for 29 JUN 07: BOOKS WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE

Columbus South needs a lot of things - but one thing which would be nice is some kind of bookstore. It might not even need to have a coffee bar attached. For Fort Benning soldiers, all it might need are cans of Red Bull....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #10: "How're you doing?" asked an older man as he literally shuffled toward me at a South Lumpkin Road laundry the other day. I was OK, waiting on clothes in the dryer while I read "Eco Latino" - a weekly paper which sometimes is equally as dry.

"Want to buy some books?" The older man mumbled this so quietly that I didn't really hear him until the second time he asked. The door-to-door encyclopedia salesmen of my youth tended to be a little more dynamic than this.

The sight of someone selling unusual things at a laundry isn't really new to me. I recall one place on the west side of Atlanta where a man went through the aisles selling VHS movies. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't tend to go to the laundromat to buy movies - just like I don't walk into Blockbuster and ask where the clothes dryers are.

I should have known trouble was coming when the man's "books" were wrapped inside an issue of Eco Latino. Add to that the fact that he was mumbling, and I wondered if he had some secret audit of a Columbus city department....

Then the man opened his "books" - and sure enough, it was trouble. He showed me a (ahem) very topless woman. Topless as in the old Groucho Marx line: "When you've seen two, you've seen 'em all."

"NOOOO!" I said immediately in a medium-loud voice to the man. "I'm a Christian!" Yes, I know - some well-known Christians have been caught with X-rated materials. But I'm one of those weirdos who would only look inside a September issue of "Playboy" for the college football predictions.

The older man stepped away for a moment, as if lightning was about to strike for what he had done. It didn't. In fact, I went back to my copy of Eco Latino - assuming he'd go down the strip mall and try again at someplace like a beauty salon.

But in a moment, the man approached me again. "I'm sorry," he said, still murmuring. "I'm just trying to get me a couple of dollars, so I can get something to eat." I'm honestly not sure if old X-rated magazines are considered collectibles - and I'm not about to go online to check.

Regular blog readers know under ordinary circumstances, I might have bought this man lunch. But this case was far from ordinary. For one thing, what if he had an accomplice waiting for me to steal my clothes once I walked outside?

"I accept your apology," I told the man - and perhaps "apology" is being a bit generous. "But you don't go around selling porn to raise money. Especially when it's not yours, since I seriously doubt you made it." That one page he showed me was simply too glossy.

The beggar had disqualified himself on this day, by stooping to sell items which I think most people still consider offensive. But then again, I don't know how many people in Columbus subscribe to Home Box Office....

In fact, this beggar reminded me of someone you might find shuffling down the sidewalk in a large city like New York. If it wasn't Columbus in June, he probably would have been wearing a long raincoat - and in more ways than one, he still would have been a "Hustler."

E-MAIL UPDATE: We hear again today from the daughter of Richard Bishop, the President of Uptown Columbus Inc.:

Mr. Burkard,

All i was trying to say [27 Jun] was that for you to make such big assumptions and mock my fathers work with out actually knowing what he does, is wrong... Because if you think that picking out "sidewalk patters", is all he does you are very misleaded. I am glad that you can use sarcasm as your defense, but the truth is, you are wrong, Along with the rest of the "bloggers". I do look past myspace, i don't have a facebook :). I do see old men writing blogs, but that doesn't mean that its not a waste of time. You may be old, but i know you understand what i mean when i say GAY; lame, stupid, awkward?. AND. about the ATV's. there are fences...right in our backyard. AND furthermore, there is a thing called sound ordinance, and it doesn't matter if its on your land or not. If there is an excessive sound within the limits of the city and is a condition which has ex isted for some time and the amount and intensity of such sound is increasing, and such excessive sound is detrimental to the public health, safety, welfare and quality of life of the residents of the City, then it will be known as a noise ordinance. Let me help you learn :

Noises which classify as disturbances are regulated by the Noise Ordinance. A noise disturbance is sound that meets any of these three criteria: Disturbs a resonable person or sensibility, Exeeds the sounds level set forth in the ordinance as measured by a sounds level meter, and is plainly audible, which is defined as the noise can be heard at a minimum of 200 feet from the PROPERTY line of the source of the noise- this type of noise includes; loud amplified music, televisions, radios, human voices, etc.

