20 JUL 07: FAIR TO MIDDLIN'

"In another six months, I'll lose my house, I'll lose my car, I'll lose my truck...." I overheard a man say this Thursday - but no, he was NOT begging on a Columbus street corner. Considering the blue suit he wore, it would have been much too hot and humid to do that....

The man in the blue suit was one of many people who were hunting for jobs in Columbus Thursday. The University of Phoenix held its second annual career fair, at its small strip-mall "campus" on Hamilton Road. I put campus in quotes, because the nearby Rivertown School of Beauty looks like it has more space.

So many people were expected for the career fair that Rivertown School of Beauty roped off special parking spaces for its customers. I'm not sure why the school didn't join in a partnership with the fair - offering to make women picture-perfect for their on-the-spot interviews.

It had been more than a decade since I visited a career fair. In fact, I think the last one I attended in Atlanta was called a "job fair." Maybe today's employers are offering hiring bonuses and four-year contracts....

Since the career fair at the University of Phoenix received so much attention, I decided to stop by and see what it's all about. To make sure I wouldn't attract attention, I wore a suit and tie - which of course meant I outdressed most of the men behind the booth tables.

The parking lot on Hamilton Road was so full, I had to join several other drivers in parking on the street. A few cars could have been ticketed for double-parking - but the Albany Police car at the shopping center apparently was only there for show.

Dozens of potential employers had booths set up at the career fair. I didn't write down all their names, but in most cases I didn't have to. You simply pick up the business cards - and collect enough ballpoint pens to last through the end of 2008.

Several colleges and universities had booths set up Thursday - but their purpose seemed more to recruit students than hire employees. And I didn't see anyone dressed casually enough to be majoring in "avoiding the real world."

(One notable exception was Beacon University - which is strange, because you'd think a career fair could double as a tool of evangelism.)

Several police departments also had booths at the career fair -- from Columbus and Phenix City to Albany and Atlanta. Mayor Jim Wetherington will want to know that unlike a few years ago, I didn't see any uniformed officers filling out applications.

The Phenix City Police booth lists its job requirements -- and since that's been an issue here recently, I gave it a close look. That department also emphasizes a record free of convictions, instead of simply charges. Phenix City even dares to post its starting salary - even though Columbus Police beats it by about $4,000.

Plenty of booths at the career fair focused on a search for nurses. Several hospitals were there - yet Summit Hospital in Phenix City was not. I suppose the reason for that is obvious....

Then there was the Columbus company we're keeping nameless, whose employees didn't realize until I mentioned it that their booth sign misspelled the word "satisfaction." No, I was NOT offered a proofreader job on the spot.

If I was handing out blue ribbons at Thursday's career fair the way they do at county fairs, some of the award-winners would be....

+ Most star power: Clear Channel Radio. Its booth had Scott Miller from WDAK and Chris Chaos from WVRK "Rock 103" - yet they were looking for salespeople, not talk show hosts.

+ Most unusual job opening: Fort Benning -- because one of its lists showed the Army is looking for a bartender.

+ Most curious division: Separate booths for Columbus Police and the Muscogee County Sheriff's Department. Does the department with fewer resumes have to buy doughnuts next week?

+ Best giveaway: Afni Services. The Opelika temporary employment firm had big baked cookies - which sure beats small breath mints.

BLOG UPDATE: One well-known man who might need upcoming career fairs is John Painter. The Lee County School Superintendent was effectively fired by the school board Thursday night, by being moved to a "special assistant" job until his contract runs out in 2010. If Painter worked for the New York Yankees, he could still come back as Superintendent at any moment.

The Lee County School Board was quite divided on brushing John Painter (pun) off to the side. Four members were in favor. One was against. One abstained. And one member was missing -- leaving reporters to wonder if someone else went with John Wells on that bull-running trip to Spain.

(At least John Painter wasn't completely fired. Then we could have borrowed a recent sports cliche, and say he was shoved under the school bus.)

School Board members wouldn't be specific about why Superintendent John Painter was hung out to dry (pun #2). But TV news reports hinted the big issue may have involved base realignment, and the need to build new schools in Smiths Station and Beulah. Skeptics won't believe there's a problem until portables are parked outside Lee-Scott Academy.

So what else happened Thursday? Plenty of things, actually....

+ Muscogee County Sheriff's Deputies broke up a drug deal at the McDonald's on Buena Vista Road. It ended with a red Mustang upside down in the restaurant parking lot. The late Ray Kroc would have jumped on this moment, borrowed from an old radio gimmick - and posted a sign saying, "I flipped for a Big Mac."

(Deputy Joe McCraa says officers arrested a man selling four ounces of marijuana for $325. Well, what better place to deal in quarter-pounders than at a McDonald's?)

+ WRBL reported on a Manchester Expressway Chevron station selling gasoline for $2.66 a gallon - and apparently overlooked the two Circle K stores down the street with a lower price of $2.62. Try to avoid driving to save money on gas, and you can miss REAL savings on gas.

+ Pioneer Little League won the Georgia nine-and-ten-year-old state softball title. Maybe this will end the recent war of words among parents. Maybe they'll follow the lead of the winning softball pitcher - and match her no-hitter with no errors.

(There's a lesson to be learned here, by sports fans of all ages. It doesn't take much to turn "winning" into "whining.")

+ Auburn University announced it's reported 13 violations of NCAA rules. They included three in football, and one in the equestrian program. Equestrian?!?! What did the coaching staff do - offer too much hay to a horse?

+ Nike announced it's suspending release of the new "Air Zoom Vick Five" shoe. This raises an important question - where's Michael Vick's brother Marcus right now? Is he too busy to take over the public relations tour?

(Maybe Nike smelled the indictment of Michael Vick coming -- because Vick wears number seven, not five.)

+ Instant Message to Dillard's at Peachtree Mall: You're kidding, right? You once had pairs of socks priced to sell for $39.50 - ONE pair of men's socks?! I mean, they weren't even autographed by Barry Bonds....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Soul-searching and some e-mail about that apology by the mayor....

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