final college bowl lineup (determined after our Monday deadline) showed Georgia Tech is going to the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho. How hard must it be to sell Tech fans tickets to this game? I suppose you could sell a skiing package - but fans already will be climbing up snow-covered stairs at the stadium.

+ Alabama men's basketball coach Mark Gottfried underwent hernia surgery. This is what happens when you're pushed to overtime on your home floor by Southeast Louisiana....

+ Police at the University of North Alabama announced they're searching for a campus flasher. At this time of year, I assume the search is being suspended at sunset.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: A new national intelligence estimate was issued Monday, indicating Iran stopped working on nuclear weapons four years ago. Will the Bush administration apply the lessons learned in Iraq? Will it assume this report is wrong, and proceed to invade Iran anyway?

+ Voters in Venezuela rejected a ballot question which would have allowed President Hugo Chavez to run for re-election indefinitely. If only Mr. Chavez had reminded people of how well it worked for Franklin Roosevelt.

(Hugo Chavez declared the 51-percent no vote was a sign that "democracy is maturing" in Venezuela. Doesn't this imply the President is immature?)

+ British teacher Gillian Gibbons was flown out of Sudan. She served several days in prison for allowing a second-grade class to name a stuffed bear Muhammad. This would never happen in the U.S., of course - as teachers would be punished for mentioning Jesus instead.

+ Karl Rove wrote in a magazine that Barack Obama should fight harder to win the Iowa caucuses, or his presidential campaign will be doomed. Maybe Obama should borrow from one of Iowa's favorite winter sports - and challenge Hillary Rodham Clinton to a wrestling match.

+ Republican Presidential candidate John McCain appeared in a forum sponsored by Myspace and MTV. Put those two entities together, and campaigning really will change - with candidates challenged to post their "boxers or briefs" online.

+ Former Commissioner Bowie Kuhn was selected by a veterans' committee for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Well, no one ever accused HIM of overperforming due to steroids....

+ Forensic experts announced they tested the evening gown of the Miss Puerto Rico pageant winner, and found NO sign of pepper spray. How could people possibly confuse this with baby powder?

+ Speaking of which, Inside Edition showed bodyguards for Britney Spears shooting pepper spray at photographers. It happened during Spears's weekend birthday party -- which at least shows she's becoming more careful about the safety and protection of her children.

+ The Spice Girls began their reunion tour - and we're happy to report pepper spray was nowhere in sight. Even though some people consider pepper a spice....

+ Inside Edition also reported Ashley Tisdale of "High School Musical" has had a nose job. In a way this isn't surprising, but in another way it's sad. Bob Hope and Jimmy Durante had pretty nice careers, without having to fix their noses.

+ Oprah Winfrey underwent acupuncture treatment on her talk show. This probably was inevitable -- because she's been needled about her weight for years.

+ AT&T announced it will phase out all pay phones by the end of the year. This will have an immediate impact on some low-income neighborhoods - as the people who can afford home phones will gain a lot of new friends.

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: An e-mail about.... mushrooms?!....

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