Now, thats why we had a problem with their ATV's running behind our house. and YES anyone can complain about noise, and we did. i am glad you complained about the graduation party, BUT that was one night. This was a more than one time thing.

P.S bloggers...if you think that your taste in music is so cool, then why don't you quit blogging about it and maybe give some input to Uptown. You can not always please everyone is this town when it comes to music taste, so don't expect that when music comes downtown that it will be that band you specifically wanted. Complaining about everything on a blog site isn't going to change anything. but...WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT...i guess?

Of course, Richard Bishop does more than choose sidewalk patterns on Broadway. He's supposedly going to be choosing singers -- and before you know it, he might be recommending a mixed drink of the month.

Oh dear -- I've become an "old man" writing a blog. Add that to my weekly trips to church and occasional poker nights, and the only thing I'm lacking is a recreational vehicle to spend my winters somewhere south of Tampa.

No, I didn't realize the word "gay" now refers to something "stupid" or "awkward." I hope this teenager didn't go to Atlanta last weekend, and try to convince people in the "Pride Parade" of that.

But to be clear: I was NOT the one who complained to police about the graduation party years ago. Someone simply told me about it. I've never called police about my neighbors turning up FM radios on weekends - maybe because they all seem to agree on the same station.

So should I audition to be a street singer on Broadway? Am I the sort of person Richard Bishop and his fellow evaluators are after? Should I add a twang to my voice, so I stand out from all the rock acts?

Someone else would like to respond to Richard Bishop's daughter....

I'm glad Katie Bishop said she was a teenager,otherwise I would have never known...haha...It's great to see a teen take up for her dad. However,it would be even better if she had checked the facts before writing...Factual info would certainly have given her dishing of the blog more "boom boom.".....I enjoy the blog and read it every day to keep up with the feelings of the community...even teen feelings..

Thank you for the kind.... hey, wait a minute! What's this "boom boom" stuff? Did someone from Fireworks Outlet send a hidden advertisement here?

Our last e-mail today is a follow-up to one we posted Thursday, about cars for the Miss Georgia pageant:

I saw that you published my email warning about the pageant convoys. It doesn't matter what kind of marking the car has when it pulls out in front of you at 20 MPH with no warning!

So for the next few days, look all around you before crossing an intersection -- because Miss Onion Capital might not miss you.

We appreciate all of your comments, and now let's flip through the Thursday news scripts:

+ WRBL reported a verbal compromise was reached on the land around the central library. The Library Board budget will be revised, to provide more money for landscaping. It's a wonder Trees Columbus hasn't stepped into this debate, to demand a minimum number of pines and dogwoods.

+ Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman was sentenced to more than seven years in prison for corruption. So does he automatically get the old cell of Guy Hunt?

(Former HealthSouth chief executive Richard Scrushy received a sentence of more than six years in the same case. Scrushy told reporters it's "not American to take responsibility for something you didn't do." It may not be American, but this would-be minister ought to know it's downright godly.)

+ Lanett Police reported a man had his window air conditioner stolen, apparently from his home. Maybe we need some kind of time-sharing agreement during the summer, with three or four neighbors passing the same unit back and forth. We could promote it: "It takes a village to keep your cool."

+ The AT&T store on Tenth Street announced it will close for a couple of hours Friday afternoon, then reopen at 6:00 p.m. to begin selling iPhones. At about 600 dollars each, you'll be able to spot the downtown attorneys with the most disposable income.

+ Columbus Airport officials admitted to WRBL they've been turned down for service by American Airlines. Maybe the airport commission didn't offer enough incentives. After all, American could use a third sports arena to go with Dallas and Miami....

+ Georgia Tech basketball player Javaris Crittenton was drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers. It shouldn't be difficult for him to find his role. Simply pass the ball to Kobe Bryant, until Bryant's no longer with the team.

(The Atlanta Hawks made Florida's Al Horford their top draft pick. This makes three years in a row that Atlanta has drafted a power forward first - and if they keep doing it, they're bound to find a Tim Duncan sooner or later.)

+ Instant Message to Frank Thomas: Congratulations on hitting your 500^th career home run Thursday! But c'mon - getting ejected in the ninth inning?! Are you going after Bobby Cox's record next?

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