12 OCT 07: NIGHT OF GLORY

OK, now it's my turn to play "I Challenge Derek." I want Derek Kinkade to join me for a game of heads-up poker. And no, he doesn't have to strip if he loses....

Our title borrows from a New York tabloid's back page, after the Rangers won hockey's Stanley Cup in 1994. I claim it for myself -- because Thursday night for the first time, I was the champion of poker night at Lil Kim's Cove! I'd like to thank all the little hands which made this moment possible. The ones which the other players had, I mean....

I actually had a feeling early Thursday that the day would be special. The weather certainly was beautiful for a morning run on both sides of the river, which went almost two miles non-stop and more than three overall. But shame on the purple-shirted "downtown ambassador" at 12^th and Broadway, who claimed he wanted to trip me up.

Then in the early afternoon, I did something unusual for me and went out for lunch. I'd totally forgotten the Monopoly game was back at McDonald's - and one of my game pieces with a Big Mac brought an "instant win" of medium fries! It's not quite as good as Park Place for one million dollars, but you have to Boardwalk before you can run.

On top of that, I'd returned to Yahoo Poker online Wednesday night after taking a break for vacation - and my pretend bankroll had jumped $119 in only 24 hours. Could this be a sign of big things to come in the evening? Or would it be like other Thursday poker nights - where the only thing I brought home was the smell of cigarette smoke on my shirt?

I actually could have played real poker for real money during my vacation. I went to Panama City Beach, where the local greyhound track now has a poker room with daily cash games and regular tournaments. But to go there during an eight-day church convention?! I should be focusing on the "King of Kings...."

So I had gone three weeks without playing real people face-to-face - and there were some new faces at Lil Kim's Cove Thursday night. I sat next to a older man wearing a bandana on his head and a leather jacket -- a man who looked like he came for "Bikes on Broadway," and was still waiting for his Harley-Davidson to be detailed.

(He was a hip biker, though - wearing a cell phone on his ear during the poker game. I doubt that would be allowed in a big-time poker room. You simply aren't allowed to call time out, and consult coaches.)

In a couple of "warm up" deals, I was given five cards and allowed to swap some rummy-style to build the best hand I could. In both hands, I wound up best - first with three nines, then with a flush of five hearts. It was perfect for overinflating some players' egos.

Then the real Texas Hold 'Em tournament began. And while I didn't force the action and play aggressively, good cards kept coming my way for winning several pots. I claimed one with a diamond flush, and felt a bit like Tom Shane -- that bragging jeweler in Atlanta radio commercials.

My hands were consistently good enough to eliminate at least two players (I admittedly lost track) - and when two tables were combined into one final one, I had more chips than I'd ever gathered in four months of Thursday night games. It's a good thing I wore a ball cap, because it was the only way I could carry those chips about 30 feet.

Never had I been the chip leader before - growing from an initial 200 to more than 1,400 at the final table. And right off the bat at that final table, I took a pot with three jacks. It was all I could do to keep my "poker face" from becoming a fully-dropped jaw.

The chip leader at a poker table can push his/her weight around by making big bets against opponents. But I didn't really do that, because I hit a spurt where my cards were poor. Other players were getting cell phone calls from their wives wondering when they were coming home - but Mr. Single Guy is ready to take the slow scenic route to success.

When the final table dropped to five players, a man across from me noted I was not "being confrontational." Either he meant I was being conservative in the hands I played - or he noticed I wasn't bragging about what I planned to do with the first-place money.

But I feared the tide was turning against me when the table dropped to four players. A man to the right of me went "all in" without even looking at his cards. I happened to have a pair of tens - only to watch him turn over a pair of aces. It was like a Las Vegas casino had a visit from David Copperfield.

I took a big drop in chips by losing a couple of all-in moments, but a few smaller pots helped me hang around the top spot. I seemed to be the only person at the final table counting all my chips - in part out of disbelief, and in part to compute whether my collapse could top that of the New York Mets in September.

