1 JUL 07: iDON'T THINK SO

The route home from work made it irresistible. I drove down Tenth Street around 9:00 a.m. Friday, to pass the Cingular-Has-Become-The-New-AT&T (tm) store downtown. A bright yellow chain divider was set up on the sidewalk, three police cars were in the parking lot - but no one was in line outside the door. None. Maybe the Columbus State arts students were getting their lattes first.

Where was the line in downtown Columbus for iPhones? Some places in big cities had people waiting for days - but at i-minus-nine hours, all I saw was a set of squad cars. Either police officers were buying the fancy new phones first, or they were waiting for Miss Georgia contestants to show up for a photo opportunity.

Maybe people didn't realize the iPhone was being sold at the AT&T store downtown. After all, the Cingular sign outside the building on Tenth Street was replaced by AT&T only a few days before - as if it was held hostage to that strange NASCAR lawsuit.

A drive on the north side of town during mid-afternoon presented a different story. It appeared about ten people were sitting on the sidewalk, outside the AT&T store along Whittlesey Road near Target. I say "appeared" because the store is a bit away from the road, and cars blocked my view - so it's an estimate based on open umbrellas.

No, I did NOT join the line to buy an iPhone - and I have no plan to buy one anytime soon. In fact, I don't even have an old-fashioned cellular phone. Wow, it seems strange to put "old-fashioned" and "cell phone" in the same sentence....

Yes, I know I'm now in the minority when it comes to cell phones. I read a survey the other day which said two-thirds of U.S. adults now have one. Sometimes it seems like 95 percent of the teenagers do as well....

But I don't own a cell phone for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is that I can think of only a few times when I really have needed one. My blown-out tires on business road trips last summer are good examples - but it was either buy a cell phone for me, or buy advertising promoting something hardly anyone wanted.

There have been a couple of times when I've seen drivers in trouble along the highway, and could have dialed 911 on a cell phone. But highway patrol troopers doing their jobs would have helped them eventually - at least back when there wasn't one trooper for every interstate highway in a state....

The other main reason why I don't have a cellular phone is that I'm not sure who I would call with it. I don't make that many calls from my home phone now. All my "close relatives" live hundreds of miles away. And I'm for someone to accept my blog book proposal, before I sign an agent to schedule my TV tour.

So if I don't even have a basic cell phone, why would I want to spent 500 dollars or more on an iPhone? The Apple people show off how I can send pictures with it, and adjust their size in several directions. So? At my home computer, I can move my chair a bit closer to the screen.

The iPhone also allows me to call up web sites, check e-mail, send text messages and listen to iPod music. In short, Apple is trying to move us from laptop to pocket-top. But the price is so high that most people probably will choose "pop-a-top" -- as in spending their hard-earned money on beer and soda.

So we've had the iPod and the iPhone. What sort of high-tech gadget will Apple try next? I'm prepared to offer some suggestions....

+ An extra-large device for displaying what deer hunters catch - an iRack.

+ A phone with special channels for watching sports events - called the iBalls.

+ A device so optometrists can conduct long-distance exams - called iSeeYou.

+ A hand-held scheduler of golf outings - the iFourGet.

+ An extra-small device to help students get a passing grade on tests - the i85.

BLOG UPDATE: "Who's winning?" I asked a man standing outside one of Saturday night's big events. The man was smoking a cigarette, and didn't have an answer. But I didn't really expect one - because the Miss Georgia contestants always are kept in the dark about those things.

Columbus went 0-for-2 on a big Saturday night of showdowns. Local native Chastity Hardman won two nights of preliminary events at the Miss Georgia pageant, but lost the crown to Leah Massee. Move away to compete as Miss Atlanta, and you're asking for trouble....

Then again, Leah Massee noted to WRBL she was "Miss Thomasville" at last year's Miss Georgia pageant. This year, she won the prize as "Miss Capital City." Can you spot these touring pageant contestants, by the evening gowns dangling from their car trunks?

