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3 FEB 04: GOT SINGINGS?

Still looking for ways to promote my debut CD, I drove Monday night to Central Baptist Church - located at 8303 Whitesville Road. What that church is in the "center" of, I have absolutely no clue. Big-money executives, maybe?!

I drove practically to Williams Road for the monthly meeting of The Chattahoochee Valley Southern Gospel Music Association. Members call it "TCVSGMA" for short - either that, or it's a musical warm-up drill no one's taught me.

"Have any prayer requests?" a teenage-looking girl asked as I entered the church sanctuary. I hadn't come prepared with any - and it seemed a bit selfish around so many musicians to ask for all my CD's to sell out.

Next question from the girl: "Got any singings?" This stopped me cold -- a singing?! Is that what other people call a lymph node problem?

"It's my first time here," I told the girl. Then an adult nearby explained what she meant: is my church having any gospel singings in the weeks to come? Sorry, my congregation is not. In fact, it's a good day when everyone sings loudly during a service at all.

Two "fests" were the big topics at Monday night's association meeting - Riverfest in late April, and an inaugural "Gospelfest" being planned for early June. The name "Gospelfest" could change, because the association is having a "Name That Day" contest. Let's see, it's June 5 - so how about Saturday?

It appears gospel music groups will be able to perform at Riverfest this spring. The association President reported from what he's been told, the "Pig Jig Stage" for free entertainment is coming back. Of course, musicians could face tough competition if it's located near the smell of the actual Pig Jig....

The main competition for the Pig Jig Stage at Riverfest appears to be someone named "Riverboat Bob." All we know or sure about him is that he works with children. We're not sure if he took the riverboat that used to be docked near the Trade Center.

As for the proposed "Gospelfest," Phenix City officials are not making it easy for the association to use the amphitheatre. For instance, you can use the facility's sound system - for only $5,000! [True] Well, you wondered how Phenix City was able to lower garbage rates....

(This music association's treasury stands at well under $2,000 - so it appears this event will be BYOB: Bring Your Own Boombox.)

But that's not the worst of it. Phenix City will let you use the amphitheatre's lights and stage cover - for a $10,000 charge. For that price, never mind having the lights blink on and off during songs. Get your money's worth....

A Columbus church has agreed to cosponsor the June 5 gospel music event. That means the music association won't have to worry about Phenix City's requirement of $1 million in liability insurance. Of course, some churches would have handled this differently - by guaranteeing instant faith healing for anyone who gets hurt.

By the way, I found the answer to a radio question in the foyer of Central Baptist Church. Jim Foster keeps asking on WMLF AM-1270 if you'd be willing to spend 50 cents a day "to keep Southern Gospel music alive" in this area. Part of me wondered if doing this would make a needy child go hungry in Africa....

Pledge slips in a rack explain if you pledge at least $10 per month to Central Baptist Church, the church will send the money to WMLF-AM to help it stay on the air five days a week. Of course, you could send the money directly to the radio station. Several businesses do that now - in what's called advertising.

(So why funnel the money through Central Baptist instead? Because donations to the church are tax-deductible. Now I start to see why some people want the laws changed, to let churches endorse political candidates.)

The pledge slip also hints at a "Plan B" for fans of this sort of music. It says: "If we are unable to keep WMLF a Southern Gospel music station, would you be willing to help support a noncommercial FM Gospel Station in the Valley Area?" Columbus already has two religious "public radio" stations. Should that much right-wing thinking be on the left side of the radio dial?

I left the TCVSGMA meeting with a membership application in my bag, but questions in my head. Considering it has only about 120 members, and its monthly newsletter goes to about 90 people, would joining this group be like singing to the choir? If you keep passing around the same money to each other, you only FEEL wealthy.

Now other notes from a wet Monday, which at least left farmers smiling:

+ AFLAC revealed its fourth-quarter earnings dropped 61 percent, to about 14 cents a share. It's enough to make the company duck let go of the tree limb, even before Wile E. Coyote plunges by him.

(AFLAC explains it lost more than $250 million because its holdings in Parmalat stock dropped when that company was caught in an accounting scandal. So we can say the company took a milk bath....)

+ WRBL's Jack Rodgers held a post-Super Bowl "tailgate party" outside the station for his late-night sportscast -- complete with food on the grill. First of all, it was after midnight when he appeared. Second of all, who holds a tailgate party AFTER games? Any sports fan knows that's when you brawl in the street.

+ Instant Message to the North Columbus Branch Library: Some of your Internet computers are weird. In fact, one of them displays four different "search bars." I've seen blocks of Broadway with fewer bars than this.

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