6 JUL 07: THE BIG PILE-UP
What sort of picture does our title bring to mind? A multi-car crash on an Atlanta interstate? A fumble in football? We're actually talking about another kind of pile-up: a big pile of trash. But don't worry -- I think criminals doing community service picked up everything from "Thunder on the Hooch."
BLOG EXCLUSIVE: A Hurtsboro city official confirmed to your blog Thursday that garbage once again was not picked up for more than a week. This makes two delays in trash pickup there in 60 days [21 May]. Of course, those of us who only take trash to the curb once a month probably wouldn't notice a difference...
This time the Hurtsboro city trash truck is fine, but the staffing is not -- as I'm told there's no one qualified to drive the truck. This wouldn't stop crews on a lot of South Georgia farms....
The Hurtsboro Town Clerk named Shavaun (she didn't tell me her last name) explained the city Utility Supervisor quit, and he was the only person on the city payroll with a CDL license to drive the trash truck. This is why they need to build Interstate 12 -- to persuade independent truck drivers to stop in Hurtsboro and earn some fast money.
As in May, Sunflower Waste of Tallassee was called in this week to help. The Hurtsboro Town Clerk says a full city dumpster should have been replaced with a new one Thursday. I assume you can tell the difference by measuring the square inches of rust inside...
Shavaun told me the Hurtsboro Court Clerk's garbage was picked up by Sunflower Waste Wednesday. Yes, they had service on Independence Day -- while Columbus jail inmates who handle trash had a day off, presumably to celebrate our freedoms.
Can you guess who might have tipped us off to this trashy problem in Hurtsboro? Uh-huh - as he sent us a copy of an apparent open letter to the mayor:
Well well! It was bound to happen. Most problems just don't go away or fix themselves. "Hurt'sboro's Mayor seems to think that; "If I sleep on this. In the morning all those trash cans will magically vanish!"
Sorry maam; it just aint goin' to happen! The only magic in "Hurt'sboro is your routine disappearance whenever there's a crisis. I feel sorry for Jannie Jordan (Mayor Pro-Tem) she takes the "heat" when you are out of the kitchen.
As things stand - garbage that's been stagnating since last Teusday (6/26/07) will have a chance to simmer until at least 7/5/07 That's the earliest that you will be able to wave your "magic" wand and conjure up a roadworthy garbage truck and a qualified driver. I'm willing to take a bet that the trash will be there over the upcoming weekend!
It'sunfortunate that the citizens of "Hurt'sboro have to suffer the consequences of your incompetance. You have been offered several realistic solutions to this and other problems. And yet you refuse!
It's becoming more and more obvious that you are the biggest problem in "Hurt'sboro!
Constable R.J. Schweiger....
He should be thankful I only play at free poker tables. Else I might have taken the Constable up on his bet - and made him buy me lunch at some Hurtsboro restaurant he can't stand.
Even city mayors are allowed to go on vacation from time to time, aren't they? I mean, Bob Poydasheff and his wife took trips to Europe when he was Mayor of Columbus. I think he brought back as many jobs as Muscogee County School Board member John Wells will after he runs with the bulls in Spain.
Perhaps R.J. Schweiger can use his connections as an elected official to find a new Utility Supervisor for Hurtsboro. Or maybe when he's heading home from another complaint session with Russell County officials, he can pull into the truck stop on U.S. 431 and recruit qualified drivers.
By the way, I asked Shavaun at the Town Hall if anything else of note was going on in Hurtsboro. It was an open question, where she could have offered me good news or bad - but she couldn't think of anything else to add. So after the trash is picked up, I guess the town will go back to waiting for hunting season.
BLOG UPDATE: Maybe I'm getting better at this poker thing. Thursday night at Lil Kim's Cove was my best outing so far, finishing fifth out of about 15 players at two tables. But a neighbor knocked my big cup of Diet Coke onto the table in the middle of a hand -- and even with one calorie, it still left just as big a mess.
(So I wound up going "all-in" three times while playing poker Thursday night. I won one of them, lost one of them to be eliminated - and the third was from putting my drink at the edge of the table.)
OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A group of teenagers is at a big Columbus department store, and reminding us of two recent e-mails:
"When you say gay, do you mean 'gay' gay - or just gay?"
While you ponder that deep question, we'll check some Thursday news developments:
+ Staff members at the Columbus Public Library confirmed to the blog that the café on the ground floor has closed for the time being. It may reopen if a new manager can be found -- but in the meantime, I hope the recipe for the café's tasty brownies was stored in a book on the second floor.
+ Our sympathies to the family of the late Carmike Cinemas co-founder Carl Patrick. For some reason, they don't give Academy Awards to the theaters which show movies. They could make an exception in Patrick's case - unless Mr. Regal at Regal Cinemas finds out, and demands the top chain goes first.
+ Columbus Police reported a driver crashed through the front door of a dental office on Peacock Avenue. Apparently no one was injured - but for some reason, TV news reports never revealed the status of the driver's teeth.
+ WRBL showed a new electronic sign above U.S. 280 in Cusseta, which measures a driver's speed. In metro Atlanta, the overhead signs warn you of potential slowdowns and wrecks - instead of something speeding drivers already know.
+ The late-night news interviewed several brides who are being married Saturday, on "7-7-07." The Hotel at Auburn University reports it's been swamped with reservation requests for that date since January -- leaving me wondering if they marked up the prices 77 percent.
+ Alabama Power announced because of the drought, lake levels across the state will be reduced to very low levels in late July. So which Baptist church will be the first to hold a "walking on the water" service?
+ Instant Message to everyone at the Wimbledon tennis tournament: Will you please be respectful, and quiet down during points? We've made an audio clip to illustrate what we mean - and no, we're not talking to the fans....
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $2.99 a gallon at Walgreens.... FREE air-conditioned sermons at the Jehovah's Witness district convention at the Civic Center (no collections taken).... but no, we will NOT recommend picking 7-7-7 in Cash 3 Saturday....
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