20 JAN 05: THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST

It's a big day for Washington and the Republican Party, as President Bush begins a second term. It's inauguration day - or, since so many people in this part of the country seem to have trouble with that word, it's "swearing-in time."

How many Columbus Councilors will stop what they're doing, to watch today's inauguration? And how many will say to themselves, "We wish we could run up big deficits, the way he's doing it"?

A first draft came out Wednesday about how Columbus city officials may deal with a 12-million dollar deficit. There's talk of cutting 154 positions in city government - but look on the bright side. State prison inmates could learn all sorts of new skills.

We're told most of the 154 "job cuts" would actually come from city positions currently open, which simply will not be filled. So Alonza Whitaker was named Environmental Court judge on Tuesday, just under the wire....

The city staff cuts also could include 24 open public safety positions. With that big a shortage, maybe we should be thankful the Third Brigade just left Fort Benning for Iraq - as Victory Drive clubs might not need as much patrolling.

Randy Robertson of the Fraternal Order of Police warned cutting 24 public safety positions would persuade criminals Columbus is a "better option" for committing crimes. Really now -- would it? How many criminals go online to check the law officer per person ratio, before robbing a gas station?

Randy Robertson says murders and burglaries went up in Columbus last year because of a lack of law officers. Yet I saw numbers this week showing the rape count in Eufaula quadrupled -- from one to four. Based on Robertson's logic, Eufaula might not have anything besides a police chief.

(And consider Birmingham, which is averaging about one homicide every two days so far in 2005. Is that because of cuts in the police department? Or was the weather simply too warm in early January, so people weren't huddled around space heaters?)

Mayor Bob Poydasheff says public safety will have its staff cut like all other city departments -- but he expressed optimism that the cut will NOT be ten percent. That could make the mayor's office staff work a little harder in the next few weeks....

Given all this talk of personnel cuts, it was surprising to read Wednesday that Columbus Council deadlocked 5-5 on whether to hire an outside company to find a new city manager. Isn't that one place to save money? Or do councilors hope to sucker a big name into taking the job, by convincing him or her we're big spenders?

Let's put down the cutting scissors now, for other items of note from Wednesday:

+ As the inaugural events unfolded in Washington, Alabama Governor Bob Riley hosted a prayer breakfast. By comparison, Roy Moore's wife is doing is hosting a tea on Saturday. It looks like the Governor has the lead in the Campaign 2006 "good works" count....

(Governor Riley told Republicans at the prayer breakfast they should be thankful "they made the right decision." What does that mean - that they didn't dare take on the President in last year's primaries?)

+ WRBL reported the Columbus Public Safety Building will get a new roof, only eight years after it opened. I never realized there was a problem at this building. I mean, the statue of a police officer on the second floor isn't holding an umbrella....

+ Wesley Heights Elementary School staged a "snowy day" for the pre-kindergarten students, with Buck Ice bringing in ice for pseudo-snow. Who knows how many older children saw this - and wished they had called radio and TV stations to ask if classes were cancelled?

+ The Ledger-Enquirer's "Taste" section included a recipe for beer muffins -- which called for "one can (6 oz.) beer." And this great chef lives in Columbus?! That guy must have drunk half the standard 12-ounce can, before writing this recipe down.

(And another thing - if you're putting beer in your muffins and eating them for breakfast, is it simply a sign you're throwing away the day?)

+ The Columbus State men's basketball team edged Clayton State on "pack the house night." More than 3,100 fans attended - enough to require shuttles for fans who parked at Peachtree Mall. The Columbus Riverdragons probably couldn't draw this big a crowd, if they played INSIDE the mall.

+ Instant Message to former Auburn assistant football coach Gene Chizik: What do you mean, "the pinnacle of college coaching" is the University of Texas? Based on the rankings I've seen the last couple of years, don't you mean Southern California?

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: What can you expect on this inauguration day? Let's review some of the things we wrote about President Bush's first inaugural, from the LaughLine issue of 22 Jan 01:

The inauguration is over. The transition is complete. We have a new U.S. President. And all across the country, people now wait and wonder - who will the right-wing radio talk show hosts pick on NOW?

George W. Bush became President on a cold, rainy Washington day - just as Albert Gore said a Bush victory would feel, in one of his last pre-election speeches.... Now we're scared. Maybe Mr. Gore DOES control the weather - and we may have four years of the worst global warming ever.

Mr. Bush made an appeal for national compassion, by drawing from a Bible story: "When we see that wounded traveler on the road to Jericho, we will not pass to the other side." Be sure you keep a copy of this speech for the first time you do this, and you're an hour late for work.

(We're NOT supposed to pass by? Isn't this why God invented cell phones - so we can report those problems to police?)

An aide says Ronald and Nancy Reagan watched the inauguration on TV "with fascination." That sounds like a polite way of saying Mr. Reagan didn't recognize anyone he saw.

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton rode together in a limousine from the White House to the Capitol for the inaugural ceremony. What do you think they talked about during that ride -- the latest going rate to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom?

One of Mr. Bush's first acts was a directive to block many of the last-minute executive orders Mr. Clinton had issued. Some didn't become official until they were published in the "Federal Register." But of course, Mr. Clinton can get them published in the "New York Times" instead....

One of President Bush's first executive orders proclaimed Sunday a "national day of prayer and thanksgiving." And you thought Bill Clinton's orders were extreme. Mr. Bush didn't give us any warning, so we could go buy turkey and dressing, invite the neighbors....

Inauguration Day ended with the new President and First Lady visiting EIGHT inaugural balls in Washington. The only other thing in Washington that needs that many balls to please everyone is the Washington Wizards basketball team.

One of the inaugural parties the Bushes visited was the "Florida State Ball." The dress code there was formal - white tie and dangling chad.

Washington's "Hard Rock Café" threw an unusual inaugural ball - a casual one for teenagers from visiting school groups. We wonder how many of those teenagers would see a picture of nephew George Prescott Bush, and think he sings with Ricky Martin and Marc Anthony.

The first family welcomed thousands of ordinary citizens Sunday afternoon, at a White House "open house." The President admitted he needed to "brush up on the history" of the house. Lesson one, Mr. Bush: it was NOT named after a man named White.

One pre-inaugural event featured Laura Bush at a salute to U.S. authors. Since she's a Republican, this was a bit surprising. We expected a salute to the publicity agents instead....

George W. Bush's inauguration meant Bill Clinton's departure. Aides say Mr. Clinton stayed up all Friday night at the White House, unable to sleep. Apparently he finally ran out of time, and couldn't figure out a way to pardon himself.

The inauguration brought protests from Washington to Tallahassee. Someone actually threw an egg at the President's limousine, during the inaugural parade! Mister Bush may have to heal a division he never expected -- between the high-fat and high-carbohydrate diet groups.

A high school group from near our town went to the inaugural. They reported protesters blocked their way to the parade route, and burned U.S. flags as they did. Well, it WAS a cold day in Washington - so maybe police banned fire barrels.

The Senate hurredly confirmed seven of President Bush's Cabinet appointments, only hours after he took office. Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham was approved only two days after his Senate hearing! Does that mean his position is that vital - or really not that important?

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