for 27 JAN 07: TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

When I was young, my first successful efforts at talent shows involved impersonations. Believe it or not, I imitated the strange singer Tiny Tim -- wearing a wig, carrying a ukelele and singing "Tiptoe Through the Tulips." In grade school. And even more amazing in 2007 - no one came after me with slurs about my sexuality.

Then in junior high school, I became a big fan of ABC sportscaster Howard Cosell. His voice was easy for me to imitate. And I knew enough big words that I could baffle even grownups from time to time with what I said.

How big was my support of Howard Cosell? When a Kansas City public television station held its annual fund-raising auction, one item on the block was a Cosell-autographed pair... of underwear. I was actually the second-highest bidder, but the top bidder backed out -- so I claimed a truly unusual collectible, years before people put pictures of Jesus on toast.

Howard Cosell died several years ago, so my pair of autographed undies continues to increase in value. But I can still imitate him fairly.... well, I'll let you decide if it's fairly well or not. Cosell is this week's voice, in our Saturday series on how sportscasters might broadcast the return of Jesus Christ. As even Cosell would point out -- obviously, this one is much more hypothetical than usual.

COMING SUNDAY: Wal-Mart admits to a big mistake....

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