4 MAR 05: LAW AND SODA
WANTED: One one-liter bottle of a Coca-Cola brand soda. No other size will be accepted. Delivery must be made TODAY. Otherwise my bottle cap becomes absolutely worthless. Reply by e-mail ASAP.
Why this classified ad? Today is the deadline to redeem bottle caps in a recent Coca-Cola promotion. "One in 12 wins free Coke" promised the labels on 20-ounce bottles. But there's a twist to it - I mean, beyond twisting off the cap to see if you've won....
"YOU WIN 1-LITER COKE PRODUCT" read one of my bottle caps months ago. All I had to do is redeem the cap for a one-liter bottle of Coke by "3/04/2005" - as in today. Trouble is, Coca-Cola apparently removed all its one-liter bottles of soda in Columbus several weeks ago! I didn't know it was dry enough to evaporate entire bottles....
Not wanting my bottle cap to go to waste, I've been hunting high and low for one-liter bottles of Coke in recent days. Searching "high" didn't work, because the big-name grocery stores and convenience stores are visited by Coke trucks all the time. Where do those unsold bottles go? And can you collect aged cola, like 100-year-old wine?
I determined the best places to find one-liter bottles of Coke were the "low" places - stores in town which probably aren't visited regularly by Coca-Cola. Of course, that's a risky proposition. Those stores get visited by people interested in - well, let's say more intense refreshment.
Consider some of the places I've visited this week, on my quest for a one-liter bottle of Diet Coke (fewer calories, you know):
+ The BP station at Andrews and Cusseta Road. The 20-ounce bottles are only 99 cents - so that explains why the gas prices there tend to be the highest in town.
+ A Family Dollar store on Buena Vista Road. The soda bottles were plastic, but I think I ran over the remains of a glass one in the parking lot.
+ Wynnton Hardware -- the only place I've ever seen where you can pay natural gas bills and buy "Krud Kutter" at the same time.
+ Package stores such as Villa Nova near the Oglethorpe Bridge. I've noticed the big beer trucks, but apparently the soda drivers slip in somehow.
Thursday's soda hunt led me to the Mystik station on Brown Avenue - where the inevitable happened. I met another beggar, only this one was refreshingly different. He actually offered ME money outside the store -- and I wasn't wearing tight-fitting clothing or anything.
"Can you go inside and buy me some cigarettes? Some Newports?" asked the young man on a bicycle with folded money in his hand. Couldn't he go inside himself -- then pay me a small fee for watching his bike for him?
I quickly realized something was strange about this request to buy a total stranger cigarettes. "How old are you?"
"Sixteen." Perhaps he felt newly emboldened to say his real age, after that Supreme Court ruling on capital punishment the other day.
"You're not old enough to buy cigarettes," I said to the teenage bike rider -- then turned away, and walked into the store. Gary Sinise's character on "CSI: New York" is rubbing off on me more all the time.
But this Mystik had no one-liter bottles of Diet Coke, nor did seemingly anyone else. So what's a winner to do? In growing desperation, I called the "official rules" number on the bottle cap Thursday afternoon. There's actually a recording of someone reading the rules, saying "the decision of the judges is final" - but much like Iraq, the judges are never named.
The rules of the promotion do NOT allow substitutions of prizes - only what the bottle cap says. But with no one-liter bottled to be found, what could I do? I decided to call Coca-Cola and plead my case. After all, this is America - and tort reform hasn't moved beyond health care to beverage care yet.
A call to Coca-Coca's headquarters in Atlanta brought one nice surprise, as a woman answered the phone. That's a sign of true Southern hospitality -- a real human being sends you into voice mail.
A man in an unnamed department at Coca-Cola explained to me the giveaway actually was done by Coca-Cola bottlers, not the company itself. I've never quite understood why these are kept separate. Are the bottlers more likely to reveal the secret formula?
The man gave me a toll-free number to call for my local Coca-Cola bottler - but the woman answering that phone told me the one-liter giveaway was handled by a bottler in Cleveland, Tennessee. So apparently they trucked Coke bottles into Columbus from out-of-state - but come to think of it, Tennessee river water might be cleaner.
The woman at the bottling office didn't have one-liter bottles of Coca-Cola -- but did have one-liter bottles of Dasani water. If you think about it, caffeine-free Diet Coke isn't too far from being exactly that....
The woman at the bottling office offered a compromise. She took my name and address, and promised to send me Coca-Cola coupons. We'll see if that means something free - or something which almost matches the soda prices of supermarket store brands.
The lesson of all this: if you have a winning bottle cap in a promotion like this, DON'T assume you can cash it in anytime you wish before the deadline. For me, this lesson is now as clear as Crystal Pepsi - which isn't around anymore, either.
E-MAIL UPDATE: We've received so many e-mails from "IsOurCitySafe" that they're now getting a day of the week all to themselves. We'll see if that leads to an Internet fan club - or a sharp decline in local residents going online at all.
