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19 APR 04: RUGS TO RICHES

"Two homes are about to be blessed," says the envelope on my desk. "Yours first! Then it must go to another dear friend." I think I've heard of these things before - and somehow I've survived not passing on chain letters.

This letter, though, is different in many ways. For one thing, a short prayer to Jesus is written on the back of it -- asking that "the one whose hands open this letter" receive "the desires of their heart." I appreciate their concern. But a main desire of my heart married a building contractor on the West Coast nine years ago....

I'm familiar with this letter, based on its address. "Saint Matthew's Churches" in Tulsa, Oklahoma sends mailings like this all the time. If you reply in faith, somehow a "blessing" is bound to come your way. And of course, if you include a
contribution, a blessing is bound to head THEIR way.

The mailings from St. Matthew's Churches are suspicious, though -- sometimes without even opening the envelope. For instance, the letter on my desk shows the ministry's zip code as 74121. But the other side shows it's "mailed from zip code
52641." Somehow it isn't blessed quite enough to have a connection with "90210."

Another feature of the St. Matthew's Church mailings is the little trinket or gimmick inside. Over the years, they've sent me all sorts of things:

+ A gold-laminated number seven. Too bad my apartment number never has matched this.

+ A key ring with a green plastic cross attached. Amazing - I didn't even have to go to the church carnival to win it.

+ A tiny vial of "holy water." Just the right size, I suppose, for watering your mustard seed so it will grow....

There's a phrase in the world of ministries for these little trinkets, and it's not very polite. They're called "Jesus junk." For the believers who like to say, "God doesn't make any junk" -- I agree with you. But God doesn't make these things, men do.

Oh yes, did I mention this letter is from Tulsa - the same city Oral Roberts has called home for so long? As far as I know, the ministries are NOT related. But my mother stopped listening to Oral Roberts after she was offered vials of anointing oil in exchange for a donation. I think it was because she tended to cook with shortening.

So what's inside the latest letter from Tulsa? As I write this, I'm opening the envelope - and it's an ANOINTED PRAYER RUG! Well, that's what it SAYS it is. Others might dismiss it as a 17-by-11 inch folded sheet of paper.

"God's holy blessing power is in the enclosed anointed prayer rug we are loaning you to use!!!" So says a letter accompanying the rug - but wait a minute. You're only LOANING it?! Over the weekend the church I attend mailed me a 120-page booklet on Jesus - and they're letting me have it for free.

Believe it or not, I'm supposed to pray on the "anointed prayer rug" for whatever I need - then leave it overnight in my Bible at Philippians 4:19, then mail it back to Tulsa the next day. The letter explains there's "another family that's in need of a blessing." And I get the feeling this ministry is in need of reducing copying costs.

Hasn't this church in Tulsa ever heard of the Internet? Thanks to computers, I can share this "anointed prayer rug" with all of you. Well, I can share MOST of it. This rug of blessings from God is bigger than my scanner....

A testimony letter with the "prayer rug" has the story of one woman who prayed with only $50 to last until pay day. Somehow (the letter doesn't say how), now "$46,888.20 has me out of debt." Don't you wonder which horses she bet on?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We'll have more thoughts on "Jesus junk" in the next few days....)

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION: Voting closed early Monday on our question about the proposed one-cent sales tax. The public seems divided: half in favor, half against. But since only two people voted, the biggest winners seem to be the ad agencies which will create the "yes and no" commercials.

Former Columbus Mayor Bobby Peters endorsed the one-cent "sales tax for operations" Sunday night. He also revealed he's "90-percent sure" he'll run for Muscogee County Superior Court Judge. Of course, if the other ten percent holds all the money....

I didn't realize until Sunday night that ex-wife Susan Peters might be the former mayor's campaign manager, if he runs for Superior Court Judge. [True/Ledger-Enquirer.com] You'd think a former spouse would want a political husband to run for Congress - to get him as far out of her life as possible.

Now some other quick things from Sunday:

+ The Columbus State University choir performed on stage at New York's famed Carnegie Hall. So? If Donald Trump didn't hire them, it's no big deal anymore.

+ Ritmo Latino Radio kept calling itself WMLF-AM - even though 1270 AM calls itself WSHE-AM during its other programming. I knew this station had a split personality, but this is getting ridiculous....

+ Former Columbus Cottonmouth Brian Idalski made a brief appearance on CBS Sports. He coached the Wisconsin-Stevens Point women's hockey team to the NCAA Division III finals this past season -- a team nicknamed the "Pointers." If they're female, shouldn't they be the "Pointer Sisters?"

+ Instant Message to Chester's Barbecue downtown: I saw your sign - but exactly what is a "HILIDOG?" Are you finally bringing jai alai north of Florida? I assume we wouldn't be allowed to gamble on it - but what sort of dogs play jai alai, anyway?

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.