for 26 JAN 07: WAL- TO WALL?

"Congested Park Crossing" is how one East Alabama blogger is describing the shopping area around Whittlesey Boulevard these days. Reports in the newspaper and on TV are adding to that reputation. It's almost tempting to adapt the Yogi Berra line, and suggest people stop shopping there anymore until it's less crowded.

But some of us are undaunted by all these reports. I went to the Columbus Park Crossing area Thursday - a morning which focused on food, and featured my first trip to the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter. You may be amazed to learn I made it home by 12:15 p.m. And none of the frozen foods melted badly at all.

What's that you're saying - I went to Whittlesey at the wrong time? You say I should go in the late afternoon, when there are more cars? No, I actually went at the RIGHT time. Maybe it's time you changed your schedule habits - or convince the boss to let you work later every evening, to miss the crowds.

My original plan was to visit the Wal-Mart SuperCenter Friday afternoon, on my usual grocery day. But I moved it up, because another invitation for a free breakfast came in the mail from Sam's Club. It was the second free meal in nine days - putting my church congregation to shame, for only having potluck dinners once a month.

The Sam's Club "Business Event" occurred from 7:00 to 10:00 a.m. So not wanting to appear too greedy, I arrived around 8:45 a.m. - and followed hardly any cars down Whittlesey Boulevard and into the parking lot. There wasn't even an SUV driver around, showing off his horsepower by racing around me.

(By the way, I noticed a METRA bus stop on Whittlesey Boulevard at the side of Sam's Club. So you don't have to add to a crowd of cars to shop there. In fact, this is one "business club" a METRA rider actually might find affordable.)

The Sam's Club parking lot seemed much emptier from a week before - and the store certainly was, in terms of customers. The prices didn't appear to have changed in nine days. So maybe I wasn't the only one who showed up last week for the free samples of cheesecake.

There were some discoveries at Sam's Club which I didn't notice the first time around:

+ Bill Heard Chevrolet sells cars at a ten-percent discount. This apparently gives the company the right to put large four-by-fours by the door, despite a clear "no parking" sign.

+ A couple of tables had displays of "water shorts." Some of us can remember when these things were called swim trunks.

+ The spice aisle has a "Canadian Steak Seasoning." I've never heard of a Canadian steak, and the ingredient list didn't mention maple at all. So is it made with ground-up hockey pucks?

I decided to buy something at Sam's Club this time, so I wouldn't be a complete moocher. That's when I realized something I hadn't noticed last week: the cashiers don't put what you buy in bags. There were empty boxes piled up around the checkout lanes -- making Family Dollar stores look upscale by comparison.

The free continental breakfast at Sam's Club also was "downsized" a bit from the week before. There were honey buns and cinnamon rolls, but no muffins. Maybe the early crowd read this blog about the chocolate chip muffins [18 Jan] and beat me to them.

An extra honey bun "for the road" was put in my used chocolate bar box with a giant bag of tortilla chips, and a small promotional Sam's Club "goodie bag." I received one of these last week as well, so let's compare....

+ Last week: Three pens (one a permanent marker), a "purple glue stick," a sheet protector, a mid-sized note pad, two sheets of matte photo paper, a travel-sized package of Kleenex - and a Rubbermaid spatula. I guess they want me to write down my recipes, stick the recipes in the sheet protector, then take pictures of the cakes I bake.

(Why does anyone need a PURPLE glue stick, anyway? If you can see the color of the glue after doing the work, isn't that a sign of trouble?)

+ This week: Two pens (one a permanent marker), a regular-colored glue stick, a CD-Rom for making labels, a refrigerator magnet promoting canned foods, a sample of disinfecting wipes - and a "Commercial Cleaning Sample Kit." Now I have some heavy duty degreaser. All I need next is a box of fried chicken.

Next stop: no, NOT the Wal-Mart SuperCenter next door. A couple of other tasks awaited me - and after a free breakfast, it was only fitting that I go to Beacon University to study someone's questions about an article I wrote on gluttony.

By following the arrows in the Sam's Club parking lot, I was able to get out on Whittlesey Boulevard fairly easily. There's only one main entrance with a traffic light to the "Wal-Mart complex." That's been good enough on U.S. 280 in Phenix City for nine years - so Columbus shoppers should realize it only SEEMS as big as a mall.

After an hour in the books at the Beacon University library and another errand on Weems Road, it was finally time to shop at the new Wal-Mart. The traffic reaching the store still wasn't that bad. In fact, the clogs came from confused drivers ignoring the arrows in the parking lot and going the wrong direction.