A husband and wife became drained of their chips and were eliminated, leaving me "heads-up" against that man to my right. Not only did I lose the all-in hand to him earlier, but I'd folded a potential flush which also could have knocked the same man out. He was hanging around much like a football team visiting Alabama.

The top two players on poker night at Lil Kim's Cove win prizes. The top prize is 50 dollars, while second place wins you a "bucket of beers." Trouble is, I don't drink beer - and neither did the man on my right. But then again, a 12-ounce can of soda there costs almost as much as a beer. It must be the special ice in the cup....

My opponent and I agreed to split the two prizes. He arranged for the bar server to write out a "coupon card" for the bucket of five beers, which was given to a grandmother who agreed to pay for them. Yes, a grandmother - but we should point she finished fifth at the final table, and admitted to everyone she's only 35.

But I wanted to play out the final showdown, and see who the real poker night champion was. My opponent decided to go along, and even went "all in" with his chips before I dealt the cards. He apparently isn't trying to build a resume, to get an endorsement deal with an online poker room....

After the cards were dealt, I decided to call my opponent's all-in bet. I had a K-8. He had a lowly 3-2. But wouldn't you know it - the "flop" of the first three cards on the table included a three, to put him in the lead with a pair. With all due respect to Phil Scoggins, sometimes threes are NOT on your side.

I flipped over the "turn" card next, and it was no help. So I needed a king or an eight on the final "river" card -- and amazingly, a king came up to win me all the chips! When those people promoting "Help the Hooch Weekend" say you can find all sorts of things in the river, believe them.

Because the man on my right split the prizes with me (his idea), we each wound up with 30 dollars. I wound up with the satisfaction of knowing I'd won a poker tournament, after months of practice and Thursday night visits to Lil Kim's Cove. And I also realize I was probably the only person at those tables who plans to tithe on his winnings.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Speaking of competitive sports (giggle), someone wants to comment on a Thursday observation....

Instant Message to the Northside High School softball team: Did I see it right on TV -- you're wearing sleeveless tanktop jerseys? Which fashion show runway did that idea come from?

Mmm.. I think all the teams have been wearing sleeveless tanktop jerseys for years.

They have?! From the checking I've done, college and national women's softball teams tend to have shirts with sleeves. Maybe this is a cost-cutting move by Muscogee County schools - and those tanktops will come back for women's basketball this winter, then track and field next spring.

Before I go clean my glasses, let's check some Thursday news of interest:

+ Former President Jimmy Carter told the PBS "NewsHour" he does NOT expect to go to Iraq, to negotiate peace between the faction leaders. I'm not sure why not - especially since Jesse Jackson has been too busy restoring order to Jena, Louisiana.

(Thursday marked five years since Mr. Carter was named a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Yet for some strange reason, the only real statue of him in Plains is that big smile on the 15-foot-high peanut.)

+ SOA Watch claimed Bolivia's government plans to end its involvement with Fort Benning's Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Of course, that all could change in a couple of years -- when Bolivia has its next military coup.

+ Chance Corbett announced he's resigning as Russell County Emergency Management Director, to take a job at Auburn University. Don't you wonder if his contract includes discount tickets to sports events - so he can enjoy games of Chance?

+ All of Russell County's judges recused themselves from the sexual harassment case involving Phenix City Council member Ray Bush. A judge will have to be brought in from another county - and if that judge is paid for all expenses, I say the jury should be as well. For once....

+ LaGrange remained unbeaten in high school football, spanking Spencer 55-6. But wow - even with that loss, Spencer's record is 3-4. The Green Wave is leaving Jordan deeply in the dust this season.

+ John Schuerholz announced he'll move from General Manager to President of Atlanta's baseball team. Schuerholz arguably is the best baseball general manager of our time, for building winning teams in Kansas City and Atlanta. The argument against that may come from Andruw Jones and his agent.

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