^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
16 FEB 04: BIG BAPTIST BASH
First Baptist Church of Columbus marked its 175th anniversary Sunday. "We're one year younger than the city of Columbus," Pastor Jimmy Elder told viewers as the live weekly telecast began. That's funny, some of the deacons don't look that old....
(First Baptist actually has a current member who's 104 years old. That person probably can remember when a "giant screen display" at a church service meant the deacons carried out a chalkboard.)
"It's not about how old we are, but how many glorious years we have obtained," Dr. Jimmy Elder said in opening remarks at the 11:00 a.m. service. I thought for a minute he was going to start giving a free advertisement for herbal supplements.
Pastor Jimmy Elder led First Baptist worshippers in a responsive reading "litany," which said God has blessed their church. If you read that enough, I suppose you'd believe it. That's true for visitors to Howard Dean's web site....
Dr. Jimmy Elder's anniversary sermon offered a new word of the day, as he said God has "intentionality" in His purpose. Sure enough, it's in my dictionary - but intentionality? Somehow I can't see baseball managers saying that word, when Barry Bonds is walked on purpose.
A prayer offered during the service revealed First Baptist Church of Columbus was founded by seven women and five men. Isn't this amazing? Way back in 1829, some guys thought church was for ladies only.
Did I miss something during the anniversary service? Didn't the church choir sing "O God Our Help in Ages Past" only a few minutes after the congregation sang it as a hymn? Some churches apparently haven't heard about the radio concept of a
"no-repeat work day."
First Baptist Church members renewed their commitment to God by taking the Lord's Supper. But sadly, the telecast time ran out just as a crucial moment came. I wanted to see if they marked the anniversary with wine or grape juice.
"God's been faithful every one of our 175 years," Dr. Jimmy Elder told First Baptist Church worshippers, "but that doesn't mean we haven't made mistakes." This was the closest the service came to mentioning the hiring of Dr. Ron Grizzle.
First Baptist Church seems to have settled down from early 2002, when Pastor Ron Grizzle resigned after facing a vote on his firing. He had to "head for the hills," because too many Baptists did - only they went to Cascade Hills....
I couldn't help thinking back Sunday to First Baptist Church's 170th anniversary celebration in 1999. Dr. Ron Grizzle brought in guest speakers from several churches, including at least one woman and one African-American man. He tried to promote "One Columbus" - and now he's gone, trying to promote one Birmingham.
First Baptist Church still seems to be at a crossroads about its future. Modern mega-churches such as Cascade Hills Baptist are growing quickly, with lots of glitz and TV production. The most "state-of-the-art" thing First Baptist appears to have is a blue "prayer line" on the bottom of the TV screen.
As it happened, Franchise Missionary Baptist Church in Phenix City had "Black Heritage Day" Sunday. Members dressed for worship as their forefathers did - but hopefully none of them wore balls and chains.
BLOG UPDATE (based on a true story): "It's 1:00 p.m. in Columbus, 12 noon in Alabama - and welcome to our live, continuous, team, on-your-side, first, fast, accurate, dedicated, determined, dependable, comprehensive, courageous, fair, balanced, award-winning, and we hope mistake-free coverage of Columbus Choco-Fest 2004 (sm). It's Sunday, February 15th, and my co-anchor knows what that means."
"Don't we ALL know what that means?! Valentine's Day candy half-price sales! Our top story goes straight to the heart of the action...."
"Ohhhh, that's pretty clever of you."
"I just thought of it while putting on my makeup! Let's go to the Target store on Bradley Park Drive. Is our live reporter
there?"
"Yes, I'm here live. I'm not dead yet. And it looks like I'm not going to be anytime soon. Take a look at these shelves! They're practically empty! Only a few days ago they were filled with red and white Kisses, M&M's, Miniatures and more. But they made like Doves and flew out of this store. The discount chocolate's gone -- and here's the most amazing part. The candy sugar hearts with the silly phrases on them are almost gone, too!"
