27 JAN 05: READ MY HEARSE

It's strange enough to see someone driving a used hearse around Columbus It's easy to assume it was a family's compromise choice -- between a sport utility vehicle and a long-bed pickup truck.

But it's even stranger to see someone driving a hearse with writing painted on it. I don't mean professional-looking advertising, as for a business. This is spray-painted writing on the hearse - as if you practice on the car, before you leave a message on the bridge.

Yet there's a man in Columbus who drives such a hearse - one which has had assorted spray-painted messages on it. You may have seen it on Broadway, outside TV stations or at Peachtree Mall. One time it reportedly was ordered off the mall parking lot for being harassing - the way religious people probably feel when they walk by Victoria's Secret.

So who's the person who drives this strange-looking vehicle? Believe it or not, he's the new President of the Columbus NAACP. Bill Madison had the hearse parked outside the chapter office most of the day last week, on Martin Luther King Day. So it's clear he had a day on, not a day off....

Something struck me about Bill Madison's hearse on this holiday. His spray-painted words condemning Synovus and CB&T were covered with black and red spray paint. Madison reportedly claimed for years those businesses did him wrong, with some sort of loan. Maybe he just found out Calvin Smyre is a Synovus executive.

So has Bill Madison finally reached a settlement in his feud with Synovus and CB&T? Or did those companies donate enough money to the recent NAACP banquet?

There's currently only one "issue" on Bill Madison's hearse: the Columbus news media. It's "the big story" according to his hearse -- apparently because no news outlet aired his financial complaints over the last couple of years. Well, maybe I shouldn't say "NO news outlet." Playgrounds magazine loves strange stuff like that....

(And to make matters worse, African-American-owned Davis Broadcasting doesn't really have its own news department -- except, of course, for the rap artists telling you what's REALLY going on.)

A busy schedule the last couple of weeks has kept me from asking Bill Madison about his hearse and all his messages. I'd like to know if the NAACP Board told him to make some changes -- or if he's become part of a very strange corporate cover-up.

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: We've actually seen a car like this before - on a vacation to Jekyll Island. This is from the LaughLine of 26 Oct 00:

As we toured the island, we came upon a strange white car. It was covered with words such as: "Somebody say McDonald's? I waited for a 99-cent cheeseburger, and wound up with a $1,000 hospital stay. I ALMOST DIED!" Sorry to say, we never did stop and chat with the driver - but our first question would have been whether he's ever lost that car in the mall parking lot.

Now let's take our own drive around the town, for news highlights from Wednesday:

+ Mayor Bob Poydasheff told WRBL the city of Columbus will NOT pay former deputy David Glisson's legal bills, in the Kenneth Walker family's civil suit. How COULD the city pay the bills for a former officer -- when it couldn't even afford to buy weapons for the Marshal's office?

+ Columbus city officials revealed they're having second thoughts about widening part of Moon Road from two to four lanes. This probably won't please rush-hour drivers south of J.R. Allen Parkway -- who are tired of a "full Moon" and want to see a new one.

+ Local groups took an early-morning count around town, and determined Columbus has at least 2,000 homeless people. It looks like the college students who come here on spring break will have to build more Habitat for Humanity houses than ever.

+ Shaw High School graduate and former Columbus Wardog Troy Bergeron signed a contract to play with the Georgia Force of the Arena Football League. So he's stepping up to play in what sounds like a ridiculous contradiction -- "major league" arena football.

+ Instant Message to Auburn University sportscaster Rod Bramblett: What did you mean Wednesday night when you said basketball players should ":leave the officiating to the play-by-play guys?" Have you already made career plans, in case Ed Richardson fires you?

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