The North Columbus Wal-Mart is laid out similar to the Phenix City SuperCenter. But while Phenix City has a Blimpie restaurant tucked in the back, North Columbus has a McDonald's right up front by a main door. So if you shop for groceries on an empty stomach and buy more than you planned, you only have yourself to blame.

One advantage of the North Columbus Wal-Mart is that more traditional "grocery store" items such as detergent and candy are on the food side. They're in the center area in Phenix City. But as a result, there are more food aisles in North Columbus -- and they seem to be narrower, to make drivers complaining about Whittlesey Boulevard traffic feel right at home.

(A convoy of three shopping carts passed me in one narrow aisle - and I told the man pushing the third cart it's good to have drafting partners, like at the NASCAR races.)

Another disadvantage of the new Wal-Mart is that the aisle signs above the food section are parallel to the aisles. In most grocery stores, they're perpendicular. So if you get distracted by a whining two-year-old in a cart, you might miss what you're after.

But while the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter has thousands of items, I met one customer who was frustrated. "You know how an item is advertised, and then you go to the store and they don't have it?" a woman told me after surveying a wall of crackers. Oh yes, I know - and Rachael Ray should call the managers about those missing flavors of Wheat Thins.

The Wal-Mart "Food Center" had customers on a Thursday morning, but wasn't really crowded. The wait to check out wasn't very long at all. It confirmed a "grand opening" lesson I learned long ago in another city - good things come to those who wait a day or three.

But the new Wal-Mart may be complicated for drivers the first few times, in terms of exiting. A couple of stop signs around the Sam's Club gas station could back people up, as everyone tries to figure out whose turn it is. Well, the courteous drivers will try to figure it out - while regular users of J.R. Allen Parkway may ignore the stop signs and plow right on.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Meanwhile, back at the Phenix City Water Works....

The little birdie has mentioned that the money deal is more close to 41 million instead of the 22 million that was realeased, someone should read the fine print on the deal

The writer didn't say who this "little birdie" is. Is that what people call the East Alabama Journal now?

I'm not sure if this e-mailer supports the Phenix City-Russell County-Fort Mitchell water deal or not. If this information is true, Phenix City stands to make even more money from a merger than first reported - and that wall of condos along the river might wind up taller than the Government Center after all.

It finally was mild enough to jog by the river Thursday - and here's what else happened while we did:

+ The Georgia Department of Transportation held a public hearing on widening Interstate 185, from Saint Mary's Road to Fort Benning. This is needed because of BRAC - you know, the "troop surge" Columbus actually supports.

+ Third Infantry Division commander Rick Lynch warned the fight against terror will go on several more years. He claimed soldiers and their families are NOT complaining about the continued battle. It looks like Cindy Sheehan can't get a meeting with him, either.

+ Former Columbus TV newscaster Alicia Smith was named a morning news anchor in Detroit. If she thought she covered plenty of crime news here....

+ A national survey rated Hughston Orthopedic Hospital the best facility in the country for hip replacement surgery. It's enough to make you stand on your feet and shout, "Hip?! Hooray!"

+ The Northern Little League All-Stars were honored by the Georgia state legislature, for winning the World Series. WRBL reported the players autographed baseballs for each House and Senate member. Somehow I thought a career in government and "public service" worked the other way around.

(A newspaper headline about the Columbus Little League World Series win is on display at the state Capitol - next to part of a two-headed cow. I knew Northern's success last year was unbelievable, but this is a bit too much....)

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue told GPB's "Lawmakers" it will "take a lot of persuasion" to get him to sign Sen. Seth Harp's bill on Sunday alcohol sales. But Harp told WRBL Perdue has promised NOT to veto his bill. So is someone not telling the truth here? Or is Harp offering Perdue some land in Harris County?

+ Alabama Secretary of State Beth Chapman accused predecessor Nancy Worley of writing state checks one day after the inauguration last week. Worley says she was simply wrapping up state business, and calls Chapman "paranoid." And you thought it was strange for Jim Wetherington to be at the mayor's office in late December?!

+ Instant Message to Firehouse Subs at Cross Country Plaza: First of all, I could walk across the parking lot to Subway and get the same sandwich for $1.50 less. Secondly, your price board should tell me mushrooms cost 30 cents extra. And third, your "hook and ladder" sign needs a third definition - for what Boise State did in that bowl game.

COMING SOON: A new way to make this blog much funnier....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4010 (+ 141, 3.6%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.