(So much for my Big Prediction about Ashley Foster winning the Miss Georgia pageant. But can I still offer a consolation prize - and buy her dinner, with no parents present?)

By the way, I passed one of those police-led processions of Miss Georgia contestants. It went north on Veterans Parkway Saturday afternoon, as I drove home from church - and every car had lights on, as if they were heading to a funeral instead of Golden Corral.

Some people were disappointed that the Miss Georgia pageant was not televised this year. At least World Indoor Bowl I Saturday night was on local radio. For some reason, pageants with swimsuits and evening gowns don't get broadcast on radio very often....

Regular-season champion Columbus lost a heartbreaker to Augusta 63-60, in the World Indoor Football League's first championship game. It actually was more than a heartbreaker - because if I understood the WEAM-AM announcers properly, a Lions receiver broke his arm in the fourth quarter.

It was a big night for that Lions receiver, as Jarwarski Pollock caught several touchdown passes. I heard that name on radio, and could not believe my ears. I actually thought there was a football player named after former Super Bowl quarterback Ron Jaworski - but I knew better than to write any "Pollock jokes."

A Columbus Lion drive for a winning touchdown was stopped by an Augusta interception in the end zone with 3.9 seconds left. A field goal would have tied the game and forced overtime. But when you're that close to a big lottery ticket seller, I suppose you're more prone to gamble.

The attendance at the Civic Center for World Indoor Bowl I was a noisy 3,529. Despite a month of hype and preparation, thousands of seats were empty. Maybe if the Miss Georgia swimsuit competition had been moved, and held during halftime....

The World Indoor Football League's talent pool may improve next year, as the National Football League killed "N.F.L. Europe" the other day. Don't be surprised if Columbus Lions coach Jason Gibson shows up for a German class at Columbus State University.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a reader who's interested in sports and more:

-you know.........the letter written by Richard Bishop's daughter I hope is not representative of her reariing....a little more class and style would carry that spirit in her a lot further.............

Something so great as Frank's 500 and he had to go and blow the whole thing with his attitude........guess what he will be remembered more the most......again an issue for class and style........................

Be careful, now - make too much noise about that young woman, and she might come after you.

I think 20 years from now, more people will remember Frank Thomas for all those home runs than that one untimely ejection from a game. The numbers for Bobby Cox in Atlanta are somewhat reversed - and I think his career will be treated in reverse as well.

It was interesting to hear an ESPN Radio host say Thursday night he does NOT consider Frank Thomas a lock for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Despite 500 home runs, this host considered Thomas's career good, but not great - and added he's a hard player to "wrap yourself around." So?! Thomas isn't called the SMALL Hurt, after all....

Maybe if Frank Thomas actually had played in the World Series two years ago when the Chicago White Sox won it all, this radio host's opinion might be different. But Thomas was on the disabled list, and wound up leaving the team after the season. He's now in Toronto -- and hopefully his agent doesn't have to remind him to wish people a happy Canada Day today.

On this busy weekend, other things were happening as well....

+ Fort Benning held its early Independence Day celebration, featuring a concert by former "American Idol" finalist Bo Bice. The soldiers must have been stunned to see a man with hair that long, being allowed on post.

+ Columbus Police held a "relationship-building" party outside Plaza Sol on North Lumpkin Road. I saw this on TV and wondered two things. First, did anyone ask for green cards? Second, when is Sheriff Ralph Johnson planning a similar party with the NAACP?

+ Alabamians marked the first of eight days of prayers for rain, called by Governor Bob Riley. Yeow - EIGHT days of prayer?! Does Mr. Riley expect another election match against Roy Moore?

+ Auburn University's trustees approved the building of a new basketball arena. The "over-and-under" for how much Bobby Lowder will spend to have the building named after him is $2.25 million.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.75 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... skim milk for $3.59 a gallon at Target (but watch out for overcharging at the checkout).... and FREE posters of would-be Miss Georgias waiting for pick-up, around the RiverCenter....

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