13 JUN 07: THE WAITING ROOM IS THE HARDEST PART

"You're great." Those were the first two words the doctor said, when she opened the examination room late Tuesday afternoon. Such a simple diagnosis, for a payment of more than 100 dollars....

I'm thrilled to say Tuesday marked my fourth and final trip to an Urgent Care center, for treatment of my pneumonia. I was asked to make the fourth trip for a follow-up chest X-ray, to make sure all the fluid is out of my lungs. That's why I didn't dare drink water while I was in the waiting room.

But the big story of Tuesday's trip to the Urgent Care center was how long I spent in the waiting room. I arrived at 2:20 p.m., but didn't go to the back room for basic tests until around 4:45. Why, I've seen college baseball games which took less time than this....

The waiting room was almost filled with people when I arrived. It seemed crowded for a Tuesday afternoon - and none of the patients appeared to have tree limbs stuck in their bodies, from the thunderstorms.

At the check-in window, I noticed a sign I hadn't seen before. It said people with appointments for workers' compensation cases get priority over "urgent care" patients. Then maybe this clinic needs to use a synonym for urgent -- and call itself a "heartfelt" or "dire" care center.

A few men brought backpacks with them to the Urgent Care center. This seemed unusual, and a bit disturbing. Either they expected the service to be so slow that they needed a change of clothes -- or they had a long walk, after crashing during the Bike Ride Across Georgia.

The waiting room at the Urgent Care center has a vending machine offering cans of famous-name soda. "It's 60 cents," one man said to another.

"I remember when they used to cost a quarter," the other man said.

"You don't look that old," I said to the second man who approached the machine.

"I'm 31."

The 31-year-old man went on from there, to reflect on how inexpensive other items used to be. It was amazing how someone so young was already practicing the "bringing up teenagers" speeches.

(Actually, there are a few places in Columbus where you still can get a can of soda for 25 cents. But it's getting harder to find those vending machines of store-brand soda at Wal-Mart and Kroger....)

My only contact with the waiting room staff for almost two-and-a-half hours came shortly before 3:00. A woman had me hand over my driver's license, because she couldn't read what I had written on the check-in papers. And I even used plain block letters, like I was entering a sweepstakes.

The crowd seemed to be quietest at 3:40, when Fox News anchor Shepard Smith talked on the waiting room TV about a mid-1990's proposal in the military. Someone suggested dropping a "gay bomb" with aphrodisiacs on enemy forces, so they would make love to each other instead of fighting U.S. soldiers. If the enemy had dropped this on President Clinton first, it might have been even more dangerous.

But at last I was allowed to enter the back area of the clinic. My vital signs seemed normal, except for my weight. I'd filled out one of those online health surveys on Monday, and discovered the scale at the clinic showed me six pounds heavier than the one in my bathroom. Maybe if I'd removed my wallet - and avoided going to the bank first....

I was sent to an exam room, and finally found what I'd needed for a couple of hours. I could lay back and try to sleep on the padded exam table. I almost nodded off a couple of times in the waiting room chair -- and if I missed the staff calling my name, I might have sat there all night long.

"How are you doing?" the doctor asked a few minutes after I landed on the exam room table -- and as I reclined on my back.

"I'll tell you as soon as I can get up."

The update was good for the doctor. There's no shortness of breath anymore. The coughing and spitting up of fluid only seem to happen at the end of my jogging time. And the symptom of sweating - well c'mon, it's mid-June in the South....

The doctor confirmed for me what a man at church told me last weekend. Several physicians in the Columbus area postponed spring vacations, because there was a large number of "walking pneumonia" cases. Those fancy hotels in Cozumel apparently don't have the right Internet hookup for exams.

After a breathing test, I walked to the X-ray room - and the results turned out fine. There's no more fluid in my chest. And I'm not the type of person who jogs outside without a T-shirt, to encourage any false reports.

With my body "back to normal" (the doctor's words), I was asked to head back to the waiting room while the paperwork was prepared. At about 5:50, there wasn't a crowd there anymore - yet I wound up waiting another 25 minutes. That made it a four-hour trip to the Urgent Care clinic. No wonder the sign outside doesn't promise to be "quick" anymore.

My long afternoon at the doctor meant missing out on a lot of local news. But here's what we noticed....

+ The official gauge at the Columbus Airport measured 2.51 inches of rain from a night of thunderstorms -- and amazingly, storm damage in the nearby Windsor Park subdivision looked like it totaled $25,100.

(Another line of thunderstorms reached Columbus around midnight Tuesday night, at our post time. Only two or three more of these, and area farmers will have something new to complain about - that it's too wet to plant their peanuts.)

+ Columbus Council approved a fiscal 2008 budget. Amazingly, there was little debate and fuming compared with recent years. Perhaps Mayor Jim Wetherington has told the police officers to go work on cold cases.

+ A drive down Manchester Expressway revealed Matt's Catfish and Steakhouse has suddenly closed. The people next door at Dunkin Donuts probably don't mind - because it means more open parking spaces on weekend mornings.

(Matt's Catfish and Steakhouse opened only a few months ago, on the site of the original B. Merrill's. It even had special nights when the spouses and children of deployed soldiers could eat for free. Don't tell me this restaurant failure will be blamed on President Bush....)

+ WKCN-FM afternoon host Terry T declared on the air he's getting a tattoo today. So why not have it done live in the studio? Does Archway Broadcasting only allow screaming announcers on WCGQ?

+ Instant Message to WLTZ NBC-38: It only makes sense that you're showing the U.S. Open golf tournament this weekend. After all, you've just finished replacing your Devitt....

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