The latest series of items from "Is Our City Safe" began with a reference to recent police protests in Cincinnati, Delaware and New Jersey:
The following is for information purposes only. I do not support or encourage the Blue Flu.
Blue Flu: Noun: A sickout, especially by uniformed police officers.
Etymology: from the blue color of most police officer's uniforms.
THE FOLLOWING ARE EXAMPLES OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUSH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT FOR TOO LONG: OUR COUNCILORS AND MAYOR DO NOT THINK THIS WILL EVER HAPPEN HERE.
I wasn't a fan, so perhaps someone can help me - did anyone on "NYPD Blue" ever have "blue flu?" If anyone had had this, a character on this show should have.
I don't encourage "blue flu," either. For one thing, smart managers can track down whether you're really sick or not - unless perhaps you find that doctor who sprang tax preparer Clarence Martin Jr. out of prison.
But this "informational" e-mail brought an emotional response from someone, which also was passed along the chain:
As a former police officer, I think the Blu-flu would be a great idea. It's about time the city council wakes up and realizes the shortage of QUALIFIED police officers. I kept quiet for along time since resigning, but feel I should speak on behalf of my old colleagues. I ride around town and see a few of my old police buddies, but the new ones are unbelievable. Has anyone done a study on how much it cost to train a new police officer, compared to what it cost to pay a VETERAN officer. I'd rather have a veteran officer patrolling the streets rather than a rookie, which takes a good 2 yrs to feel comfortable in making a solid decision. One particular councilor says if you don't like it,leave.Well guess what!! They are! If the council really wanted to find the money for public safety, they could. They seem to find money for other projects. The officers are overworked and extremely underpaid. I'm 100% behind you if you choose to do the Blu-Flu sickout. Lets see how much money the city loses then. Anything I could do to help, let me know. Please pass this along!
What's really sad is that the Police Department is so short on each shift that if one or two people call out...its and involuntary blue flu.
I bet you didn't know that the Police Department has not had any applicants recently. That's right! Zero.
I wonder who is going to replace the 16 or so officers that retire in October and the average of 5-8 that leave every year.
Call your city councilor and ask what they are going to do.
This message raises a rather scary thought. Suppose civil rights leaders start the four "days of abstinence," and only police officers take part in it?!
Columbus Police Chief Rick Boren may have responded to this e-mail this week, by changing the hiring rules. Now you only have to be a 21-year-old high school graduate to become a police officer -- which I think still gives police an educational advantage over most local criminals.
(Wouldn't the officers with high school degrees be perfect for undercover duty? They could speak the language of drug suspects - without using big police words like "perpetrator.")
The "veteran versus rookie" issue is an interesting one, but we shouldn't paint all new police officers with too broad a brush. Some new hires can step right into a job and make "solid decisions." At least, political parties say that when their candidate becomes President.
As for "short shifted" police officers, Randy Robertson of the Fraternal Order of Police brought that up before Columbus Council the other night. He said on the night shift, there's one officer on duty for every 7,000 residents. So more of you should take attorney Richard Haglar's advice, and get home with your families by 9:00 p.m.
We'll get back to the new hiring standards - but "Is Our City Safe" also passed around a detailed stat-sheet about Columbus law enforcement:
Our mayor and councilors are continuosly pressuring our Police Chief to eliminate Police Officer positions. I wonder what the numbers below will look like if our city government gets their way.
Crime in Columbus (2002):
20 murders (10.3 per 100,000)
25 rapes (12.9 per 100,000)
359 robberies (184.8 per 100,000)
427 assaults (219.8 per 100,000)
1,937 burglaries (997.1 per 100,000)
8,595 larceny counts (4424.4 per 100,000)
1,019 auto thefts (524.5 per 100,000)
City-data.com crime index = 422.0 (higher means more crime, US average = 330.6)
Crime in Columbus (2001):
9 murders (4.7 per 100,000)
18 rapes (9.5 per 100,000)
440 robberies (231.3 per 100,000)
524 assaults (275.4 per 100,000)
1,803 burglaries (947.6 per 100,000)
8,473 larceny counts (4453.3 per 100,000)
876 auto thefts (460.4 per 100,000)
City-data.com crime index = 424.3 (higher means more crime)
In six out of eight catagories, Columbus' crime rate is worse than the national average.
OK, but what about the category which had a decline? Robbery went down about 19 percent. But then, maybe criminals stole more things - and auto thefts went up because they needed to haul it all away.
There are some missing numbers in all of this -- such as how many police vacancies there were there in these years. Did police get raises in these years? And of course, how any officers were distracted in 2002 watching candidates for Mayor?