"Wow! Remarkable! Where DID all that choco-a-go-go?"
"That's 1-to-1 there, anchor buddy."
"That's the big question, guys. I was here for Choco-Fest 2003 (sm) a year ago today, and even in the evening there were plenty of chocolate bags left. This year, about all that's left for picking is the boxes of Lord of the Rings valentine cards."
"Ugh! Something for Oscar night, I guess."
"Yeah. What a difference a year makes. Thanks for that new, live, compelling continuous report."
"So what's a chocolate hunter to do? Let's go to candy stop number two. Our live team seemingly unending coverage of this breaking, developing, it's-gotta-stop-soon Choco-Fest (sm) continues continuously at Walgreen's on Veterans Parkway."
"Am I on the air? OK. Folks, this is an amazing scene. Look at all the Valentine's stuff left on sale at half-price at this drug store. It's just one little part of one aisle! And if you want chocolate, forget about it! It's red licorice, and not much
else! The rest of the holiday shelf is so empty, you'd think angry Muslim extremists came in and burned it all."
"If you can hear me out there -- what are those things on the other side of the aisle?"
"Yeah, that's really no surprise. Those are plush Easter toys. Opening day of the season, they tell me."
"And how long is it until Easter?"
"Two, four....eight weeks from today, folks."
"Discount chocolate fans may be in for a long drought. Thanks for the update, such as it was."
"You know, this is getting pretty serious. Two stores down, and no half-price chocolate at all! What's going on here?"
"Well, I DID see a billboard coming to work about a big consignment sale in mid-March."
"Wait -- I'm hearing in my ear we HAVE a chocolate sighting!"
"About time, if you ask me. Where's our Live Sky But Parked On the Ground official Choco-Fest 2004 (sm) truck?"
"Can you hear me in the studio?"
"Yes, go ahead."
"I've found the chocolate! I've found the chocolate! I'm at a little CVS store on River Road, near the carpet mill. We had to walk halfway through this store past several barren aisles, but here it is. Just like they say on big-city radio, it's Kisses
and M&M's together -- half-price!"
"Well, that's a relief! We were starting to think space aliens had shown up overnight and taken the chocolate back to - wherever."
"So what does half-price Valentine's chocolate cost this year?"
"Well, that's a bit disappointing, guys. Look at the regular CVS price on this bag. Ten ounces of Kisses for $2.99?! Even at half-off, 15 cents an ounce is way up the chocolate ladder."
"Not to mention the calorie count. Are the M&M's there any better?"
"They seem to be. A 14-ounce bag is - let's see, I'm doing the division on my laptop's calculator - a buck-50."
"Well, I suppose that'll HALF to do."
"Aw-haw-haw! Two-to-one! But an important question here. Those M-and-M's -- do they have colors? Or are they black and white, like the others on sale these days?"
"I'm not really sure about that yet. If I ripped open this bag right now, the candy would spill all over the floor and that could be trouble."
"Certainly DO have to avoid those liability suits. Thanks for the update."
"But you have to wonder with those prices - did OPEC take control of the chocolate factories or something?"
"Let's ask an expert about that. Veteran Choco-Fest (sm) watcher Richard joins us in our satellite right-down-the-hallway news center now, for in-depth team developing continuous analysis of this live count-on-able coverage. Richard, how do
you explain what we've seen here this afternoon?"
"Really, guys, I think this is good news. I've noticed over the years when the on-sale chocolate goes quickly, it's a sign of a growing economy. And the indicators are pointing that way a lot more this year than last."
"So we shouldn't panic about this?"
"No, I don't think so. After all, the Walgreen's ad had a three-for-a-dollar coupon in it today for regular chocolate bars. Oh, but I should add -- there's a new theory I'm looking at for all these after-Valentine's sales."
"And what would that be?"
"Shoppers think it's a Daytona 500 sale - and red and white ARE the colors of Dale Earnhardt, Junior's car."
To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.
If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.
© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.