9 JUL 07: A BETTER VIEW OF HEAVEN

The e-mail reached us late Friday, and caught us quite off-guard:

what is the info on the cave in of the Maranatha Church on Double Churches Road?

It was the first I'd heard about a "cave-in" at a church -- unless some "Primitive Baptists" were getting REALLY primitive, as in Old Testament....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: The Maranatha Baptist Church in Columbus is holding services in its gymnasium, after part of the sanctuary roof caved in about three weeks ago. This is different from Maranatha Baptist in Plains, the church former President Carter attends - where Habitat for Humanity teams already might have built a new ceiling.

Your blog is the first media outlet to see and show the damage at Maranatha Baptist, at Double Churches and Willett Roads. Part of the roof came down on the pulpit area, late on a Friday night in June. The damage still sat there Sunday, apparently because insurance companies are working out a settlement. Are the agents THAT busy watching for hurricanes to land?

Emory Alexander was cleaning the church with his wife on that Friday night in June. He told me Sunday they finished the sanctuary about 20 minutes before he heard a noise, as he worked in another part of the building. There was no service in progress, so it couldn't have been the Holy Spirit that was falling....

Emory Alexander says the damage started with one piece of broken sheetrock on the floor. But as the minutes went on, the cave-in mounted. There's still a ceiling fan amid the debris, where part of the roof collapsed - which I guess means it's now a floor fan, isn't it?

Emory Alexander pointed out to me how some of the eaves warped, on the outside of the Maranatha Baptist Church sanctuary. This may be evidence of Satanic activity - since the devil is blamed for warped thinking in entertainment all the time.

At first glance, you might think Maranatha Baptist Church's damage was the result of the March tornado. But Emory Alexander says the building seemed to survive that storm without a scratch, so exactly what happened in June remains unclear. Could it be that Someone used the law of gravity, to suggest another Law be taught?

Maranatha Baptist Church members were busy until after midnight on that Friday night, moving pews and other items from the sanctuary to the gymnasium. It's a good thing the board took that "Double Churches" name seriously several years ago....

Emory Alexander assured me the church still is meeting in the gymnasium, at its usual times throughout the week. How long it will be there is unclear -- as rebuilding apparently is in the hands of the insurance company right now. No wonder I heard a minister preach last year that insurance agents won't exist in the Kingdom of God. [True!]

The Pastor of Maranatha Baptist Church was out of town Sunday. I didn't catch the name of the guest preacher, but he came across as quite an entertainer. Here are some of the one-liners he said during his sermon:

+ Some men are so into deer hunting, "your wives can't find you in the backyard for all your camouflage."

+ He looks forward to the sanctuary being rebuilt, because the gymnasium felt freezing cold. "I'm not moving around because I'm excited; I'm trying to stay warm."

+ Some Baptist men are taught "you train your wife like you would train a dog."

+ He admitted he should have had a crooked nose when he was young, from being put in school corners for rebellious behavior. Then he added: "I don't know what that has to do with my sermon - but isn't God good?"

P.S. I made sure to take a Bible, to cover the story at Maranatha Baptist Church. You never know when a member might walk up to you after a service, and ask if you're born again.

BLOG UPDATE: "Columbus, Georgia won't let you live down anything." So Stephen King told me Sunday, as he offered the latest round in a discussion over Thunder on the Hooch. Suddenly I feel like repenting, over half the jokes I've written here....

Stephen King called me after e-mailing a couple of documents relating to Independence Day fireworks shows of years past. One was a 1997 thank-you note of praise from Bridgette Herring, who then managed the Phenix City Amphitheater. This was back when it was merely the "God and Country Celebration" - and all the city of Columbus did was fence off part of the Riverwalk, so no one would be hurt.

The other document sent by Stephen King was a 1999 note from then-Phenix City Parks Director Max Wilkes. It claimed that year's fireworks show brought complaints about viewers "getting hit, or even slightly burned from shells and debris" - but King told me his fireworks shows never have hurt anyone. Sometimes you don't notice the sunburn until hours later, you know....

The Max Wilkes note admitted there was "a problem with the firing boards" in 1999 - but added Stephen King's fireworks show "had some beautiful effects." They happened about 20 minutes earlier than planned, but at least they happened.

Max Wilkes also noted the 1999 fireworks crew had to deal with a "storm front," which Stephen King says resulted in shifting winds at the last minute. Since then, of course, Wilkes has felt the wind shifts on a personal level - and he's suing Phenix City because of that.

This part of the 1999 letter from Max Wilkes struck me as interesting:

Third, the news media seemed to love offering apologies to all of the viewers for the mishap with the finale. This is a large disappointment to the City of Phenix City Management. Whether or not any apologies were owed should have been up to the discretion of City Management since we were paying for the show.

I don't recall if Phenix City ever issued an apology or not. But the letter indicates Stephen King was paid for the fireworks -- instead of the check being ceremonially launched into the Chattahoochee River.

Stephen King went on to clarify that his company hasn't really been "outbid" for recent shows at Thunder on the Hooch. Instead, he indicated the organizers are avoiding his company based on what happened in 1999. Maybe that's a Columbus custom - since S.O.A. Watch has kept a grudge even longer than that.

By the way, Stephen King says his fireworks show at the "Redneck Games" in East Dublin, Georgia went well this weekend - with no rain falling until almost all his gear was put away. He did NOT tell me how many spectators walked up to him afterward, to inhale some of the smoke.

Now let's stop partying like it's 1999, and consider news headlines from this 2007 weekend:

+ Oxbow Meadows held its annual "Insectival," where people let insects crawl on them. Of course, some of us don't have to go to Oxbow Meadows for this thrill. We're the ones whose landlords don't hire exterminators.

+ One-time self-proclaimed JonBenet Ramsey killer John Mark Karr was arrested in Atlanta, on charges of beating his father and girlfriend. When Karr enters a plea in court, expect the judge to ask: "Is that your final answer?"

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Georgia head football coach Mark Richt recently took a missionary trip to Honduras. Bulldog fans read the article and were left frustrated - because it never said if Richt recruited any place-kickers.

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