Last weekend the tone was different from "Is Our City Safe" - with words of praise:
Early Saturday morning about 1230am, Police were called to Booker T. Washington Apts. on Veterans Pkwy in reference to a domestic dispute. A man armed with a pistol was sitting inside his vehicle near the 407 building. The man was holding the pistol to his head, threatening to shoot himself and anyone that approached his vehicle. The situation could have gone from bad to worse if it was not for the professionalism of the officers that responded. Several officers from around the city responded to the scene and risked their lives to evacuate the surrounding buildings and keep foot traffic from coming into the area. Thanks to the outstanding leadership of Capt. Starkey, Lt.Griswould, Sgt. Danford, Sgt. Hudson, Sgt. Touchberry and the dedicated patrol officers, the Police were able to talk to the man for more than two hours and convince him to surrender without anyone getting injured. These are examples of the kind of officers that I would like to see Columbus recruit. These officers showed that they have "the calling" to be outstanding Police Officers. I am extremely proud of the MORNING WATCH officers and the job that they do.
Thanks,
Wade Sheridan
(Just in case you don't know. Morning Watch officers volunteered to work the midnight shift and never rotate to other shifts. This alone shows the dedication that they have.)
This late-night incident was news to me, because no TV station mentioned it over the weekend. You'd think some B.T.W. resident would have complained about police knocking on their door after midnight - but maybe this time officers left the bananas in their squad cars.
Apparently there were plenty of police officers available to handle this call - and this happened on the night of the raid on Advance Fast Tax. Perhaps officers were pumped by the thought of bidding on tanning beds, at an upcoming police auction.
These officers certainly should be commended, and it would be nice if Columbus recruited more of them. For one thing, they're willing to talk for more than two hours without pulling out a gun and opening fire - which sadly is something not every Sheriff's deputy can do.
But is the "Morning Watch" crew working that shift simply because it's dedicated? I've read enough stories of people who work odd hours like this, merely so the top managers don't get on their nerves.
It turns out several more Columbus police officers will have odd hours. Chief Rick Boren announced Thursday seven bilingual officers will be given personal cell phones absolutely free - BUT they'll have to be on call around the clock, seven days a week. Who knows? If this works, Columbus someday could save money by having a volunteer fire department.
WRBL reported Columbus has 388 police officers on the force - and ten of them are multilingual. So why are only seven cell phones being distributed? Are the other three officers fluent in Norwegian or something?
Our last and latest e-mail from "Is Our City Safe" came in response to the news about hiring high school graduates as police officers:
Eliminating the education requirements will initially help with staffing. Now what about retention? These officers hired without college education will be given a few years to aquire that college degree. In the mean time, Columbus will be paying to train them for the higher paying Police job they will be going to when the time limit is up for them to have obtained their degree. This is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. This is like putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. Yes, the bleeding will stop for a very short period of time, but the problem will still be there and will most likely get worse without treatment. Councilor Anthony stated "Chief Boren is doing his best to protect the people of Columbus and those that visit here." Why doesn't it say? "The city government recognizes that we are not doing what we need to do to protect our citizens and we have been blaming the Chief of Police. We apologize for not solving this problem sooner. As part of our apology, we will be enacting a new city ordinance to set a four year term limit on city councilors election periods and we will all be
resigning at the end of our terms."
Thanks,
Wade Sheridan
Based on all the e-mails, one key word here is misspelled. Public safety has a "re-tension" problem - as in personnel getting tense about their pay over and over again.
WRBL noted the other night that on average, starting officers in LaGrange are paid thousands of dollars more than Columbus pays. I'm not sure how LaGrange can afford this. Perhaps it's the lack of a property tax freeze -- or perhaps LaGrange High School football brings more big spenders to town than we realized.
"Is Our City Safe" may have to keep wishing for all Columbus Councilors resign. Remember last year's election? Only one Council member even had opposition for another term - and as I recall, that challenger wasn't even a retired police officer.
Oh, by the way - who is this "Wade Sheridan" who wrote the last two e-mails? Is this the real identity of "Is Our City Safe?" Perhaps it's an online pseudonym, as there's no such name in the Columbus phone book. Let's all be thankful the e-mail address contains only one of the letters in "B-T-K."
Let's close with some short items about local landmarks:
+ Fort Benning's Lawson Army Airfield welcomed home the 498th Medical Company. It served about a year in Iraq, providing helicopter evacuations of soldiers. So which radio station will hire one of these members, and bring back Columbus traffic reports?
+ Columbus State University's men's basketball team plays today in the Peach Belt Conference quarterfinals. The game in Augusta has been moved from WDAK radio to WSHE-AM, because it starts at 1:00 p.m. If Social Security is the "third rail" of politics, Rush Limbaugh is the third rail of talk radio.
+ The Columbus Trade Center will play host Saturday to a gun show - and a reptile show. Personally, I prefer my rattlesnakes shot to death....
+ Instant Message to the RiverCenter: Did I hear your radio ad right - the "Bowfire" concert in a couple of weeks will have both "fiddlers AND violinists?" How will we be able to tell them apart? Will one group wear tuxedos, while the other wears overalls?
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