Sunday, February 22, 2004

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22 FEB 04: WASH ME, PLEASE



The 600 p.m. news Friday night profiled an Opelika pastor - and the news anchor referred to him ss a "man of the cloth." Why do ministers get this title, while people who clean restaurant tables and wash cars don't?



The phrase caught my attention because I visited a downtown Columbus car wash this past week. No big deal, you say? For me, it's a VERY big deal - because I get so busy with various projects, I become The Ultimate Guy when it comes to cars. If it runs, that's all that matters.



True confession: it had been years since I washed my humble Honda. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I did it. The grime was so embedded that the only way someone could write "please wash me" on my car was with a knife and chisel.



I came into two coupons for "The Works #2" at the Fourth Avenue Car Wash, so I decided it was time to use one. The weather was warm and springlike. I'd just finished a rough draft of my tax returns, and determined a big refund was coming. And with Sheriff Ralph Johnson finally firing Deputy David Glisson, it seemed like practically the perfect day.



Yes, I know Fourth Avenue downtown is called Veterans Parkway now. But the car wash between 10th and 11th Streets never has changed its name. I think it's proof we haven't had a prolonged rainstorm in Columbus in years....



When I pulled into the Fourth Avenue Car Wash, the attendant noticed trouble right away. "I can't promise we'll be able to get all of this off," he said - saying it MIGHT be possible for an extra five dollars. I said no thanks - since I've had people on the street offer to remove loose parts from the car for that much.



"The Works #2" at the Fourth Avenue Car Wash is quite a meticulous process. You drop the car off with an attendant. Then crew members vacuum the inside of it, even before it goes into the wash. I felt I had to specify the cups in the back seat I did NOT want thrown away.



One member of the vacuuming crew is profiled in a framed newspaper article in the hallway inside the Car Wash. He's a mentally retarded man who's worked there for years, and is praised by owner Richard Brown for his reliability. Of course, some lazy slackers would dismiss this by saying he doesn't know any better....



Fourth Avenue boasts about having an "all-cloth" car wash - and since you can watch the car roll through from a glass hallway, I can verify that's how it's done. I didn't see one S-O-S soap pad used at any time.



When this car wash offers "The Works," it means it. After the car came out, staff members weren't finished. They cleaned the rims around my tires - and ALL my windows, both inside and out. It's the most pampered and spoiled I probably can be, short of visiting a casino.



Because there was a big crowd on a warm, sunny day, the whole process of "The Works" took close to an hour. I never guessed it can take longer to wash and clean a car, than to change the oil in it....



Richard Brown obviously has a good business going at Fourth Avenue Car Wash, because he had a lot full of cars on a Thursday afternoon. But I'm glad I had a coupon to get "The Works" for free. When a car wash accepts credit cards, I'm not sure that's that really a good thing.



Richard Brown's doing so well he's even become Vice President of the "Southeastern Car Wash Association." I never thought about there being such a group. What does the group do - lobby Congress for better drying rags?



Throughout this car wash, I remembered a radio ad Neal Boortz used to do in Atlanta in which he said: "A clean car runs better." When the wash was over, I certainly had a much cleaner car, one that actually looks respectable - but I regret to report my brakes hesitate just as much as before.



BLOG UPDATE: A new "tree of unity" now stands in Lakebottom Park, in remembrance of Kenneth Walker. It was dedicated Saturday by the Columbus Rotary Club, with Walker's family present. We can all be thankful the Sheriff's Department did not have to be called for crowd control.



COMING THIS WEEK: We remember the last time a Presidential candidate's wife visited Columbus.... and hear some surprising Christian comments about "The Passion of the Christ"....



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