23 MAR 05: THE CHOP SHOP

Columbus Council held a seven-hour meeting Tuesday about possible budget cuts. It was called a "strategy session." Uh-oh! If we learned anything from the federal discrimination trial last week, it's that "strategy" is bad -- very bad.

For some reason, the budget discussion was held at the Trade Center. My theory is that Columbus Council went there to make room for all the public safety supporters and their protest signs....

TV reports on the meeting Tuesday night didn't mention any possible cuts in public safety. Instead, we heard of plans to cut part-time positions in the METRA bus service. Perhaps these are the people who drive buses to their regular jobs.

A tight city budget may force METRA to cut several bus routes - just as the price of gasoline moves above two dollars a gallon. Put those two together, and parents may buy bicycles as "Easter gifts" for themselves instead of their children.

Columbus Parks Department director Tony Adams said he might have to cut 40 part-time positions to make a ten-percent budget cut. Youngsters are asked to drag their moms and dads to swimming pools this summer, to serve as lifeguards.

Not only that, the Columbus Parks Department may reduce hours at some of its recreation centers. In fact, the department has prepared for this for some time. How else do you explain "Midnight Basketball" leagues playing games at 5:00 p.m.?

Columbus Fire Chief Roy Waters offered to cut seven positions, including one fire inspector. But he says the department needs to replace three fire trucks, at $256,000 each. Could we save money, by converting some METRA buses which apparently are going to sit idle?

When a presentation began on Columbus police and public safety, the discussion suddenly stopped. Councilors decided they want Chief Rick Boren to appear in person, not one of his assistants. So apparently this was supposed to be not only a strategy session, but an all-star show....

City Manager Isaiah Hugley explained Columbus departments may have to cut their budgets ten percent because city health insurance costs are going up. Insurance could cost the city $16 million next fiscal year. I propose an alternative: increase the money spent on breathing masks, and don't give them only to the prisoners mowing lawns.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A woman pulls into a drive-through lane at a Columbus bank.

"Ma'am, do you have an account with us?"

"No, but I was told I could only cash this check at SunTrust."

"We're not SunTrust. We're SouthTrust."

"Oh. Where can I find a SunTrust?"

"It's right up the hill." The SouthTrust merger with Wachovia can't become final soon enough.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on Columbus State University sports ended Tuesday, and the NO'S have it. Five out of six voters oppose our suggestion that C.S.U. teams advance from NCAA Division II to top-level Division I. The way the men's basketball season ended, I wonder if most of the no votes came from Kennesaw.

By the way, congratulations to Columbus State's Yandel Brown! He was named a Division II all-American basketball player Tuesday. Brown led almost all Division II players in scoring this past season. We're not sure if there's a similar scoring award, for pep band musicians.

Now for other late-March madness from Tuesday:

+ The Georgia House approved a modified bill banning smoking in many public places. The bill's sponsor admitted on GPB's "Lawmakers" he wasn't sure what all the amendments meant. Wouldn't it be funny if they turned his proposal into nothing more than "smoke and mirrors?"

(This Georgia House member added the smoking ban could end up being settled in a conference committee. That would be only fitting - working out details in one of those smoke-filled rooms.)

+ Rep. Carolyn Hugley was honored at a Government Center event marking Women's History Month. The theme this year is, "Women change America." Some of us already realized that. They're called diapers....

+ The Russell County Sheriff's Department showed off some of its ten new patrol cars. We're told some of them have computers installed. If enough of them drive into Pittsview, the number of computers in town might double.

+ Coca-Cola in Atlanta announced plans to bring out a new drink called "Coca-Cola Zero" in June. That's zero, as in no calories. So why not change "C-2" so it only has two calories?

(There's already a zero-calorie Diet Coke -- so what's the point of a Coca-Cola Zero? I guess some people are not on diets, and they're proud of it....)

+ Instant Message to the Mustard Seed store: Thank you again for selling my album - but I have to admit I'm stumped by something. What's the point of wearing religious symbols on men's socks? Do you expect guys to wear walking and running shorts all the time this spring and summer?

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