29 JAN 07: HURTS-A-GOVERNOR

We return today to the little town with the big controversies. Yes, we're heading back to Hurtsboro - the town in Russell County where everybody seems to know everybody else, and that may not always be a good thing....

When last we stopped in Hurtsboro [22 Jan], a local business accused Russell County Constable Robert Schweiger of trying to get his wife fired from the business because their marriage collapsed. Others even claimed Schweiger is trying to get the town government dissolved. That quickly brought a reply from the Constable:

"I say there Richard!"

It didn"t take you very long to discover the vicious attitude that the citizens of "Hurt"sboro adopt when you question their activities! I respect your good judgement in stepping out of center ring! I only hope that you can be reached with breaking news and worthwhile items on upcoming Mondays!

I knew that the "mare" had received that "park" grant - but there's still a little matter of matching funds that has to be hurdled. Columbus has plenty of problems with crime on their Riverwalk, I wonder who would feel safe in a park in "Hurt"sboro.

Last Friday was a nice day for a ride so I ventured over to Montgomery! Before I left - the halls were echoing with the same questions I've been asking here in town. The petition for help is being taken under advisement and we should get a reply in just a few days!

I apologize to you Sir Richard. I should have forewarned you about the treatment that Megan Bradley (WRBL) Lily Gordon (Ledger/Enquirer) and Mitch Sneed (Opelika News) received when they came here for a story! Just like the fisherman's worm it's a no win situation!

The man who lays down with dogs

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Well, hold on here - only one of the Hurtsboro residents I called really could be described as "vicious." Some were polite in their remarks to me. Others chose to say nothing, which is their choice. And thankfully, no one showed up at my door in the last week with a search warrant.

(I couldn't help noticing while the Constable called his critics "vicious," there's one thing he did NOT call them -- liars.)

If you're new to all this, Sandra Tarver is the Mayor of Hurtsboro - the title R.J. Schweiger is misspelling on purpose. They've clashed a time or two, both at City Hall and in court. Schweiger says it's a fight over access to public records -- but court records show they've also had a small claims court dispute. It shouldn't be so tough to pay the prevailing Office Depot rate for copies.

I don't recall hearing anything about Hurtsboro needing matching money, to accept a state grant for new park equipment. But if so, what a wonderful opportunity to bring the town together and raise the money! Simply bring in mediators from Phenix City, to decide whose name belongs at the top of the memorial plaque.

But I do know something about crime on the Columbus Riverwalk - and I'm sorry to disappoint R.J. Schweiger, but it doesn't happen all that often. I've jogged on the Riverwalk hundreds of times in nearly ten years, with a good number of those runs occurring after dark. Yet to my knowledge, no one's chased me with a knife or box-cutter so far.

Why should someone NOT feel safe in a Hurtsboro park? We're talking about a small town of less than 1,000 people here. And unlike Lumpkin, I don't even think Hurtsboro has a library where gangs can organize drug deals.

It's not clear to me what this "petition for help" is from Constable Schweiger. But people in Hurtsboro are telling me he files complaints with Alabama state agencies about any violation he thinks he sees. When the state transportation department is called about a business being too close to a road, that's pretty picky....

But it's also apparently par for the course, when it comes to Hurtsboro's Constable. One business owner called your blog in the last week, openly suspecting R.J. Schweiger is trying to drive him out of business. Either that, or Schweiger wants to make sure all local attorneys have a regular income.

The latest complaint from Constable Schweiger reportedly was filed with ADEM - Alabama's Department of Environmental Management. He apparently suspects an illegal open dump is being kept in one part of Hurtsboro. Based on the perspective Schweiger has offered to me, it's a wonder he doesn't want the entire town declared an open dump.

Well, check that - in a way, Constable Schweiger IS arguing that. He sent me a ten-point list of problems in Hurtsboro, which was submitted to the Russell County District Attorney last July. Put together, Schweiger calls them "a formula for apocalypse!" Yet almost seven months later, the Alabama National Guard seems to be heading for Iraq instead.

We've also heard again since last Monday from someone in Hurtsboro who dared to take on R.J. Schweiger's e-mail drive of recent weeks:

....You seem to have your finger on the pulse of this town, and you have given a correct diagnosis.....there are a lot of grumpy old men, and they are not very amusing. In fact they are quite nasty.....and vendictive. Maybe they could be productive if they put that much energy into doing something to help the town like the recent grant.

Have you ever seen Jim Carey do Fire Marshall Bill? This was a parady that he did on Saturday Night Live. Hurtsboro has Constable Bob....but he is not funny at all.

Hurtsboro has a functioning Volunteer Fire Department that is fully funded by grants J.H. Bazemore is the Chief and he is doing a great job getting grant money so that the department can buy new trucks and keep up it's building. There are a lot of positive things that you can write about in Hurtsboro and I think you should dedicate at least one positive story about Hurtsboro in your Monday blog. Why not start with our Fire Department. We respond to a lot of calls each month from house fires to medical calls and it never fails that someone is available to respond no matter what time of day or night it is.

Thanks,

A "concerned" citizen

Let's do a fact-check first: Fire Marshal Bill actually was a character on the old Fox series "In Living Color." Imagine if Hurtsboro had a working Fire Marshal - would the Constable be allowed to sleep on his dogs at night?

There are some people in Hurtsboro who want me to take this feud involving Constable R.J. Schweiger to another level. They want me to call his ex-wife, who lives well out-of-state -- and they have even supplied me with her phone number. If I ever drive to Hurtsboro, I'm not playing poker with anybody in town....

But really now -- why should I turn this town squabble into a family feud, involving Constable Schweiger and his ex-wife? Shouldn't they settle these disputes in a proper, 21^st-century way? I mean, WXTX shows "Divorce Court" five mornings a week.

Since this concerned Hurtsboro citizen nominated the Fire Department, we'll let that endorsement stand. But I'd point out there are plenty of other volunteer fire departments doing important service, across the Columbus area. If some of them respond to a fire and fail to be mentioned by name on the news, they'll quickly point that out....

We'll keep these "Hurtsboro Mondays" going as conditions warrant. And to be honest, there isn't much else to talk about on this Monday....

+ Columbus Police reported a Spectrum store on Miller Road was robbed. The suspect is described as a man in his forties, with a "potbelly." If you commit armed robbery, you deserve to be described this way - since I haven't heard "potbelly" applied to anything other than pigs in years.

+ The Ledger-Enquirer included an insert ad announcing electronics recycling at Wal-Mart next Saturday. But the address listed in the ad was the abandoned store on Airport Thruway. So let's see - you pile up dangerous metals at this old store, then sell it to the highest bidder?!

(We called the Wal-Mart at Columbus Park Crossing about this ad. The Sunday staff didn't know where the recycling point actually will be -- but I'm guessing you can rule out a hush-hush meeting at the city landfill.)

+ Two local religious radio broadcasts amazingly focused on the same Bible passage, from Genesis 18. Hal Brady at St. Luke United Methodist Church in Columbus declared Sarah laughed from disbelief and joy. The Pastor of New Hope Revival Center in Smiths Station declared Sarah a deep-down liar "from her bowels." It's now up to my own Pastor to break this tie....

+ Georgia leapt past Louisiana State in the men's basketball standings, by winning 57-54. Levi Stukes scored the winning three-point basket in the final second - leading me to wonder if Coach Dennis Felton has his own definition of a "Levi's Call."

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Planning Department: I had to wait for a second green light the other afternoon at Fourth and Veterans Parkway. This is simply ridiculous and unacceptable. When do you plan to widen THAT intersection -- this time to about eight lanes?

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